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“I can,” I say.
Dad and Hal stare at me.
In my mind, chaos rages with abandon. A whole lot of me is freaking out. Go on tour again? Play for all to see? Have I lost my mind? But at the same time, yes. I’ve lost my mind. I want to get out of here. I want to feel the rush of a live performance again and again andagain. And I want to help Dad. Who can do it better than me? I know his music inside and out.
Dad shakes his head. “You’re not ready.”
“I will never be ready. Let’s just do it.”
He leaves the closet. “You need something smaller to ease back into show business.”
“You don’t have time to chase your remaining options.” I follow him. “Dad, let me do it. You know I can.”
He proceeds out of Uncle Soren’s room and down the hallway to his bedroom. “I appreciate your offer, but these shows are not a good venue for you to bounce back. It will be hectic. Lots of pressure. Almost every night is booked solid with private concerts and parties afterward. It’s everything you hate.”
Mom comes out of her bathroom dressed in workout clothes. “You two are in high spirits.”
“Dad won’t let me come on tour with you,” I complain like a grumpy teenager.
Mom does a double take at us.
Holy cow. Iamupset that he’s holding me back. A month ago I would’ve fainted at the idea of declaring that I am the legend’s daughter after all, but right now I want to go to battle. With myself, with my crippling resolve to hide what I can do, and with everyone who’s ever said I was a failure.
Jace was the only one who didn’t. My heart smarts in my chest. I will miss him more once I play music again. It will be unbearable.
“I want to do it,” I insist.
“Let her be a sub for now,” Hal says from behind me. “Keep looking for someone more permanent and take Laurel with you for these first couple weeks.”
Mom fans her face with her hand and slumps onto a bench in front of my parents’ bed. “I’m hallucinating.”
Dad laughs at her, then shakes his head at me again. “No.”
“Why?” I have been a coward, all right, but I still can hold my own with a guitar.
“Because you can’t do it.”
“Yes, I can.”
He comes to stand in front of me. “You can’t.”
“I can!” I shout, scared and…and…excited that I have a voice and passion and wholesome anger.
“It will be insane.”
“I know.”
“Youwillhate it.”
“At first, yes, but I’ll be ready this time.”
“You will have to play at a pro level. No excuses. No skipping. You would be my sub, there would be no one to cover for you should you have a breakdown. You’ll have to go on.” A smile starts creeping onto his mouth, and I realize that he’s not trying to talk me out of it. He’s making sure that I have no doubts about this.
I have all the doubts in the universe, but I will never let them control me again. “No excuses. But.But. I am doing this for me. Not for you, not for fame, not for anyone else. I need to know what I want as a musician, whether it’s writing songs, being support, or doing nothing at all in the end. So keep me out of the press as much as possible. This is your holiday tour, and my discovery tour. And I want to play with my dad while I still have him.”
Dad takes his sweet time to respond, eyes narrowed, but he does say, “Deal.”
“Then it’s a family party.” Hal drapes an arm around my shoulders.
