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“The short version is that I forgive you. You were young. I didn’t understand the weight of celibacy on the man you were then, but I get it in retrospect. Bennett was helpful. I know you sincerely cared about me despite the mistakes made at the time. You wouldn’t be here now if that wasn’t true.”
There was a flush across his cheeks. “Yes, Rowan. I c-cared about you. I still care. I’m sorry. More than you know.”
Smiling at Miss Jeffries, Rowan said, “The air is cleared. You can breathe easy now.”
“It’s been just hangin’ around for the last year. Lord.”
“I need to get out there.” At that moment, Mary-Margaret entered with a tray holding several plates. “Uh...please tell me that’s for everyone in the room.”
“Fine,” the assistant said, “but I’d be lying.”
The food was placed in the center of the coffee table and everyone finally agreed to eat from it.
At one point, she lifted her gaze and found Gage staring at her with an intense expression. He gripped the arms of the chair with white-knuckled hands. Rowan’s eyes flicked down and she realized he was hard.
Her brain shut down with an internal scream.
How seeing a man’s erection could make her shiver on the day sheburied her husbandstruck her with deep shame that made it impossible for her to eat another bite.
Standing abruptly, she smiled too brightly at James. “I-I need to get out there. I’ve hidden long enough.”
Crossing the threshold, she could feel Gage’s eyes on her andhatedherself for the way her body reacted to it.
Rowan threw herself painfully back into the moment, welcoming the agony of loss she’d shied from earlier.
She deserved to suffer.
The list of her sins was growing.
After circulating for a while, Rowan walked up several steps of the house’s central staircase and looked out at the men and women who’d existed in Bennett’s orbit in one way or another: as a friend, working together, or one of his many appreciated employees. The people in attendance quieted and gathered in the broad foyer.
“I wasn’t able to speak earlier and I regret it. Bennett deserved better from me, more from me.” Rowan turned away, breathing deeply before starting again. James handed her a fresh handkerchief and she nodded in thanks.
“My husband was larger than life. He was sick when I met him but still powerful and charismatic. I did my graduate thesis on the Lion of Finance so I admit to a pre-existing crush on the man behind the financial column and books I devoured from the library - too broke to own them.” She paused with a smile. “I’m proud to say I have several personalized copies in my possession now.”
There were chuckles around the room.
“I’d seen photos of Bennett but wasn’t prepared for the vibrant green of his eyes or the intensity of his presence. He wooed me through an ankle injury - unorthodox to say the least - with ice packs and Chinese takeout sent to my dorm.”
Remembering, she was lost in thought. Shaking herself, she gripped the staircase bannister.
“He was a man who gave all of himself to his work, his charities, his friends…and me.” Rowan closed her eyes a moment. “Bennett gave meeverythingI never realized I needed. There’s a void where he resided and I’m going to work to fill that empty space with things that would make him proud of me. He carries a piece of my heart, like armor, into his next great adventure.”
Lifting a wine glass Mary-Margaret handed her holding apple juice, Rowan said clearly, “To Bennett.”
The marble echoed with every voice repeating her husband’s name and it caused goosebumps to break out all over her.
Welcome the grief.
Embrace the pain.
It would distract Rowan from the horrible person she’d turned out to be.
Chapter Fourteen
The next day, Rowan and Nina spent hours talking through the chaos of their younger selves and it felt amazing to finally share the intimate details of her life with Bennett with someone other than James or Mary-Margaret.
A woman her age who’d known her forever.
