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That's good?Come on, Cara, you’re supposed to be trying to win him over!
I grip the coffee pot and lift it, focusing on pouring the coffee to keep my voice calm. “I mean, I’m glad it’s not worse. It sounded pretty awful on the phone.”
“Did it?” His next words ghost over the back of my neck, and a wall of heat forms behind me.When did he get so close?I hadn’t even heard himmove,but now the warmth radiating from his body caresses my back like a lover's touch. I swallow hard, and the coffee pot clacks with my trembling hand as I place it back in its holder.
I can’t speak. I can barelybreatheas my chest tightens and anticipation trickles hot down my spine.
“Turn around, Cara,” Killian commands quietly.
I can’t.
I’m frozen in place, roots going deep through the stained tiles and locking me in place. My mind turns to mush as his warm breath tickles over my skin once more.
“Isaid, turn around.”
An irresistible firmer edge slips into his tone then, and I spin around, ripping myself free from the counter until I’m face to face with him. He takes up all my air in an instant, and I press back into the ledge, gripping the edge with both hands as it cuts into my spine. He stands barely an inch away from me, his eyes impossibly dark in the dull light of the kitchen, and the world strips away as I stare up at him, waiting for him to speak.
“I may not…agreewith how you handled things,” Killian states calmly, calmer than I expected. “But I understand.”
“You do?” The words escape in a strained whisper.What does he mean?
“I do,” he repeats. “Protecting family is everything. That kind of loyalty in the face of suchtreachery…can be difficult to hold onto. But you did. And I understand.”
My chest swells, about to burst from the lack of air, but I’m still too tense to move, to breathe. I’m frozen in time, held in place by those eyes.Where is this coming from?He’d beenenragedon the phone. Now he speaks as if forgiveness nestles in his heart.
“I—,” I try but it comes out mostly a squeak, and Killian’s eyes flick down to my stuttering chest. His brows come together just above his nose, then he reaches behind me for his coffee and steps away to the other counter, clear of my space.
Sagging faintly, I suck in a sudden deep breath as I peel my fingers free from the counter and clasp them together, rubbing to return the circulation lost from the tightness of my grip.
“You’re not… angry?”
“Oh, I’m angry,” Killian states sharply as he takes a sip. “I’mveryangry, and I’m hurt, Cara. I won’t lie, nor will I hide it. But…” He pauses as I thread my fingers together. “I’m just saying my perspective has changed, and I understand. I would have expected you to be grateful.”
“I am!” I exclaim, “I mean, I wanted to explain. I never meant to hurt you, not even a little. I didn’t even completely like you at the time, but that’s beside the point. I just wanted… Ineededto protect my father at that moment, and I thought that since it was in the past, it didn’t really matter because it couldn’t be changed, and things are different now!”
It spews like vomit and I can’t stop it, not even as Killian regards me cooly over the edge of his cup. My knuckles creak under my own grip, and I take a half step towards him, unsure of his response.
“I would have done the same,” Killian replies finally, “I have done the same, I suppose. Loyalty to family is the most important thing. But, Cara, youmustunderstand, your loyalty is tomenow.”
I nod furiously.
“As is mine to you,” Killian adds and I pause the wringing of my fingers. This is far from how I expected our discussion to go. I accept that Killian is angry and hurt. But if he understands, then there is a chance this can be mended. Warmth blossoms through my chest as I take a deeper breath, and I fight the curl at the corners of my mouth. Now is not the time for visible relief.
Killian pushes off from where he rests the counter and wanders slowly towards the lounge as he drinks. I move towards the spot he vacated, seeking out his lingering warmth as I watch him pace to the window and glance outside.
“I’m still…angrythough,” he says and his shoulders are set so firmly they resemble a square. “You, Cara.” He turns to point at me. “I can’t stop thinking about how yousworeto me that you had told me the truth. How I opened myself up to you and it—it was built on lies.”
Here it comes. Here is where he yells and screams and calls me all the foul things under the sun. Heunderstands,but he still hates me. I step around the counter, following his steps at a slower pace. Whatever it is, I’ll take it.
I deserve it.
“And yet,” he continues, “no matter how much I drank to drown you out, you were still here.” He touches two fingers to his temple. “You distract me. I can’t focus when I’m with you, and I can’t fucking focus without you. You tear me down andhurtme, and still, you’re all I can think about, like some kind of addiction.”
He turns away from the window and locks onto me with those dark, swirling eyes, so I pause on the edge of the lounge rug. The anger I expect doesn’t seem to be rising, even if it’s clearly simmering under the surface. If anything, Killian seems a little restrained, wound up with nowhere to go, and he drags that iron gaze down me before he turns away to set his cup down on a side table.
He’s impossible to read, forever calm, even though his words tell a story of hurt and anger. I’ll have to make my best guess here.
Instinct reacts faster than thought, and before I know it, I’m kneeling down on the rug with my feet tucked underneath my ass and my hands resting lightly on my upper thighs. I wait as my heart starts to pound fiercely in my chest. He continues to pace through the lounge, his back to me.
