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I half expected Ryan to get defensive, but when his features softened, and he relaxed against the back of his chair, I was confused. Ryan was oddly calm.
“He’s upset, obviously, but he still loves you.”
Darlene flinched and made eye contact with me. I was missing something she hadn’t told me, and for a moment, my focus zoomed out until I was only an onlooker, watching an exchange I wasn’t remotely part of.
“I think he’s coming home today.”
Darlene looked relieved, and the tears in her eyes confirmed that whatever had happened, she’d been hurting nonstop. Ryan rubbed her back, and just like that, it was as if the two of them had never been on bad terms. Ryan had been so angry, anxious, and paranoid that Darlene was trying to ruin his life, and in turn, he was ready to ruin hers. But that’s not what I saw here. I saw two people who had known each other for years and wanted nothing more than to lift each other up out of their wrath.
“I almost went to see James, but I didn’t want to make Sherry uncomfortable.”
Darlene laughed. “I appreciate that. Maybe you should see him tomorrow.”
“I’ll bring breakfast.”
They talked about James, his daycare, and again about Duke. I was starting to understand that Darlene must have cheated on Duke, and now he’d chosen to forgive her.
“You didn’t go looking for Duke, did you?” Darlene asked warily, her arms folded across her chest as she leaned onto the table.
“No, hell no.” Ryan chuckled, but Darlene sent him a careful look that seemed to warn him of something because he cleared his throat and turned serious again. “I just mean that I wouldn’t have looked for him, but no. I saw him at the park. Remember? Where—”
“Where our lives came together.”
Warmth spread through the sound of those words coming off her lips. I drank another long drink of my beer and wished I had food.
“Oh my gosh, Christie.” I looked up at the sound of my name and raised my brows so Darlene would continue. “Has he shown you the park?”
“No! Of course not.” If it was some sacred thing between them worth calling “the park,” I definitely wasn’t in this deep enough for him to show it to me.
“Well, if he ever does, make him take you to the bench by the oak tree.” She smiled slyly. “We had some of our best times there.”
I hadn’t noticed until then that Ryan was looking at me. His auburn hair looked more deep brown without light kissing the stray strands around his crown. I tried to break eye contact, but his green eyes wouldn’t release me from their somber grip. I wanted to tell him to stop, to look away. The pity in his gaze only made me feel like he was confirming what little he felt for me, like he was telling me sorry for using me.
The longer he stared, the angrier I became, so I opened my mouth to tell him to stop it when I realized Darlene had still been talking. “What?” I asked.
“You don’t need to be shy about anything; just tell me.” Darlene’s eyelashes fluttered expectantly, and she braced interlocked fingers to cradle her chin. “What’s going on between you two?”
The little bit of foam that remained in my beer glass seemed so much more interesting at the moment, but I managed a response. “Nothing, really,” I said with a sigh. “We’re not really anything to each other. Right?”
When I looked at Ryan again, his blank expression didn’t say whether I was right or wrong, but his apparent inability to respond told me all I needed to know. He may have liked me at one point, but now he finally had a chance to make things right with Darlene. I’d never stand in the way of that, no matter how much it hurt. After all, we’d barely known each other for half a week. Going through a stressful situation with someone after being with them intimately could produce some inclination toward feelings, but it didn’t mean anything. Not compared to something special he’d had for years.
“Yeah, we’re just friends,” I said, turning my gaze to Darlene instead, but she seemed disappointed. She did seem to like a good story. I’d bet she fit right in with those gossipy moms who liked to talk crap about each other.
“Oh!” Darlene jerked upright when her phone went off. She looked at it. “Ryan, it’s Duke.”
“Oh, good,” he said with a little less enthusiasm as he watched my pitiful attempts not to look up. “What will you do?”
“I should head home,” she decided. “He and I have a lot to talk about.”
It just occurred to me that if she’d cheated, it may have been with Ryan. It only made sense that that would be the case, or Ryan wouldn’t have felt the need to talk to Duke in the first place when he saw him. Ryan offered to drive her home, and she accepted. By tomorrow, maybe Duke and I would be in the same boat.
When we finally parted ways, my head swam with emotions and a lot of beer. I couldn’t tell whether the empty pit in my soul was from everything I’d just witnessed or the excess of alcohol challenging my liver to a duel.
In a way, I felt damaged, abandoned like a used toy dropped into a for-sale box. Suddenly, I didn’t want this job, but I hadn’t thought I’d wanted it because of Ryan. How could I have? We barely even knew each other—no more than a couple of good conversations, drinks, and two nights of sex. That’s all it was. I hoped I wasn’t making the wrong choice by staying. The misery I’d be in to be that tagalong friend of a happy couple—I’d be worse off than if I’d just kept living at home.
I wanted them to be happy. I really, truly did. But I couldn’t lie to myself; I’d hoped Ryan had wanted me.
Chapter 29
