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Us?
He’s posing the question as if he wants me to stop him. As if. He’s covering all the exits for his squirming conscience.
“Us is over, and yes, I’m fine.” Not even remotely. My thoughts are latching onto all sorts of ideas—he doesn’t want to break up and I should ask him to stay. Not happening. I’ve been easy every step of my journey with Jace, but that ends now. Because that’s what he’s here for. He’s here for the end. “Why do you refuse to believe me? Have I ever lied to you?” Other than me claiming I’m fine.
His fingers uncurl from my shoulders, and when he stands up, I experience that tugging sensation of every string in my soul connecting to him, ripping pieces of me out as he steps away. Bit by bit, I crumble on the inside.
Forget my name and stay with me.
Can’t you sacrifice one little thing about your music for me?
Please?
Jace whirls toward me and drops beside me again, scooping me into his arms and branding my lips with the softest brush of a kiss. An apology and a goodbye seal. Still holding me, he looks me in the eye, icy regrets setting his gaze on fire.
I order myself to not look away. “I have to say, I’ll miss this,” I tease him. Anything, anything to keep my mind from jumping to conclusions.
“Then tell me to stay,” Jace rasps.
My mind shatters.
His hands tremble.
No. That can’t be. It must be me.
“Tell me to stay,” he repeats, pressing his forehead against mine.
“Don’t ruin it, Jace.” I trace the scar on his chin with my fingertip, senseless and overwhelmed enough to kiss him again.
Just once.
Maybe twice.
Okay, okay. I can kiss him a third time, but that’s it. I don’t need him if he’s changed his mind because he thinks him leaving will break me or that it’ll ruin his relationship with my dad or whatever.
I untangle myself from the fortress of his embrace and jump to my feet. “If Dad invites you over, don’t decline his invitation. He likes you a lot. You’re always welcome here.” I can’t believe myself. I really am the queen of breakups. Look how cool I am about this!
Jace stands and huffs out a heavy, resigned sigh. “I guess I’ll go, then?”
That couldn’t have sounded like a question. It wasn’t. I’m reluctant to let go of him, that’s all. Even if I asked him to stay and he did, I’m still a Halifax and he’s still Jace Blackmore who has to succeed all on his own.
“I’ll see you around.” I wave him goodbye and head back inside.
My head grows clearer with every step I place between us. The tightness in my chest lifts, and my skin stops pleading to feel Jace’s hands on me again. I walk into the house, close my eyes and breathe in and out, deeper and slower each time, certain that I’m not dying. That can only mean one thing. I wasn’t in love with him as much as I thought I was.
Track 31
For Real This Time
Jace
My feet skid over the smooth cobblestones as I run to my car. I do. If I look at Laurel one more time, I’ll crawl back to her on my knees. I can’t stay by her side. It’s not an option. If we’re together, I’ll be in yet another shadow. And Laurel may say she’s okay with being in the spotlight once more, but how can she be after so many years of secreting herself away? No one gets over their fears that quickly, and I won’t be the one to ruin her peace.
But even as their gate slides open, I keep my foot on the brake and clench the steering wheel so hard, my knuckles pop. Laurel’s frustrated voice from a while ago tinkles in my memories.
Dummy.
Dummy, dummy, dummy.
