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The sadness has traveled to my heart and made my soul heavy. The voices in my head have gone quiet. They don’t even taunt me anymore. And I have to say I might miss them because at least they had something to say instead of the silent.
There is a particular type of longing when it comes to long-distance relationships or second chance possibility
I remember driving miles away from you, and I kept thinking, every mile behind me was another inch of freedom I never knew I deserved.
And I miss you, I do. I physically ache for you, and my body wants to reject the emptiness, so I am left with it.
It’s fucked up, and I don’t want to, but I do. I miss heaven and hell with you.
I shouldn’t; I don’t know why I would. Enzo doesn’t make sense, but I can’t tell my heart something I don’t understand either.
For now, I miss you, and my wounded heart will revive itself, slugging along to the following beat, hoping next time, with someone new, it won’t worry about being enough. It will only be calm in becoming.
I want to put distance between us.
Entire oceans and mountains I’ve recalled the names of. But I don’t care for you to know because you might find me. And sometimes, being lost makes me happier than being visible.
I feel the need to flee, run. Far from you. Because maybe then I won’t think we are close enough to be together. Close enough to give a try to a fading heartbeat.
Sometimes if I stay in the city, I will stay awake all night watching the people come and go. I’ll listen to their heartbreak and love stories. I watch the lights flicker, and they make me dream.
I envy being a part of this vibration no one else can feel. A community of senses and memories that belong to me, and no one knows I was visible to witness this moment in theirs.
Wow, I’ve never seen a green sky before, but now it feels like I might be able to touch it.
There are no rules to traveling. Within setting out on a journey, you let go of what you expect to happen. Leave behind ideas of the perfect vacation and seek out undisturbed.
I realized I loved Kenzo, but I learned something along the nights without him. It’s that I loved myself more to give up everything I have for him.
“Why don’t you ask him then?” Elle is behaving ridiculously normally.
I don’t know where she came from, but she appears like a fairy. Sparkles and all to match the stars.
“Because I’m afraid of what he might say?” We lay on our backs as we hear a few parties down the way.
Don’t worry, I made friends with the scorpions, so if anyone tries to mess with us, they will attack them.
“What is the worst he could say, no?”
No, the worst thing would be him saying yes and showing up.
“I...I just don’t want to ruin the good streak.” The excellent streak of not talking to each other means not yelling at each other.
“Phoebe, let me tell you a secret. You are one of the hardest boldest bitches I know. But if a guy like him isn’t ready to love you, then forget him. Don’t waste your time on someone who is waiting until the time is better.” Elle sits up, and she starts braiding my hair.
“We live in different states.”
Her skills continue to amaze me. “Oh my gosh was that an excuse that just flew by. God those are awful. I bet you didn’t know my boyfriend lives in Utah still. But he drives here to be with us.”
“Why?”
“Because his job pays well, and he can’t leave yet. But he is going to soon.” What is she talking about?
“No, I mean, why he would live in Utah? It’s awful.” Except for the National Parks, excuse my foul language to those unique places.
“Not the point, my friend! There are airplanes; you constantly drive around the country.”
“What if he isn’t happy with settling down?” I can’t confirm, but I think the fish in the sky is winking at me.
