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“Wait a second, please, I tried coming over last night to Bambi’s, but you weren’t there. Your cousin barely talked to me, this whole thing is a mess. Fuck, Alyeska I didn’t know it would get so out of hand.” I fumbled with stupid excuses knowing there is only one way to truly fix this.
“Yeah, because I got kicked out. Apparently, my cousin and her soon-to-be husband don’t take kindly to drug addicts.” Aly shoves the paper away and shakes her head before giving me her attention.
“I tried talking to them. I told Bambi the truth, but I don’t know if she believed me or not. I’ll call them again and fix this.” I feel desperate and tingly.
“It’s no good. Thanks though, I should head to class.” There isn’t anger in her voice, and I wish she was screaming yelling, slapping, anything but this defeated person has no fight left in her.
“Wait, where have you been sleeping?”
Aly concentrates on my cheek and then avoids me further, finding my friends across the courtyard. I ignore them; this isn’t their business anyway.
“Alyeska, where have you been staying?” I put a hand on her hip, hoping she will give me an answer that won’t make me hate myself more.
“It isn’t your problem; I am not your problem. You are not my problem. Jesus, I was so focused on helping you, I took your problems and made them my own, but it seems like I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences.” She rolls her shoulders back and I take the punches her words are meaning to hit.
“Where, baby?” I cup her face for a second before she remembers I am her only enemy.
“There’s this shelter off the highway, close to downtown.” But the answer she gives me isn’t what I want to hear at all, and the rage inside of myself ensues.
“Are you fucking serious, Alyeska? Do you know how dangerous that is?” I am about to throw my books to the ground over this bullshit.
“Of course I fucking know. Don’t get in my face and tell me what I already know. What I’ve known my whole life. Some places never change, Aladden. But I doubt you know anything about it.” I can see her defenses kick in, ready to protect herself.
“Why didn’t you answer? How am I supposed to protect you if I don’t know where you are?” I reach out and hold her, but she shoves me back.
I am the opponent.
“Let go of me, just let me go. Can’t be that hard. You were never one to put others before yourself. It was always a front. Isn’t that what you told me? We were always rivals, Lad, we should have stayed that way.” Aly is searching for an escape, but I can’t let her go this easy.
“You’re sleeping at my house. I’ll sleep upstairs; I’ll stay at Rush’s. I will confess everything to my dad. Whatever you want just for the love of God, don’t go back to the shelter. I’ll make things right with your cousin. I promise.” Anything to clean the slate and give her back security.
“That’s the thing about promises, if you hear them so many times, they start to sound less true. Until one day, or night in our case, you realize they were never true. Don’t worry about me.” Alyeska waves me off and I don’t throw in the towel that quick.
“Don’t try to be strong; you need me, you need a place to stay, and you have to come back with me.” She has to come back to me. I will be lost without her.
“Let me get this straight,I need you?” Aly thumbs a finger to herself and laughs with bite. “But you never need anyone? Let me clear it up for the both of us. Because maybe then we will fully understand how different we are.” I can see how hurt she is, and I did those things to her to make her question her worth.
“Aly, I’m sorry.” But apologies aren’t going to get me anywhere; it is too late.
“I don’t need you. I’ve never needed you. Wanted you? Absolutely. Loved you,fuck, like I was insane, and I wouldn’t care if we both fell into a batch of toxic waste and came out psychos. But that’s what it feels like, like I’m another person instead of a scared little girl hiding in the corner being the outcast. But with you I was brave, fearless, and goddamn it, it felt good like there was a weight off my chest. I didn’t have to look over my shoulder every five minutes worried something might go wrong. But you were the worst thing that has ever happened to me.” She points a finger in my direction and we both wish it was a bullet.
“Aly, I never meant to hurt you.” I bite my cheek, wondering how many times I can possibly say it to her.
“I have no family, I have no home. I have nothing left. I’m dropping out college, Lad. I don’t know why I am even here. I’m not going anywhere. But you are headed places, so please don’t let me get in your way.” Aly is pissing herself off and I don’t know what else to do or say.
But Rush is heading this way and I don’t want him interfering, even if his heart is in the right place.
“Hey, I will talk to them. I will make this right.” I touch her skin again and she recoils.
“If you wanted to make it right, you would have already. But you stayed silent, and it spoke volumes to me. The semester ends in a few days, should finish up what I can and then bail. Guess I’m a bad influence and my behavior shouldn’t rub off on others. At least that’s what your Coach said to me this morning.” Aly eyes Rush, but no one helps his confusion or explains why Aly is crying again. But they are angry tears brought on by betrayal.
“This is bullshit.” Shoving my hands in my pockets if I am not able to comfort her.
“Guess you’re new to disappointment. Hopefully this will be the only one you have to face.” She mocks me with her pain.
“Alyeska.”For the love of God, please don’t leave me.
“We’re done here. Good luck at your swim conference next week.” Saluting me with the middle finger.
