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Like a low hum of electricity.
He checked on her every day and often kept her company. The dynamic between them was strangely familiar. They shared common bonds and history in the community. She knew his family, and they knew her.
Taking a sip of the water, she set it on the table between them. “Your mom called me last night. Told me she was getting married again.”
“I can’t believe it took those two this long to come out of the closet. They been sneakin’ around - afraid of how it would look to us boys - for a couple years.” He shook his head with a smile. “She’s known Teller for damn near forty years. He and my dad were best friends.”
“She sounded happy. Like her old self.”
“She and my dad were great together. I never saw them fight. I’m sure they did but to the world they were a unit. After he died, she could barely get out of bed for months. When she was past the worst of it, she was different.” He leaned his head against the chair. “Couple years ago, she started gettin’ her hair and nails done regular, dressin’ nice.”
“You followed her?”
“She came up with this crazy complicated lie about drivin’ up to Paris for a couple days. I got worried. Used one of the hand’s trucks so she wouldn’t recognize mine.”
He turned to her with a smile. “She got out of her car laughin’. I hadn’t seen her laugh like that in a long damn time. Teller hugged her hard then led her into a real nice restaurant. I drove home. Didn’t tell my brothers but felt better knowin’ she had somebody.”
Staring out at the trees, she said, “Tabitha has been amazing since I got back. Always assuring me that things get better by inches and then suddenly, by miles.”
“That’s how it was for her. She had a lot of years with Dad. You had less time but you sure packed a lot of love in what you got. One day, you’ll smile more, cry less, and think more about the memories than the loss.”
“Thank you, Gage.”
He stared at her without speaking for a long moment, as if he didn’t realize he was doing it. Then he murmured, “You’re a beautiful woman, Rowan. Sweet Pea used to call you asingularbeauty. I never knew what she meant until recently.”
Blushing, she tried to form a response.
“Sometimes, it’s almost painful to look at you. Like I can’t get enough air, can’t think straight. You’re the only woman I ever felt like that about.”
Getting up, he knelt on the floor, his knees on either side of her bare feet. “You’re cryin’ more as your due date gets closer. Hurtin’ bad again. You pretend everything makes you emotional but that isn’t it.”
He was closer to her than usual. It made her heart pound in her chest. “I’m alright,” she whispered.
“You’re not alright...and that’s alright. I think I know somethin’ that might help. Close your eyes, Rowan.”
After a long hesitation, she did.
Gage placed his palms on either side of her pregnant belly. The contact startled her but she kept her eyes closed.
As he so often did, he helped her disconnect, to relax, to zone out in a way she couldn’t do with anyone else.
“If Bennett were here, he’d fill your life with happiness as you waited for your child to be born. He’d try to soothe your fears and tell you how much he loved you constantly.” Rowan felt hypnotized. “You miss him more and more as you get closer to the baby comin’ and that makes sense. It’s somethin’ y’all should have shared.”
He smoothed his palms over her belly. “Keep your eyes closed and pretend. Clear your mind and imagine Bennett in front of you. Talk to him, Rowan. Now that some time has passed, tell him how you feel.”
Gage gently touched her. Slipped his palms across the tops of her hands on the chair, up her arms, over her bare shoulders, and cupped her face with his fingertips in her hair. He smoothed his thumbs over her jaw and up to wipe the tears that slipped beneath her closed lids.
Then he gently pulled her to him and cupped the back of her head, her face pressed against his chest as he stroked her hair. He held her firmly as Rowan’s arms went around his waist of their own volition.
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he rested his cheek there. As her crying got worse, he hugged her harder. Keeping his voice low, he said, “It’s alright, Rowan. Take what you need.”
“I’m sorry you were sick, that you felt less than the man you used to be but...I loved the man you were. I know it wasn’t fair after the life you lived to be weakened that way - to have your strength and vitality snatched away.”
Her arms tightened and she tried to get enough air. “I’m sorry every day we had wasn’t like our last together. That I was the-thereasonyou died. I didn’t want you to be afraid so I tried not to be afraid. Even though I knew I was killing the only man who loved me and I’d have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
Pressing her face to a strong shoulder, she shook with the hurt. “Our child won’t meet you, will never know you, and that’s my fault. As happy as I am, the joy comes with a cost I wouldn’t have paid if you’d justtalkedto me, Bennett.”
Tightening her fists in his shirt, she said through her tears, “I miss you. I love you, and it hurts that you didn’t give me achoicebefore you took yourself out of my life. Ideservedthat from you...I’dearnedthat from you. You-you didn’t have the right to leave me, to make me the instrument of your death. Part of me understands but the rest of me is haunted.”
