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We stand together on the wide porch as Julian rings the doorbell. I am sure to whoever opens the door it will look like a Christmas card with an extra relative that doesn’t really belong anywhere.
“You ring the doorbell at your own home? Strange.” I whisper it out to the mass, but Julian doesn’t have a comeback because his mom opens the door and sees me first, is disappointed, then finds her son, her granddaughters and then my cousin Bambi, the prize of all glories.
“Well, come inside, we don’t want to let the heat in.” She waves us in with her frozen blonde hair, not one strand out of place.
“Yes, we wouldn’t want anyone in the mortuary to thaw.” I shed my jacket and place it in her hands.
“What?” She asks, confused by the language of sarcasm, so she looks to Julian to interpret.
“She was agreeing with you, Mom.” Julian is going to be exhausted by playing referee and clean up if he plans on changing everything I say to make me seem more likeable.
“Better get a drink or two in you, Julie. I’ve been thinking up good comments all week. Been saving them for tonight.” I slap him on the shoulder, hoping he is prepared.
“Julian have you been drinking already? We haven’t even had appetizers yet.” Julian’s mother, her name is probably Sarah or Susan, something that makes her common and human.
“No, Mom, Alyeska was offering to help get everyone’s drinks before dinner.” Julian brings an arm around my shoulders and pushes me toward his mother. We both are surprised at Julian’s statement. Me more than her, I am sure.
“Well, that would be wonderful, come with me dear.” Sarah/Susan loops her arm around mine, as we prepare to skip and frolic to the kitchen. I make sure Bambi sees me leave the room in case I don’t come back. My cousin thinks it’s funny; it must be to be her.
“So, what do you like to drink?” Susie/Sara, I see where Julian gets his spunky spark.
“I love tall glasses of hard liquor, and then when I am finished taming myself with a few IV drips of morphine.” I grab the glasses she hands me as her face screws into confusion. “But red wine will satisfy me for now.”
My host’s eyes light up when I mention wine. She grabs a few bottles.
“Sometimes, I have a whole bottle by myself, don’t tell my husband.” She winks at me, and I don’t want to share any secrets with this woman. We are not meant to be friends.
“I wouldn’t dare say a word to your husband. Wouldn’t want him to realize women aren’t his property and shouldn’t be in the kitchen getting drinks for men, so they aren’t inconvenienced or interrupt their misogynistic conversations. While we closet drink our problems away to help us remember what orgasms feel like.” I swear I never promised I would play nice, but this lady makes it too damn easy.
Julian’s mom is staring at me. For real, eyes locked, trying to figure me out, but if she finds the answer, I want to see the answer key.
“You’re so funny.” I think she half means it.
“I’m sorry, what is your name again? Sarah, Susan?” I pick up a drink and put it on the tray.
“Emily, actually. That’s funny, I do get Sarah a lot.” She presses a hand to her heart, and I can’t believe my luck.
“No fucking way,” I mutter under my breath.
“What?” She hears my constant mumbling.
“I said no way, Emily! I have a girl in my college classes named Emily.” Not to mention the girl who threw up on my shoes at the graduation party, or the other lady who stole the last box of crackers from my hand at the store.
“You should totally become friends with her!”Emily, I will do no such thing.I hold the tray as she opens the door to the living room. “Sorry, your name is so unique I forget it sometimes.” Emily taps her lips, and I debate if I should make this difficult for her.
“It’s Alyeska.” I take the strides next to her.
“Wow, that is so colorful.” Okay, difficult it is going to be.
“It was the old way to spell Alaska. It means great country, or great land. Better than Rat Island, which was its nickname when a Japanese whaling boat docked there and had all their furry friends populate the area.” I set the tray of glasses on the coffee table. “What does your name mean? Fragile petal?”
“I don’t think so, it probably means youthful and beauty. But I don’t know what my name means; I have always thought I would make my own definition to fit me.” Emily isn’t playing the game right.
“How fun for you.” I smile so hard I think horror movies are frightened. Emily takes a bottle, hands each of us a glass, and starts pouring.
I sit down next to Bambi, and she leans in close.
“Her name means rival.” With a small giggle, I think I love my cousin more than these people ever will.
