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“I love you so much,” I whisper. As I bring my lips to his, I taste myself in his kiss. Though, only for a moment. When Alister—finally—thrusts inside of me, I gasp. My lips lift from his. As I take him in, I see that’s exactly what he wanted. He wanted to feel my reaction to his body, from the tips of my curling toes to my plump, ripe lips. He smiles as my body opens for him, taking in every inch.
“All of my love is yours, Ariana. I will never touch another woman as I’ve touched you. I will never love another woman as I love you.”
“Never is a very long time,” I whisper.
“As long as forever, which is how long my heart will belong to you.” Alister’s words settle between us, and my lips quiver as, once again, my emotions threaten to escape. I meant what I said when I told Alister he wasn’t weak. If he loves me as much as he claims to, as much as I truly believe him to, then pretending otherwise must be next to impossible. And yet, he’s prepared to live a life doing just that. That takes a level of strength and resilience I fear I lack. “Now, lie back and let me love you.” I nod and do as he says.
Alister wraps his arm around me, pressing his palm into my back. He holds me in place as he thrusts into me. He gives me everything—every inch, every ounce. His length rips through me, tearing at my too-tight insides. The pain is a consequence of years of loneliness and abstinence. But soon enough, my body adjusts and wraps around him as if I’m made for him and him alone. His movements alternate from quick and hard to slow and gentle. In his own way, he makes love to me and fucks me all at once. And I savor every moment, even initiating a few positions of my own. I meet his loving touchandhis aggression, his stamina, his pace. We move as one in a way I never knew humans possible. That is, until exhaustion overcomes us both.
29
I dare not lookat the time nor let my eyes drift to the muted light pouring in through the windows on either side of the bed for fear the moment will shatter. Just let me lie here. If not forever, then at least for a little while longer. I rest my head on Alister’s well-groomed chest. It is damp with sweat as is mine, but I don’t care. Our skin melts together as if we are one. Even our breaths, which have yet to steady, release in sync with one another. Alister wraps his arm around my body, cradling me. I snuggle into him, draping my arm over his torso. We lie naked against one another with our bottoms covered by silk sheets. He caresses my hair and my back while I find solace in the steady beat of his heart and the warmth of his body. Yet, his touch is no longer enough to chase away the sadness the rising sun brings.
Unable to keep them inside any longer, fresh tears fall from my eyes, dripping down my warm cheeks onto Alister’s chest. As they do, Alister steadies his hand, resting it on the blankets surrounding us. Yet, he does not say a word. He need not ask why I cry, because he knows. Perhaps he feels as I do—heartbroken and at a loss. As I lift my heavy head to meet his gaze, I find I am right. His eyes are red with emotion, his cheeks tight and damp with tears of his own. At the sight of him, I break. The sounds of my heartbreak no doubt echo through Laroux House as I wrap myself around Alister’s body, refusing to let him go. He gives in to my touch, pulling me against him so tightly it hurts. And yet, the pain of his arms crushing my ribs is nothing compared to the pain in my chest. It feels as if someone has cut my heart from me. It burns. It stings. My insides are left raw and empty. I’ve felt this pain before. When my mother was killed before my eyes. When I was raped by the man meant to protect and provide for me. And yet, it has never felt quite like this.
“Please,” I whisper. “Please, don’t…” I can’t bring myself to say the words. Just the thought of him leaving brings on a new wave of tears and all the hoarse blubbering, snot pouring, and head aching that comes with them. As I shed my weight in tears, Alister still does not say anything. Yet, his grip doesn’t loosen nor do his tears cease to fall. I know he loves me. I know he does. I know this hurts him just as much as it hurts me. That’s why it’s so tragic. We love each other, but we’re both too hopeless for it to matter.
“You should…you should take a shower,” he says then. His voice is so hoarse he can barely get the words out.
“What?” I look to him, confused. “No.No!This isn’t happening. I’m not ready. I’m not ready for this to be over.” Alister nods. He presses his lips together in a flat line. Perhaps to keep from letting his own cries of agony out or maybe because he too isn’t ready.
“I’ll…I’ll join you.”
“What?”
“I’ll meet you in there. I just…need a minute.”
I can hear the pain in his voice as he speaks. He shifts in the bed beneath me, pushing himself up to rest his back against the headboard. His movements force me to prop myself up as well. I’m confused by him. What does a shower matter and why does heneed a minute? Nevertheless, I am too emotional and too desperate for another moment with him to care. Knowing that he has never lied to me before, I toss my legs over the side of the bed, stand, and make my way to the bathroom, passing by the mirror that holds a hundred memories. I’m not sure I’ll ever look at another mirror again without thinking of him, without thinking of us. In that, I find respite.
I open the wooden door to the bathroom and am met with a similar aesthetic as Alister’s bedroom—moody, masculine, and sophisticated. Dark navy blue walls and mahogany-stained wood cabinets anchor the space and are complemented by white marble countertops, brass fixtures, and slate gray tile floors that lead into a massive shower, the walls of which are adorned with even larger slate gray tiles. As I take in the space, my eyes flick to the ornate brass mirror hanging above the sink. In its reflection, I find Alister. He watches me from the bed. I’ve never seen him more broken. My lips quiver, yet I keep a third round of tears from spewing.
I remember speaking with Sophia. It was after she learned the truth of who I am, after I apologized for lying to her. She thanked me for saving her the night of the Halloween party, but not just because she was afraid of what those men would’ve done to her. She was afraid of what her death would do to Alister. She feared he wouldn’t survive the loss. I know Alister places his family above all else. His love for me is no comparison to his love for his sister. And yet, as I look at him, I wonder—will he survive this? Will I?
Determined not to make things any harder on him, I take a deep breath and suck down the rest of my cries as I maneuver around the bathroom. I turn on the water in the shower and pull out two towels from the vanity. Just as the water reaches the perfect warmth, Alister enters the room. He’s put on sweatpants, which strikes me as weird considering he’s coming to take a shower. Perhaps he was cold. At the sight of him, I cross my arms over my chest, taking note of my own nudity.
“Are you ready?” I ask.
He tries to offer me a smile but fails. Instead, his lips droop once more as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “As I’ll ever be,” he says then. I nod and take a step toward him. I’m thankful for this moment, however awkward it is. I wrap my arms around him and pull him in for a hug. It isn’t sexual or even romantic. Yet, it is filled with love—the kind of love that is so selfless it hurts. I want the best for him. I want him to be happy. I want him to find peace in his life, even if he can’t do that with me by his side. That’s how much I love him. That’s how much he loves me—enough to walk away, even when all either of us wants is to stay.
“I love you, Ariana Valentine. I always will. Never forget that.”
I smile, just when I started to believe I’d never smile again.
“I’ll never forget,” I whisper against his chest. Alister brings his hand to my hair for what will likely be the last time. He runs his fingers through the long, brown strands as he brings his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes, relishing these last few moments with him. Then—
“Ah!” I gasp. An unexpected pinch draws my attention to my shoulder, where Alister pulls a syringe from my flesh, the effects of which are nearly instant. I grab on to his arms as my legs go weak and my vision begins to blur.
“I’m sorry,” Alister whispers. As the weakness overcomes me, he lowers me to the ground where I rest my head on his lap. “I’m sorry,” he says once more. A cold tear drips from his eye onto my cheek as his face blurs to something unrecognizable. Its sharp prick against my numbing skin is the last thing I feel before the darkness consumes me.
* * *
My head isheavy as my sleep breaks. Slowly, I open my eyes, wiping away the residue of my slumber only to be met with a certain brightness that is familiar and yet unexpected. The white walls of my bedroom greet me rather than the black of Alister’s as does the pale comforter and the cream-colored sleeves of the sweater Alister discarded from my body just the night before. “No,” I whisper. I toss my blankets to the side and force myself out of bed as realization finally comes to me. My bedroom stands in stark contrast to Alister’s, which only makes my presence here sting that much more. Everything is the opposite of his. Everything is as it was before I ever knew Alister Amato. This room is a time machine, transporting me back to my old life, a life without Alister, a life without love. As if our goodbye wasn’t painful enough,this, this physical representation of our breakup, if you can even call it that, is the final blow I wasn’t prepared to take.
He drugged me. He… My stomach twists with the truth, and I move toward the French doors on the opposite side of the bed. I reach for the olive-green velvet curtains and pull them back with as much force as I can muster. As the bright light of day fills my room, warming my skin, I realizewhatAlister did isn’t as important aswhyhe did it. By now, Alister, Gio, and Cassio’s men will have made it to Vitale’s. For all I know, he’s already dead.No.Alister wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t. I deserve my time with Vitale just as much as he does. He knows that and yet he drugged me so that he could go alone. Perhaps he doesn’t want me to see what he plans to do to Vitale. Perhaps he thought he was protecting me. I shake my head as I sink to the floor, resting my back against the body of the French doors.
“I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.” As more tears threaten to fall, I find myself so exhausted I think I’d be content to just stay here, to give up any chance I may still have to confront the man who murdered my mother. I know he won’t live through the night. Alister will make it so. And, the truth is, I just…I don’t think I can stomach another goodbye. I don’t think I can bear to see Alister, to be in his presence, to be forced to walk away from him again. Maybe he did me a favor. Maybe I should thank him for forcing me out of his life, because I…I never would’ve left.
“I never would’ve left,” I whisper. As a roar of agony escapes me, I bring my hand to my chest as if it will help ease the pain. I lower myself to the floor and rest my head upon it, despite the fact that I can’t remember the last time I swept. I cry until there are no more tears inside me, though I still do not move. That is, until my eyes focus on the armoire in the corner. Taped to the back of it is the Polaroid of my mother, the one that told me Alister Amato would lead me to the man who stole everything from me. And he did. Only now, Christio Vitale has taken more from me than my mother. He has taken my heart, my love, my Alister. And Alister has taken my one chance at vengeance.
