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Fortunately, everyone was so freaked out by Rowan being in labor that the questions were delayed.
Nina hadno doubtthey were coming.
They rushed Rowan to the hospital, watched in shock and awe as Gage delivered her baby, and embraced a new being to love and protect.
The entire time, James was steady by her side.
Her rock.
Her anchor.
The man she could no longer live without.
For the first time, the thought of being herself openly, honestly...didn’t scare Nina as much as it once did.
Maybe because James’ goodness, his light, his strength burned away the darkness inside her.
Maybe she wasn’t as horrible as she always imagined.
Time would tell.
Chapter Nineteen
2005 - Age 28
“We can’t keep living apart, Nina. I’m literally spending every night in Rowan’s house alone now that she moved into Gage’s place.” James’ voice was firm and his expression was intense. “This is ridiculous and you’re barely sleeping.”
“It’s just that Miss Jeffries needs…”
“Stop it, sweetheart. Stop.” He took her shoulders. “You wait until the girls are asleep to sneak out and come over here. You leave before dawn every morning to be there when they wake up. It isn’t Miss Jeffries, Nina.”
“They startedschool. It-it’s a lot to deal with and I want to help them acclimate to a new routine. They’re used to me and Miss Jeffries says they watch for me when I’m not there.”
“Nina.” He gathered her close and pressed her face to his chest. “I’m trying so hard not to push, to show you that you can trust me. I’ve given you almost a year to say the words. Why won’t you say them?”
“There’s nothing to say, James.” She tightened her arms around him. “I have everything I need.”
“You don’t and that’s alright. I love you and that means I want to fulfill all the pieces of you…”
“You do! I swear…”
“Don’t. No lies.” He tilted her head back and stared into her eyes. “The other day, I walked over while Rowan was napping with Benji. You were asleep in the side yard with those little girls stretched out beside you in the grass. The tree gave you shade but the breeze made the sun flicker over your faces every few seconds.” He leaned closer. “It was the single most beautiful image I’d ever seen.”
“Th-they’re little...they like to play. I-I play with them so they don’t feel alone. It’s hard to feel like you don’tbelonganywhere.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Smoothing his hand over her hair, he said, “They look just like you. Like me. They could have been our children...and it reminds you, doesn’t it?”
Blinking against tears, she whispered, “I can’t, James.”
“You can. You love those girls and you want them to be yours. Say the words, Nina.” He cupped her head. “Say the words and I’ll move mountains to give you what I know you need, sweetheart.”
“I’mpoison, James. I-I would contaminate them.”
“No. You’dlovethem. You’dprotectthem. You’dshow themby example that how someonestartsin the world means nothing compared to where theyend up.” Holding her face in his big hands, he wiped her tears with his thumbs. “You overflow with love. Share it with them, Nina. Change their lives.” He smiled. “I’d love to be a father.”
“You’re notlikeme, James. You’ve always been good.”
“Not always. No one is perfect, Nina. No one is pure. It’s our scars that make us human. That teach us to be better, to try harder. That’s who you are. A gorgeous mix of scars and hope...someone who never stops fighting.” He kissed her for a long time and pressed his cheek to hers. “Tell me, Nina. Say the words and trust me.”
