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Mom clears her throat. “When are you leaving? Or coming back?”
I shrug. “I thought I’d leave now. Would you like to come with me?”
Silence is what I get for a response, so I face her again. Mom stands with her phone pressed to her chest, eyes glistening with moisture.
“You’re going to make me cry,” I mutter, feeling guiltier than before.
Mom swallows a sob and throws herself onto me in a rib-cracking hug. “Yes! Let’s have fun. It’s been so-o-o-o-o long.”
I peel her off me. “Sorry.”
She taps my nose with the tip of her finger. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. A-a-and.” She plucks the photo out of my hands and pretty much runs to the other side of the room, putting the desk between us. “I’m keeping this.” She opens one of the desk drawers, drops the photo in, then closes the drawer. It beeps to let her know it has locked itself.
I shake my head, but Mom grabs her purse and waltzes to the door. “Let’s go, Laurel. Let’s not waste our precious time.”
Her words bring to memory Hal’s words about playing guitar with my dad while I still have him. The same could be said about Mom. I used to brush his comments off. I’d feel sad that he’s lost his parents, but I’d never give the situation much thought. Today, I feel stupid for wasting so many opportunities to be a happy daughter and to enjoy a full family.
“First things first,” Mom declares as we get into the SUV, with Jonas already behind the wheel. “Your hair.”
My mouth opens to say that it’s fine, but I already know that it’s not. “You think Hanna will have time for me today? Even you and Dad have to book her with a certain amount of notice.”
“For you she will be available.” Her fingers are flying over her phone screen like crazy. “Done. She’s waiting for us at her south suite.”
Excellent. Because I will be in top form with Briar and her friends.
Track 19
I’m Not That Hard to See
Jace
(end of August)
The day of Briar’s party, we arrive at the venue early to help set up. By venue I mean Zach Tang’s summer house in Cannon Beach. By we I mean myself, Tristan, and a handful of others along with the catering crew. Link’s sleeping disorder only let him fall asleep this morning at six, so Jelly stayed with him until he’s able to function again. She’ll bring him over later. Until then, Tristan and I are supposed to distract Briar from Link not answering her texts or calls.
I can no longer complain that my life is falling apart. Not even close. Link is struggling with demons that don’t even have a name, and he has to lie to the love of his life about it too. I don’t know if I’d be able to lie to Laurel like that. I’d tell her everything. I’d spend every moment with her just to feel better. I think about her whenever dark clouds gather above my head. Does Laurel think about me the same way?
Probably not. I’m the embodiment of everything she despises.
Or I used to be. I’m at her place almost every night. She must like something about me.
It’s a little after six in the evening when Tristan and I finish helping wiring everything sound-related for the night. The guests will start arriving at eight, so we sit in the evening sun, toasting and quiet. Not tired yet, but not talkative either. My attention wanders to my phone. I type insleeping disordersfor the hundredth time since getting the news. I remember that Link is getting medical attention, and that no one can figure out what’s wrong with him, but that doesn’t take the restlessness away. Neither does scrolling through countless articles on tumors, cancers, genetic disorders, trauma, and hosts of mental health conditions that could be causing Link to suffer.
I stare at the darkening sky, embracing the numbness for a moment. Nothing makes sense anymore, and things I thought mattered… I’m not supposed to feel like a torn leaf thrown to the mercy of a storm. Nothing’s wrong with me. My legs walk, my arms lift, and my brain functions like it should. And yet, I’m terrified. Helpless. I glance at Tristan. He’s scrolling through articles that appear to be a whole lot like the ones I’ve been reading. He notices me watching and gives me a look that says he’s as frustrated and scared as I am.
“This sucks,” he mutters.
All I can do is nod.
“Hey, hey.” Briar approaches us with two plastic bags in her hands. “Hand them over.”
We exchange another, somewhat panicky look, and hurry to close our browsers and power down our phones. It’d be a disaster if Briar found out about Link’s battle like this. I agree with Jelly that Link shouldn’t hide anything from her, but we promised him we’d be quiet, so quiet we will be.
“You know the rule.” She opens the first bag and motions for Tristan to drop his phone in.
The rule is no one’s allowed to have a device on them during the party. Most guests bring a new song to showcase in lieu of presents. As a precaution, Briar confiscates all phones so that no one gets overly excited about the new tunes and leaks anything before the creators are ready.
“It’s not even seven yet,” he grouches, still complying.
