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I’ve experienced this wretched silence. It facilitated my citizenship in the land of romantic disenchantment.
He was supposed to be different.
Jace exhales, and his face settles into that determined expression I know so well. He closes the distance between us and takes my hands, facing his challenges straight on, as always, whatever the cost. What will this cost him? What he’s about to say can’t possibly hurt him more than it will hurt me. I’ve leveled every wall around my heart for him. I’ve surrendered to my emotions. I’ve allowed myself to believe he cared about me as much as I’ve grown to care about him—
“Laurel—”
“Oh, relax.” I free my hands and pinch his cheeks. “I know why you’re here. To break up with me. You think I didn’t see it coming?” I didn’t. Not this soon. I thought we’d fray each other’s feelings for a few more months before one of us decided we’re incompatible after all.
He stares at me, dumbfounded. The satisfaction that comes from that reaction spreads through me like sweet poison and gives me unexpected strength to press on. I’ll put words up in his mouth and apprehend his excuses. I’ll show no weakness, no cracks, no pain. Iwon’tfeel any pain. I may be in love with Jace, but a few weeks without seeing him will cause my feelings to fade. Out of sight, out of mind. They say that for a reason. Am I disappointed? Of course, but more in myself than in him. I always knew who he is—an obsessed musician with fame as his only true love.
“Laurel—”
“It’s fine.” I take a seat on the bench in the shade of the pagoda and stretch out my feet on the cushions in front of me. The sun touches my sandal-clad toes, but that’s all it reaches. The protective ice around my heart is back. Jace chipped it away this summer, and I didn’t miss it, but I’m glad I know how to summon it again. It has its uses. “I always knew this would happen.”
Jace presses his fingers to his temples, strangely confused. “You knew I’d break up with you?”
I have to take a second to compose myself some more when I hear the confirmation of his intent, but I succeed. “We’re too different. We clash too much. Sooner or later, we were bound to fight without any chance of reconciliation. Really, you have perfect timing. Think about it. Ending things while we’re still on talking terms is a good idea. When we see each other in public, we won’t be all awkward. We can even try to be friends.”
“F-friends?” His eyebrows twist in the most charming way. “After everything we’ve been through, that’s what you want? To be…friends with me?”
“Come on, Jace. Don’t bethatguy.” I pat the space beside me. “We can still talk to each other after this.”
Jace takes the seat, close enough to have his thigh press against mine. That’s unfair. It reminds me of every time we’ve touched, of the kiss not ten minutes ago, of all the previous kisses— Shhh, my brain.
“ACD’s popularity has been in the gutter for months,” he says, “but after our date and the way the media latched onto us, every stat is on the rise—”
“That must be so frustrating.” I have no idea where my cheerful tone comes from. I may be pulling off the queen of breakups, but I’m far from okay. In fact, I’m far from anything. I feel quite dead inside. “You’ve been working so hard to establish your band, and you’re an amazing musician, but everyone notices that only because you’ve been spotted with a Halifax. If that ever happened to me, I’d be mad.” Everything always comes down to my name, to who I am. A legend’s daughter who either doesn’t give enough or, as is the case with Jace, who is too much. I’ve become a hindrance, a burden, an aid no one asked for. It’s the same old story with a new twist.
“So you’re okay with this?” Jace asks.
“Of course I am.” I place my hand on his shoulder, pretending he’s a slab of granite, not the warm, temperamental guy— No, no, no. A slab of granite!
“How can you be okay?” Jace cradles my face in his rough but tender hands.
Okay, now I’m a slab of granite. Granite doesn’t have mind-obliterating desires to grab Jace and cling to him until he changes his mind. Rocks don’t have any feelings at all.
I’m not a rock. No matter how hard I try, I can’t purge every trace of anguish from my blood. “Did you think I’d cry for you?”
Something indecipherable passes through Jace’s gaze. “No.” He lets go of me but doesn’t move otherwise. “Don’t ever cry because of me. You should never cry because of anyone.”
I manage a smile. “I thought you were different, and you are.” Sort of. “You came to break up with me in person. That’s very different from what I’m used to. Thank you.” How am I still breathing and speaking? My throat is so tight.
If Jace were a wolf, I’d say his hackles just rose. He growls, “Don’t thank me for something like that, Laurel. That’s messed up.”
Yes, it is. Everything about us is.
“You should be mad at me.” He sounds so disgusted with himself. “Don’t act like you’re fine. I’m not.”
I laugh, breaking down at last.
“Laurel!” Jace grabs my shoulders and stares at me, guilt darkening his eyes. Guilt, guilt, guilt. It’s eating him up.
“You’re too sweet. You really don’t need to feel so bad.” And he needs to let go of me before pure and total disaster strikes.
“I’m not feeling bad. I’m confused, okay? Are you seriously going to be fine with me walking away from us?”
Us.
