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She gestured for him to come and join her at the table. He walked over, putting his hand on the small of her back as she lifted the cloth off the plate she’d made for him.
He reached around her to touch it. She’d taken her time with the firing process and the coloring. It was a gray-colored plate like his favorite suit color. The design had been in blue and mimicked the tattoo on his wrist. She’d added a line of text on the bottom of the plate, just this one because it was special that read:Sometimes the second chance is letting go.
He turned away from her.
“Max.”
“How many of these did you make?”
“Well, just one for you and one for your parents,” she said. She wasn’t totally sure but this wasn’t going at all as she’d hoped.
“Did you give it to them?”
“No. I wanted to gift this to you first,” she said. “You hate it.”
“I told you how I feel about family. Seeing this isn’t going to bring Cal back.”
She remembered that day at the mansion when she’d asked about the fact that he had no family photos. He’d been clear that he didn’t like attachments or reminders around him. Why had she thought this was a good idea?
“I didn’t mean for it too,” she said and then realized that she couldn’t keep tiptoeing around him. “Your brother is a huge part of your life and actually your parents are too. You keep everyone at arm’s length. I don’t know why. But I don’t think it’s good for you and it’s certainly not good for a relationship.”
“Good thing we decided to keep this casual,” he said. “Also I don’t recall asking you what’s good for me.”
“I know you wouldn’t because then you’d have to admit that I mean something more to you than a Christmas affair.”
“Is that what this is about?” he asked.
She couldn’t read him. Her temper was ratcheting up and he was still calm. This was all she needed to know about their relationship. She was in it and loved him and he was standing there so calmly and unaffected. All of her emotions were churning like they had that day in New Orleans when she’d just given in to the anger and frustration and lashed out at Veronica.
But this time…she wanted to be smarter. She didn’t want to hurt Max the way she’d wanted to rip Veronica to shreds. She loved him too much. And that was really all she could think of.
“I’m sorry you don’t see this gift the way it was intended. I think you have such a well inside of you that is waiting to be filled with love and with people. But you are afraid to let anyone in. I suspect it has something to do with Cal. But I guess I’ll never know. I love you, Max. But I also respect you and myself. I’m not going to try to make something here that you don’t want or can’t accept.”
He stayed where he was, just watching her with an icy-cold demeanor that she’d only seen in him when he was in business settings. She waited hoping…well hoping that he’d say he loved her too and he was wrong to reject her handmade, heart-made gift.
But he didn’t. Maybe it had been too much to hope for that the Christmas angel would grant her this wish. That for the first time when she’d really wanted something she couldn’t get for herself, it was out of her reach.
“Goodbye, Max,” she said then turned and walked out of her father’s study and back into the party.
It was jarring and she couldn’t handle it. She felt her hands shaking and Cosima spotted her, rushing to her side and pulling her into the hall powder room.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. No. Max doesn’t love me.”
Cosima pulled her into her arms and hugged her close. “He’s an idiot.”
But he wasn’t. He was just a man who was afraid to let anyone in. Something he’d shown her time and again.
*
Go after her.
He heard Cal’s voice clearly in his mind but he stayed still. He tried to ignore it, looking down at the plate she’d given him. The emptiness that he’d always used to insulate himself wasn’t there. It had been filled by Angelica.
He heard a knock on the door and then it opened and he was surprised that his father was standing there. Max just took a deep breath as his dad came into the room and closed the door behind him.
“I saw Angelica leave…I hope you don’t mind,” he said.
