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“Do you really think after keeping my father’s flat for all these years that I would be able to get rid of yours? You quickly became the sole purpose of my life. I thought you were the most beautiful woman, even with that big egg on your head,” he confesses, and hopeful eyes latch to mine, desperate to find a connection again.
“Royce has been your purpose, Cain. Your hatred for him was so unhealthy.”
“I know. I don’t regret going after him. If I hadn’t stood up to him, then he would have moved on to the next person and destroyed them. It ruled my life. It’s over now.”
I shrug, unsure what to say. It can’t be undone. None of it can, and that's the hardest part for me because I can’t forget this pain or the torment I’ve felt. At first, I would have given anything for him to come back, but the longer time went by, the more alone and lost I felt, and now I’m stuck in a void of fear. Too scared to hand myself over to him in the event that he decides to leave me again.
“Lauren, I—”
“I think you should go now, Cain.” I flick a look up at him, and his face goes lax. “As soon as I secure a new place, I'll remove my things from 43B.”
“You’re accusing me of allowing my fears to overshadow our relationship, and you're doing the same!” He stands, frustrated, stabbing his fingers through his hair in agitation. “I’d never hurt you again.Never,” he vows vehemently.
“You cut me off for three months, and after two days, you’re expecting me to pretend it never happened.”
“So, you're punishing me?” he demands, scowling down at me. “Lauren, leaving you wasn’t easy for me!”
I stand slowly and walk towards the back door overlooking the garden. “No, I'm not punishing you. I'm too tired to punish you, Cain,” I say wearily. “I just want to feel better.” I open the door for him and stand partially behind it to put more distance between us.
“Then come home with me!” Frustration bends his features into a scowl.
“I need some space,” I say slowly. “To think.”
“About us?” He searches my eyes and grits his teeth, no doubt to stop himself from snapping at me. I’m not purposely making this hard for him, but a lot has happened.
“I’m coming back tomorrow,” he declares, walking towards me. He cups my cheek and kisses me like he has the right to.
“Please don’t.” My voice catches, and Cain's jaw flexes. He ignores my plea and slants his mouth over mine again and holds me still, his lips moving softly, teasing, soft, and my own mouth moves against all sensibility. I find myself kissing him back. He chokes out a low huff and deepens the kiss. All the hurt and the pain subside, and I could cry with relief. There’s no grief, only love, and I allow myself to be absorbed in its beauty for a moment longer.
“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry, Lauren.”
I step away and avoid looking him in the eye. I’m not sure kissing him was a good idea—my thoughts are turbulent. My heart is rushing with too much blood.
“I give you my word, never again. I promise you, I won’t ever hurt you like that again,” Cain professes roughly. He dips to kiss me quickly before stepping back. “You look really beautiful, by the way.”
“I need time.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he imparts gently and steps out of the door, striding across the garden and out of view with a determined pace in his step. I sag against the counter and put my face in my hands as my emotions hit like a tidal wave.
“You okay?” Matt’s voice brings my head up, my lip wobbles, and he covers the short distance to sweep me into a hug. “I really hope you can learn to forgive him. We miss you.”
“I miss you guys, too.” I sniff as he drops a kiss on the top of my head.
“I know it hurts now, but just imagine how good it would feel if you came back. He loves you, Lauren, not just a little bit, but with all that he has. I’ve never seen him so low.”
I pull back and give him a watery smile. “I’m scared,” I admit feebly. “What about the next time something goes wrong?”
Matt leans against the counter. “I’m not going to say everything will be perfect. You might argue, and he might fuck up again. But not like this. Cain isn’t the type of man to make the same mistake twice. He panicked. He suffered a trauma. That doesn’t just go away when you meet someone. He can’t shut it off.”
“I know,” I say impatiently. Everyone around me is pushing me to forgive him, pushing his narrative, but no one seems to be fighting my corner, and it only acts to make my feelings seem inferior. “He really hurt me, Matt. I… I just don’t know that we can work. We’re so different.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re not. Strip the money away, the status, and deep down, to the bare roots, fundamentally, you are both very alike. Strong-willed and passionate. You both love hard and are career-minded. Your family means everything to you.” He grips my hands and squeezes gently. “Look what you did for James and how you protected your parents. Cain is no different.” He shrugs. “He’d do anything for you. And he did. Do you honestly think he found it easy to walk away from you? He was a mess. He drank himself stupid and lashed out at us all. He just wanted you safe.” Matteo’s eyes flare with distress. I step back and tuck my hair behind my ear. My mind is whirring into a chaotic storm. “Youarepunishing him for doing right by you,” he delivers calmly, and my head snaps up.
“It’s not right when it's this painful.”
“I know. None of us expected you to take it so hard. Ask yourself why, Lauren?” He picks up his bag, seemingly irritated with me. I shift from one foot to the other, uncomfortable. “You love him.” Exasperation quilts his voice. “And you're willing to throw it all away. Cain hurt you, but you’re continuing to cause damage. It wouldn’t be painful if you took him back,” he says bluntly, and I flinch. My mouth turns down, and he sighs. “I’m sorry. That was cruel.”
“It’s fine,” I whisper.
