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Since it was common knowledge that Kevin proposed to me the year before on Thanksgiving and then to Ava on Christmas Eve, everyone expected me to play the hurt ex-girlfriend.
No way was I going out like that.
I’d rather torture them while I held back my inner laughter and get a sympathy pass from anyone who might witness said torture.
A week after theawkward assThanksgiving celebration with our family, Ava asked to stay with me for a few weeks while Mom had some renovation done to the house.
She was melodramatic about fumes and dust.
Internally rolling my eyes and quietly urging my mom to hurry the fuck up with her kitchen redesign, I let her.
Returning from a short business trip, I caught my (ick) boyfriend and little sister fucking inmybedroom, inmybed, as if they’d done it a dozen times.
Livid, I threw them out in a way that still made me giggle, immediately replaced everything in my bedroom they might have touched, and considered them both dead to me.
The day before our entire family descended on our house for Christmas dinner, Ava announced their plan to marry.
Knowing how my mom thinks, she wanted to force us to interact before the dead body of our relationship started to rot.
Strangely, I didn’t care much about Kevin.
He proposed on a holiday with most of my family in attendance in the hopes the pressure would influence me to say yes.
He miscalculated. He just managed to humiliate himself.
Confident in myoh hell nochoice and without a single regret, I told him I’d understand if he wanted to break up. He refused.
A couple of weeks later,he sure showed me.
The months since exposed me to a side of Kevin I suspected but ignored in the seven months we dated.
I’m busy and have bigger shit to deal with than the man-child I took with me to business functions and occasionally talked through giving me orgasms.
I couldn’timaginebeing married to him.
For a woman like me, he was theworst. When you really boiled it down, he was the male version of Ava.
I dodged a fucking bullet there, I thought to myself for the hundredth time.
Ava was theprettiestBridezillaeverand I knew we wouldn’t talk often, if ever, after today.
I’d still be forced to see her at family gatherings and holidays but I wasn’t going to let that get me down.
She was going on her honeymoon and soon (very soon), I’d be free of her and her new husband’s clusterfuck of a life.
They were moving into a townhouse Kevin’s mom bought them after the extravagant wedding my mom made possible. Losers, both of them.
So, here we are.
Me holding Ava’s fucking bouquet and handing her the ring she planned to put on Kevin’s finger.
I derived some sick satisfaction from the fact that he proposed to my sister with the same ring he tried to give me. Chuckles galore and I didn’t care if that made me a bad person.
It had already been a long day and I was fuckingbored.
Emitting a put-upon sigh, my eyes roamed the old mansion and I wished I’d thought to stick gum in my mouth before the festivities started.
I can crack it without anyone even knowing I’m chewing it. It would have echoed spectacularly with the high ceilings.
