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“Alister,” she says, her voice so soft and broken. I stop at the foot of the bed, but do not turn to face her because I’m afraid of what I may see if I do. Perhaps, more so, I’m afraid of what she’ll see as my cheeks tighten and my eyes blur with budding tears. “No one has ever known me the way you do. I’ve never let them. After living like a ghost for twenty-eight years, you make me feel seen for the first time.”
She hesitates, allowing her words to invade my core and give life to the parts of me that burn for her. Only, as her words stoke the flames of love inside me, it isn’t a warmth they provide. Rather, a scalding pain so intense, there is no mistaking that my heart is breaking, both for her and because I can’t have her.
“I don’t know how to give that up when this is all over.”
As Ariana admits what I’ve feared ever since the night we met, a single tear drips down my cheek. That night I pushed her away because I was afraid of what this world would do to her and of where her search for the truth would lead her. Now, more than ever, my fears are cemented. She can’t be an FBI agentanda Mafia princess. She can’t remain safeandknow her father, assuming he’s still alive. And yet, as it stands, I’m her strongest foothold in this world of darkness. I’m the one she doesn’t want to lose. I’m the one she’s risked her life for her. I’m the one who’s put her in harm’s way. And, so, it is I who must break the bond between us, even if in doing so I break my own heart.
With resolve, I stand tall. “I don’t know either, but you have to.Wehave to.”
25
The flightback to New Orleans was quiet and not much has changed in the way of Ariana’s and my communication since we arrived back in the Crescent City yesterday evening. She stayed at her place last night, which is good and somehow excruciating all at once. The halls of Laroux House are empty without her sarcasm and dark without the light only her soul can provide. Yet, I know it’s for the best. If Gabriel Parisi proves to be the man we’ve both been searching for, this week may be my last with Ariana. And whatever is happening between us will finally end, for better and for worse.
Cassio loaned Gio and me a few of his men to accompany us to the Temptress, though I had him stay behind to protect Sophia in case things go sideways. Until I know the extent of Parisi’s plots against me, assuming he is guilty, I can’t trust my own soldiers. Who knows where their allegiance lies? Cassio’s men are in an unmarked SUV in the alley behind the club, waiting for my order to infiltrate. Ariana will meet us back at Laroux House after Gio and I have collected Parisi.
The night sky, tainted with the spoils of sin, is a suffocating dark haze hovering over us and the ancient buildings that make up the French Quarter. As Gio and I make our way down Bourbon Street, the neon signs of surrounding businesses reflect in the fresh rainwater covering the street, turning the beaten-up concrete into a colorful rainbow one might find in a children’s game. This street may be filled with players, but the games afoot are not for children nor the weak of heart. Drunken tourists and locals alike move past us, completely unaware of the thin line between their world and ours. A hypnotic blend of jazz and zydeco music pours out of the restaurants and bars, a perfect representation of the two worlds that exist here—the loud, obnoxious, and oblivious world of the innocent and the dark, melancholic, and tortured world of those who operate in the shadows.
Among the string of illuminated doorways, there is one that is lit by nothing more than the soft yellow glow of a French lantern. There is no sign advertising the debauchery that occurs just beyond the threshold. And yet, those who know, know. The Temptress finds its home in a three-story building that dates to the 1700s. On the top floor, New Orleans’ sleaziest elite gather to enjoy their sinful pleasures while overlooking the throngs of partiers thrust upon our streets from a place of silent superiority. Shrouded by a weathered facade not many would dare to enter, the Temptress provides an illusion of anonymity wealthy men and women crave. But, among them, is not where we’ll find Gabriel Parisi.
As Gio and I enter the club through the barely lit doorway, we are met with an even darker lobby. Instead of venturing up the wooden stairs to where our wealthiest patrons reside, we continue straight toward the door that leads to the main level club. The small, red neon sign hanging above the door is the only light within the small space. It casts a red glow upon Ariana’s skin as she waits for us, dressed in her classic all-black ensemble of jeans, tank top, and leather jacket. My muscles tense with anxiety and my heartbeat quickens in my chest. She isn’t supposed to be here.
“Took you long enough,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
“What the Hell are you doing here?” I ask, my voice low.
“Waiting for you. Isn’t it obvious?” Ariana cocks her brow as I shake my head at her quip.
“You can’t be here.” I take Ariana by the arm and drag her toward the exit.
“What the Hell is wrong with you? Let go of me!” Ariana struggles against my grasp, but my grip is unbreakable. “Alister, stop! You’re hurting me!”
As Ariana cries out, my jaw tightens in frustration. Still, I do as she asks. Once free of my grip, she adjusts her jacket as I stare blankly ahead at the door separating us from the street. That’s when I say, “If you think I’m hurting you, what do you think the men in there will do to you, if given the chance?” I turn to Ariana. Her features are mostly hidden by the darkness surrounding us. Yet, I still manage to register her defiance in the way she stands before me.
“I’m with you. I’m safe.” If only it were that simple.
“You being with me is what puts you in danger, Ariana.” I can’t keep the frustration from my voice. “After everything I’ve told you about my mom, my sister, after what almost happened at Josephine’s, how do you not get that? Why do you think I told you to meet us at the house? You can’t be seen with me by those who wish to harm me! I care about you too much!” When I finally admit what I swore I’d never say, I turn away from her and punch the nearest wall. “Fuck!” I shake my hand, the skin on my knuckles split open. My rage is met with the sting of reality, in more ways than one.
“You see how easy it is for you to lose your temper? That’s why I’m here, Alister. Because if Gabriel admits to being the man responsible for your sister’s death, I don’t trust you not to kill him before I get the answers I need.” Ariana quickly moves toward me and jabs her finger into my chest for emphasis. She has a point, but it still doesn’t negate the consequences of her being here.
“Alright, you two, maybe we should lower our voices or else we’ll blow the entire mission before we even make it through the door,” Gio says. At that, I take a deep breath and do as he says.
“I lose my temper when I have a reason to. Boston was one thing, Ariana. This is another entirely. As an Amato holding and hub for drug sales, this place is crawling with mafiosi. Under normal circumstances, the Temptress would be one of the safest places in the French Quarter for me and those I care for. But, tonight, it’s different. No one comes after a king without an army. Whoever is working against my family was smart enough to employ the help of the Irish mob, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have an army of their own—men who’ve pledged their loyalty to me now turned as spies. I can’t trust any of them, especially not with you.”
Now that I’ve finally shared my true feelings for Ariana, the ember inside me that’s simmered ever since we first met explodes, and when it does, I’m relieved of the weight of my emotions and yet filled with a desperation all at once. I’m desperate both to protect her and to love her. Most of all, I’m desperate to be loved by her. Through the darkness between us, I try to discern her reaction. I know she cares for me. Maybe not in the same way I do her. But, in some way, she does. And yet, her self-control proves stronger than mine as she refuses to bend to my affection.
“I hear you. But you’re the one who told me I’d have to learn how to give you up. Now it’s time for you to take your own advice. If your care for me is what puts me at risk, then stop caring. If that’s too difficult for you, I’ll go in alone. No one has to know I’m with you.”
“Like Hell!” As Ariana tries to move away from me, I block her path to the club entrance. She sighs in frustration and lifts her eyes to mine. Now, closer to the door, I can see her better. In her eyes, I see the fierce, stubborn, independent woman I love. Yet, I also see fatigue and impatience. She’s tired. Tired of searching for the truth, of coming so close only to leave empty-handed. Maybe she’s even tired of me. It takes everything out of me to be in her presence and not be with her. Perhaps she’s plagued with the same emotions, at least a fraction of them.
I take a step back and stand tall, moving my eyes from her to anything but. I’ll never not care for her, but she’s right. I need to shove her from my mind long enough to collect Parisi so that we can both finally get the answers we need and end this, for better and for worse.
“Fine,” I mumble. Gio takes a step toward us, ready to hear my commands. “I’ll take the lead. Gio, you follow behind Ariana.” He nods. “I want you within arm’s reach at all times,” I say, pinning Ariana with a look of stern warning. She nods. I do the same, still not at ease with my decision to let her accompany us. Though, it’s not like I have much of a choice. “Are you ready?”
“I’ve been ready for eighteen years, Alister. The better question is, are you?” Ariana cocks her brow as she poses the question I know the answer to and yet can’t admit. Of course I’m not ready. Gabriel Parisi is my friend, at least, I thought he was. If he has betrayed me, I won’t just have to kill him, I’ll have to erase his entire family—Ariana’s family. Unlike when I went up against the brotherhood, this isn’t an execution I’m looking forward to doling out. Though, as thoughts of Cara return to me, my hesitation subsides. I may not like what happens next. I may not be ready to face the man who took everything from me. But face him, I will. I’ve lost a mother to betrayal, a sister to greed. If I don’t end this now, it will be my cowardliness and nothing more that destroys what’s left of my heart.
“Let’s go.”
* * *
