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She spell-signedWhy?
He rested a hand on her knee again. “I’d like to be able to talk to you, without you always having to use the phone. If that’s something you’d like, too.”
Most people didn’t understand the level of effort it took, to communicate with a world who could speak, or hear. They didn’t seek to make it easier for someone who couldn’t, not because they were assholes, but because there was no reason to learn a different language when most of the people around you spoke yours.
But he liked the idea of being able to communicate in the easiest way for her. He wanted that intimacy, the message it sent to her. She told herself she shouldn’t be surprised. It came from that core of him, which was about serving a Mistress. Caring for her. He was in a position now to understand deeper ways to do that.
That he’d picked that up, had thought beyond his own challenges to think of hers… It moved her. So much that she was still staring at him and he was looking concerned, because she hadn’t responded. She broke out of the stupor and spelled out “ok.”
“Good. Thanks.” He sobered. “Do you ever get frustrated with it? I know that’s a stupid question—of course you do.”
She typed. “Yes. But I’ve realized that’s not a useful perspective. I focus on the things that end up working even better than if I could ‘talk’ like other people.”
At his curious look, she paused, thinking of how to word it. “Because you don’t focus on words coming out of my mouth, you pay much closer attention to what I want, from my body language and expressions. And you build on it. Like after I told you what I was thinking about doing to you on your bike, you attached your own fantasies to it. Made it more, with my nonverbal input and your imaginings. It doesn’t always work out that way, but when it does, it makes up for the times it doesn’t.”
As they gazed at one another a few minutes, his smile slipped away. He brushed her face with his knuckles.
“I’d like to make love to you in my bed. Would you like that, Mistress?”
She dipped her head. Spelled her response against his thigh.Y.E.S.But since that might take their relationship down the road to a fatal crash and burn, she typed a caveat on her screen.One day.
“Okay.” Disappointment was in his gaze, but he didn’t let it turn into a sulk. He was too good a sub for that. “Want to move to the picnic table and sit there, enjoy the closer view?”
She had no problem with the idea. As they left the bike, she started toward the water’s edge first, intending to peer into the lapping depths. Tiger clasped her hand, drawing her toward the picnic table. “Not a good idea. There are some pretty sizeable gators in these waters. People aren’t their preferred food, but unfortunately, too many idiots feed them, so they associate people with a food source. They might drag you into the water before they figure out you don’t have anything.”
A prudent warning. She took a seat next to him on the top of the picnic table, hip to hip, feet braced on the bench. It was nice to lean against him, her arm linked through his, with one set of hands clasped together.
He glanced toward the marsh. For a second, his dark blue eyes rested on a large white egret doing an elegant walk through the grass, the bird’s attention trained on the current as he looked for fish.
“Am I difficult to trust, Mistress?”
The question twisted in her. Tiger’s mind was still on her response about the making love thing. She didn’t want emotion to guide her, though her emphatic signing probably telegraphed her feelings. She translated the gestures on her phone.
“When I make you wait in session, why do I do that?”
He lifted a shoulder, the answer obvious enough not to be voiced, but he latched onto a different aspect of her response.“Yeah, that’s the problem, isn’t it? Being outside of a session with you.”
The words stung, but when she would have pulled back, he held onto her hand, refusing to let her have it. His alpha side showed in the act, his eyes steady on hers. “Shit. Wrong word choice. It’s not a problem. What I meant is that in a scene, you denying me doesn’t get tangled up with other assumptions, other shit happening. It’s harder to keep it clear out here.”
She settled down again, considered. Then typed. “In session, when you’re not sure, when it gets fuzzy, you use me for guidance. You don’t assume where I’m going with a question. You answer it.” She gave him a stare. “So, when I make you wait in session, what does it mean?”
His jaw flexed. “You’re expecting me to trust your timing, where you’re taking us. Where you want to go.”
He slid his gaze back to the water. She could see him digesting it, trying to accept it. She bit her lip. If she demanded that kind of honesty from him, he deserved the same. She touched his arm, bringing his attention back to her and the screen.
“Part of it is what you think. I’m protecting myself. The look of our relationship has changed because of an unexpected event in your life. It’s making our friendship evolve, but I want to be careful about thinking it’s more than it is. For either of us.”
The words were truthful, weren’t they? Yet from his expression, they didn’t sit well with him. They didn’t sit great with her either. But it underscored her point. He’d said himself he was at a crappy time of his life to take on a relationship. And she didn’t want to corner him into something he might not need when he clawed his way out of it. Ruining what they already had as Mistress and sub.
All of it made sense, even if it irritated her. Or both of them. He must have reached the same conclusion, because slowly, hegave her a nod and offered his hand again. When she took it, their fingers formed a knot on his braced knee.
He slid off the table, keeping that hold. “Let’s ride some more. I’m a big fan of finding out what’s waiting farther down the road.” He met her gaze. “Because the road and what it brings is endless. If we could just do that, the rest of the shit…I don’t think it could hold onto us the way it does.”
She knew what he meant. Even as she knew the benefits of staying still and seeing what came to her through patience.
Though that was also a great way to get left on the side of that road.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
