AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Like a fish, my water adapts to the water, my body ripples against the current of pressure and performance. The second we reach the beginning wall I lift my head out and spray the water out of my mouth, exhausted. My eyes are on the scoreboard. I can’t believe the number I am staring at; it isn’t even close to number one.
Number four is next to my name. I can hear Alyeska in the stands shouting my name like I’ve won gold, but the last time I ranked below the top three I was in junior high.
Fuck, I need a few pills to get my head right. I can’t believe I fucked this up. Even if it was for practice, this isn’t my best and I am suffering instead of getting better.
I put my hands on the side of the pool and push myself up and out. The other competitors are in a group congratulating each other and I go and show my support, telling them good job. But the second I am done with smiles and slaps on the back, I find my bag and head for the locker room.
Aly is waiting outside the locker room for me. She seems completely at ease, and I wish I was in a good enough mood to feel that way.
She doesn’t talk as we find my truck. I start the truck and pull out of the parking lot, wanting to get the hell out of here. Far away from this embarrassment and brutal loss.
My hand goes into my bag and I find the pill bottle, I take it out and try to twist off the cap but Aly steals it away from me.
“I fucking lost, Aly.” You would think she would give me some slack.
“You came in fourth, I wouldn’t say that is losing. Maybe it is learning.” Her voice is playful and positive. Bring back the witch with claws please. “Besides, you said this event doesn’t matter. It was a practice one.” With a shrug, she ruins any hope for me to see the bigger picture.
“It matters to me, don’t you get it? I am one of the top ten best college swimmers in the country. How stupid does it make me look if I come in fourth to average college swimmers? I just need one more pill to take the edge off.” It will fix my problem, then I can assess why I fucked up and what needs to change to better be prepared.
“It will always be one more pill, Lad. One more pill to make you sleep better, eat better, eat less, eat more, grow stronger, faster. Hell, one more pill to take all your troubles away. Forget you, I’m not playing savior to your ass. Why do men always put pressure on women to save them from their sins? I didn’t sign up to be bitched at by you.” Aly takes the pill bottle and chucks it out the window.
“Are you fucking crazy?” I slam my hand against the steering wheel. “Shit, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t lose my cool.” I don’t realize what I am saying, I don’t care. I keep wondering if I can find the pill bottle on the side of the highway if I turn around for it.
But my dad calls, and I swallow any nerves to answer it.
I eye Alyeska whose lips are pursed as she stares forward. Then press accept to the car’s Bluetooth, letting the phone call be live streamed for my passenger and me.
“Hey, Dad.” Be cool, be calm.
“Where were you tonight?” It’s this thing my dad and I do. Sometimes I got bored of the pool as a kid. So, my dad came up with this imaginary game where we would imagine we were swimming in exotic waters. It helped me overcome the repetitiveness of the single lane.
“In Mexico, at Hidden Beach, on the Marietas Islands.” Aly leans away from me, not understanding the ritual between my dad and me.
“Seclusion can be useful when focusing our attention on the finish line.” Dad shuffles something on his desk, he must still be at work. “How did the meet go?” My number one supporter.
“I messed up my take off, my toe caught. Finished fourth.” I hate the words as they come out of my mouth. I am supposed to be a national champion. This is not what years of my life have been for, to come so close and foul up.
“It is good to have humbling experiences, son. Remember, you can’t win them all, all the time.” Dad is more encouraging and understanding, which makes me find another level of anger.
“Of course, Dad. Aly and I are driving back now. We have class in the morning.” I stare at the taillights on the car in front of me.
“Are you doing okay with school and everything? Are your classes too much pressure?” He doesn’t want me to become too overwhelmed. It was my choice to go to college and swim.
I could have tried to go to the Olympics right out of high school, but I wanted to be with my friends still. I was still reeling in my glory days and wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.
“Yes, everything is great, Dad.” I hope he can’t hear the lie.
“It seems, I’ve noticed I mean, you have been different since the night you got in an accident. It’s been a year and your shoulder should be recovered. Are you sure nothing else is going on you want to talk about?” I clench my jaw at his words. My dad knows me better than anyone. But I can’t let him down, it might kill me.
“No, Dad. My shoulder is fine. I actually threw away the pain pills months ago. I have had a lot of pressure with the upcoming trials. When things settle down, I will be good.” It’s a fib; it isn’t the first time.
“Oh, son, it is good to hear. Have a safe drive home, tell your friend I say hi.” Dad leaves the phone call with I love you.
“My dad says hi.” I reach for the volume and hang up the phone.
“Now you are lying to your dad. Not a good way to please him.” Aly snorts and folds her arms over her chest.
“I’ll kick the habit before he even knows.” I shrug off her resentment. “What do you know about pleasing parents, you haven’t got any left?”
