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“The first time I talked Gage into sex, I usedyouas a trigger.”
“You didn’t…”
“Oh, I did. I was a cunt. I talked about how beautiful you were and how hard healwayswas if you were within touching distance. I told him to close his eyes and pretend I was you. It was the best sex of my jaded fucking life for years because he was thinking aboutyou, Rowan.”
Blinking rapidly, Rowan didn’t knowwhatto say.
“I told you, I was a disgusting person then. All fucked up in every way imaginable.” Nina cleared her throat. “After the first time, I told him he might as well keep pretending until he could get the real thing. He wasn’t the first man I manipulated into doing my bidding - or the last. I used his greatest weakness against him. You were his weakness when you were seventeen and you still are, Rowan.”
“Bennett…”
“Stop.” Rowan glanced up. “Bennett built this house next door to the first man you loved. Bought the land it’s on from Gage himself when there are better locations in this town for what you needed.”
Nina stood up and went to the window, pointing through the glass. “Made sure you glimpse Gage’shouseevery morning when you open your eyes. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever known. Why do you think he did that, Rowan?”
“I-I don’t…”
“No lies. You suck at it.”
Inhaling deeply, she whispered, “To put Gage in my way.”
“He knew you’d need a lot of things after he died, Rowan. Time to heal, a baby to love, and a man to expand on what Bennett taught you during your one night together. He also knew from personal experience how hard you love and that Gage still held a piece of you.”
“He doesn’t…”
“I said no lies, Rowan.”
“I-I don’twanthim to.”
“Not the same thing and you know it.”
“I’m not ready, Nina.”
“That’s okay...but there’s a difference in not being readynowand telling yourself you’re a horrible person if youeverhave another lover.” Nina returned to sit beside her. “Your heart needs more time but your body is ready to go today.”
Rowan clenched her hands tightly. “I just lost Bennett, I’m pregnant, and I’m confused. Gage is a distraction that makes my body freak out. I c-can’t control it.”
“To me, sex is therapy because I don’t know how to have a normal goddamn relationship. I know you’re not like that but you’re giving sextoo muchthought. Yes, you only recently lost Bennett but other than his last hours, you were celibate your entire relationship. Everyone knows you devoted your life to him and loved him deeply...but you also sacrificed. Then he flipped a switch and died. That switch is stuck in theonposition and you’re grieving - a time when you need human connection most.”
“What are you telling me to do, Nina?”
“You’re a grown ass woman with billions in the bank and control of an international company. Figure it out, smartest person in the room. Bennett loved you and wouldn’t want to see you all fucked up like you are now.” She winked. “Less stress...more stressrelief.”
Exhaling roughly, Rowan said, “Let me think about it.”
“Thinking won’t have anything to do with anything if you find yourself alone with the man you’ve loved half your life.” Nina grinned. “That happens, just go with it and you can purge your weird guilt to me after.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure thing.”
“You reacted pretty strongly to the twins…”
“And...we’re done chatting. Don’t add my shit to your big to-do list. I’m good.”
“I think you’re lying…”
Leaning forward until they were almost nose to nose, Nina said softly, “You’d never know because I’m anexcellentactress. Feed me.”
