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Reaching out with shaking hands, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders. It took forever to remove his tie and dress shirt. It was easy to see that Bennett had taken care of his body for decades before his deteriorating heart made exertion of any kind impossible.
She stroked her hand over his bare chest and rested her palm over the scars there from the surgeries that didn’t work; the procedures that failed him again and again. His chest had a light scattering of hair and she brushed her fingertips through it.
In a barely audible whisper, she admitted, “I masturbate thinking about you touching me. I-I dream about you.”
“I know.” She lifted her eyes to his. “Do you know how many nights you’ve slept beside me that I’ve woken with your fingers wrapped around my cock, Rowan? My need to come so great, my heart pounding, and having to pull you away...always choosing frustration over release.”
“I-I didn’t mean…”
“I’ve watched you touch yourself in your sleep, stroking your clit as you rock your hips against your own hand, and listened to you sighmy namewhen you come.”
Her blush was nuclear, hot tears slid over her cheeks, and the painful lump in her throat made her voice hoarse. “It’s my fault. I’vedrivenyou to this.”
She didn’t expect him to laugh.
“Darling,no mancould lie beside you and not want to possess you. You’re a sexual creature, as I was once, and youneedrelease. It’s physical, Rowan. You’ve taken no other lovers - not that I would have blamed you for it.”
She whispered angrily, “That would be a slap in the face of my love for you, of yours for me. I can go without it as long as I have you. I don’tneedsex, Bennett.”
“Idoneed it.” Her eyes felt huge as he confessed a truth he’d hidden from her. “I can’t sleep anymore for wanting you. I can’t focus when you’re near me. The scent of you, the softness of your skin, how your dark hair shimmers in the sunlight…all of it has me crazy with need. I’m dying for want of you as surely as my heart is taking me by inches.”
“I didn’t know, Bennett.”
He hugged her to him. “Before my heart essentially castrated me, the longest I’d ever waited to have sex with a woman was twoweeksand I could barely tolerate any of them. Iworshipyou, Rowan. I’ve slept beside you foryears. The need to touch you is driving me insane.”
“I-I’m sorry. Maybe I could have…”
“No, darling. This isn’t about anything you did or didn’t do. It’s purely my love - and lust - for you.”
Roughly wiping her face, she stared at the carpet between their feet. She’d never had sex with a man but...she certainly understood aching for another person, longing for their touch, wanting to get as close to them as you could get.
Softly, she admitted, “I-I feel it, too. The desperation.”
He exhaled roughly. “I need you tolove me, Rowan. Finally, let melove you. Then you have tolet me go.”
The pain was excruciating and there was nothing she could do about the tears that fell endlessly.
She loved him.
He loved her.
When the medication he’d taken wore off, she was going to lose him within days, possibly hours. There was no way his damaged heart would be able to sustain itself after pumping normally for so long.
“You should have talked to me about the drug, Bennett.”
“You never would have agreed to such a risk.”
She pressed her lips together. “You still should have talked to me. I deserved a chance to change your mind.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Gasping through her tears, she said, “No matter what, I’m about to lose you.”
“Forgive me, Rowan.”
“I’m sure there’s no virgin in history who’s felt as much fear as I do right now, Bennett. It’s...a lot and I’m lost.”
“Trust me, darling.” He kissed her and she couldn’t help falling into the sensation of his lips on hers. It was truly a new experience despite their time together. “Just trust me.”
