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Her head pounded. A delayed effect from the sobbing and the fatigue. She had no idea what time it was. Very late in the evening. It felt like the healer had been here for hours. He’d occasionally leave to get more clean cloth, water, medical devices she didn’t know the name of. It felt like an eternity.
Eli’s cell was mostly silent. Every so often, she heard a soft groan, but it died so quickly she thought she was imagining things.
Ali slumped to the ground and put her arms around her knees. She so desperately wanted to see him, to make sure he was okay. Logically, she knew this wasn’t her fault. But if she hadn’t been talking to Nik, then Eli never would’ve fought him. She was the one who had let Nik in. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to erase the image of him clapping.
Why would he do that?
She let her head fall back against the wall behind her and dug her nails into her skin. She reveled in the pain for a few moments before her muscles relaxed.
She must’ve dozed off because a hand on her shoulder startled her awake.
“You can see him now,” the healer said. His eyes had a friendly light to them, an encouraging glimmer. She didn’t feel worthy of his sympathy. He grabbed a bag of belongings and left down the hall, leaving her alone with Eli.
He was lying on his stomach, his back covered in some sort of ointment with fresh bandages. His head rested on top of his pillow, his hands tucked beneath it. The room smelled like blood and burned her nostrils, leaving her nauseous.
“Eli?” she whispered as she entered his cell. She wasn’t sure if he was sleeping.
A low grunt echoed through the air.
Hesitantly, she approached his bed. She didn’t know how to talk to him like this, especially when a part of her blamed herself for his situation.
She sat down slowly on the edge of the cot, trying not to jostle him. “Eli, I’m so sorry. Are…are you okay?”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized how absurd they sounded.
Of course he isn’t okay. Look at him. He’s never going to forgive you.
Eli looked at her with a blank expression. There was an emptiness there she’d never seen before. “No.”
She licked her lips. Her mouth was incredibly dry all of a sudden. The oxygen was sucked out of her lungs, and she couldn’t replenish it. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get you the help you need and you’ll heal just fine.”
There was a good chance she was assuring herself more than him. He didn’t look like he was buying it. The physical wounds would heal, but some wounds were invisible and harder to make whole.
“Ali, when are you going to understand? Nothing here is fine. Nothing here is okay. The only way you or I will ever heal is if we’re some place far away from this god-forsaken town.”
She sucked in a gasp of air, struggling to hold back tears, and reached for his cheek. But he pulled away, wincing as he strained his muscles and tender flesh. “I’m sorry, Eli. I don’t know what you want from me. I’m…I’m trying here. I’m trying to make the best of this situation.”
“The best of this situation? Ali, you went and made friends with the enemy. That’s hardly making the best of the situation. That’s just accepting defeat. I thought we would be in this together, but I’m completely on my own out here.”
Friends. He said it with such disgust. What would he say if he knew they were more than friends? Ali couldn’t admit that to him. She didn’t need to, though. As far as she was concerned, Nik was no longer in the picture. She would recommit to Eli and to helping him. To getting out of here. It would be how it was always supposed to be. Eli and Ali taking on the world together.
“You’re not alone. I’m here.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be.” He closed his eyes and missed Ali’s look of sadness. “I’m tired. I think it’s time for you to go.”
The finality in his tone struck her in the gut. Ali picked at the bloody skin around her fingernails, debating if she should argue with him. Debating if she should stay anyway. But the best thing for Eli would probably be to get some sleep, so she stood and walked to the door of the cell. “I really am sorry, Eli.”
She gently closed the door to his cell and stepped into the hall. She flinched when she caught a dark figure lurking out of sight. Of course there was a guard watching them. They would never be left alone in an unlocked cell.
The figure stepped into the light, and she broke into tears when she saw it was Nik. He was looking at her with such pity and remorse.
She couldn’t handle any more today. She was entirely spent. She had already decided she was done with him, but here he was. He wasn’t done with her.
Ali covered her face with her hands, and her body shuddered in despair.
Nik took a few steps forward and wrapped her up in his arms. He held her, not saying a word.
She hated it. Hated him. But she couldn’t step away. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him, but there was also no place she’d rather be. It was so confusing, and she couldn’t think about it right now. So she just wept in his arms while he soothed her.
