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One day, Jack would be her father-in-law. Perhaps she should get used to standing up to Jack alongside Eli, but today he could handle the difficult conversation on his own.
It was freezing outside. It would be a brutal day checking the fish traps. They;d been assigned this job many years ago when they were old enough to contribute to the community. In a few months, they’d get their winter break when the lake froze over. It was pure torture to work in the cold and wet, but someone had to do it. She made a mental note to throw on some extra layers before they went out today. She’d have to pull out the thick wool socks stuffed away in her bottom drawer.
She tried to open the front door of her house as quietly as possible, but it was pointless. As soon as the door cracked open, her mom was waiting for her, sitting at the table in the dining room. She hovered over a piece of tattered fabric with a sewing needle, attempting to patch yet another hole in one of her blouses. She didn’t even look up when Ali entered the house.
“You should at least tell me when you’re going to be out all night so I know where you are, Allison.” Her words were sharp, but Ali knew they came from a place of love. It didn’t matter that she was a grown adult. She still felt like she had to obey her mom’s wishes.
“Sorry, Mom. I meant to give you a heads up, but it got late and then I just forgot,” Ali said timidly, hoping her mom would forgive her.
“It’s okay. Sit, sit,” her mom insisted as she laid down her sewing kit. There was more toast on the table and a jug of juice.
“I can’t stay long. I need to change and get to work.” Ali tried to rush to her room.
Anna fussed before she could get far. “You have to eat something. Come sit with your mom. I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve caught up. I rarely see you anymore.”
“I already ate at Eli’s.” She went to step around her mom.
I love her, but she has terrible timing. Can’t she see I’m in a hurry?
“You spend a lot of time with Eli. Is there something you need to tell me?”
Ali knew her mom wouldn’t let her leave without having a conversation. She accepted defeat and took a seat at the small dining table and poured a glass of juice. “Do we really need to do this right now?”
“Is he the one, then?”
She let out a huff of air. “Mom, there is no one else. Who else would be ‘the one?’” She put up air quotes.
Anna looked down and contemplated for a moment. Her shoulders sank and her eyes drooped heavily. Ali had never seen her looking so fatigued.
“I don’t want you to settle, Allison. I always wanted more for you out of life…more than what I had.”
There was an uncomfortable energy in the air. They’d never talked about her parents’ relationship before. Not like this. Ali had assumed they were head over heels in love.
“Don’t get me wrong. I loved your father. He was a good man and cared for me, provided everything I could’ve asked for.” She gestured around the house. “But just like you, I had no other options. I sometimes wonder if I should’ve moved with you when you were younger, after your father died. Maybe you would’ve had more opportunities if we had found a larger town.”
Ali had never even thought of leaving Andus. She’d never considered the way life could’ve been in another town or even that there were other towns. It seemed naïve now, but she had always assumed this was the only way of life.
She crossed a leg over her knee. “Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you leave?”
Her mother sipped on her glass of juice, staring off into the distance like she was envisioning a different life. Ali wondered what she saw, what had brought on this conversation.
“I had no idea what else was out there. What if I left, hoping the grass was greener somewhere else, only to find a desert? I didn’t want to risk it. Now I’m afraid I risked your happiness instead.”
“I am happy.”
Anna looked at her with skepticism.
“I am,” she insisted. “You know Eli. He’s an amazing guy. I’d be lucky to marry him and have a family with him.”
Ali didn’t know if she was trying harder to convince her mom or herself. “I love him enough. Enough to make it work. It’s not worth beating yourself up over when it’s inevitable. We can’t change things now.”
Ali took her mother’s hand in her own. She hadn’t noticed how fragile and worn her mother had become. The winters always took a toll, the small house too frigid to protect the two of them. Even her hair had a frost to it. Her dark blonde hair had slowly turned white.
“What if we could? Would this still be enough for you?”
Ali shook her head. There was no point to this conversation. Her life was set in stone and it did no good to daydream about some other life meant for some other version of her. She knew her mom meant well, but she let out a frustrated sigh.
“I can’t do this right now. I’m late for work.” She grabbed a piece of toast and rushed to her room to change.
