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“Now this I’ve got to see to believe,” Bess says. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m no prude. But I’m not a fan of my cheating husband either.”
“Fear not,” he tells her. “There’s none of that in your soon-to-be heavenly home.”
“How soon?” Nettie asks, sounding more than a little anticipatory.
“Oh hush, you,” Bess snips. “Go on, Phineas. What’s the deal with romantic relationships in the Big House?”
“You make it sound like a prison,” Nettie mutters.
“It will be if my ex is allowed to roam free,” Bess mutters back.
Phineas chuckles to himself. “You won’t have to worry about being hurt by anybody up there. The desire to sin, thus the desire to invoke any hurtful activity against anyone else, has been thoroughly expunged from its inhabitants. And should you find someone who you are inclined to have a romantic connection with, then you would enter into a commitment. That means—”
“Oh, we know what it means,” Bess says. “You’ll have to explain that to our exes.”
“Should they arrive, I most certainly will,” he says.
“Just in case we don’t know the full parameters,” I say. “Go on and finish up the dissertation.”
“Very well,” he says. “It means that when a man and a woman have decided that they’re going to be exclusive in the romantic sense, they commit to being in a romantic relationship with one another.”
Sparky bounces an entire foot off of Nettie’s arm. “And I bet that means they can do exclusive stuff—like set one another on fire—in the heavenly sense.”
Phineas nods. “Indeed, that is one of the perks. The beauty of a commitment over a marriage covenant is that the only thing binding you to one another in the heavenly realm is your desire to be together. On earth, you’re bound by spiritual law; in His kingdom you’re bound by hearts. That wouldn’t have worked here because it would have prompted everyone toward hedonism and swapping out partners on a whim—as you can see is already the case. Let’s just say commitments are not taken lightly where I’m from and people do not claim to have feelings only to light a few celestial flames.”
“That begs the question”—I say, giving both Bess and Nettie’s hand an inadvertent squeeze—“how long does a typical commitment last in heavenly pastures?”
He shakes his head. “Seeing there’s no time, I couldn’t be able to quantify it for you.”
“Knew it.” Bess slams her free hand over the table. “The place is run by men, what could I expect? Their end game is still getting the honey from the honey pot.”
“The place is run by the divine,” he counters. “And to finish answering the question, not a single commitment has yet to be broken.”
My mouth falls open. “You mean there are couples who have been dead for over a millennium up there and they’re still going strong?”
He nods. “They’re just getting started.”
“Huh,” Bess muses. “Maybe there’s something to this heavenly bliss after all.”
Nettie leans in. “So you’re saying they had to eradicate human nature to get men to behave?”
“And women,” he says, looking sternly at her.
“Why do I get the feeling he’s giving me the stink eye?” Nettie says.
“Because he can see the stinky sinner in you,” Sparky fires back with a laugh.
“Who made you say that?” Nettie calls out as she looks at the stump sitting at the end of her arm.
“Just wait until you hear what else I’ve got to say,” Sparky murmurs. “You talk in your sleep, sister.”
Bess nods my way. “He really does know her.”
“Which brings me to my next point,” Nettie growls as she looks at Sparky. “Let’s talk murder.”
The wooden boy gulps hard just as a dark-haired man with an easy smile walks by talking on his phone.
“I’ll meet up with you tonight when I get back on the ship,” Travis Weatherly shouts into the receiver.
