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But there’s no point chasing after her when she turns her back on me and starts running toward the house. She pushes past her father and disappears inside. He watches me for a few minutes, the bloated silence and stillness of the night pushing in on me to the point I have to rub my temples with my fingertips to avoid the crushing pain.
Grant frowns, and then his chin jerks toward the rental car that’s parked in the driveway. The look in his eyes says it all. I’ve let him down. I’ve let his daughter down. He’s telling me to go. He’s disappointed in me. And I wish I could tell him that he’ll never be as disappointed in me, as I am in myself right now.
I fucked up. I fucked everything up.
Just like I always do.
Brinley
One week later...
Everything hurts. My heart hurts. My chest hurts. It actually feels like I’ve broken a rib, that kind of hurt.
Reed has phoned and messaged me non-stop over the past seven days. It’s been relentless, one after the other, so much so that I’ve thought about changing my number.
Reed: Please talk to me.
Reed: I miss you.
Reed: I never meant for this to happen.
Reed: What I feel for you is real. You have to believe me.
Reed: I want to know you’re ok. Can you at least give me that much?
Reed: Tell me when you’re ready to talk.
Reed: This is killing me. Talk to me, Tink.
Reed: I’ll wait as long as it takes.
Reed: Call me. Please.
Reed: This is fucking ridiculous. Call me so we can get this shit sorted out.
Reed: Sorry. Didn’t mean to swear at you. I just really miss you and I want to see you.
Reed: Can I come over?
That last one I actually answered with a firmNO. LEAVE ME ALONE. I NEED SOME SPACE. AND TIME.I write it all in shouty capitals, just to get my point across. And I’m guessing it worked, because I haven’t heard from him again since.
I know he’s leaving on tour this morning, so I made a point of staying away from my phone.
Just in case.
This whole situation is soul-destroying.
After that night I found him in the garden on the phone with Quinn, I stayed in Ohio three days longer than we’d originally planned, and then I’d flown home to an empty apartment and another broken heart.
I’m consistent if nothing else.
Reed had looked shattered when he drove away. But I didn’t let it sway me. I didn’t chase after him and beg him to stay. Why? Because I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to see his scars. I wanted him to know what it feels like to be walked away from and disposed of like trash.
That’s how I feel.Trashy.
He used me to his advantage. He took my body to places it had never been before, but I wish he’d never laid a hand on me. And that’s the saddest part of all. Because I really thought we had something special. I honestly felt myself falling in love with the guy. Real love. Not teenage love and silly hormones. But real, honest, genuine, don’t want to live without you kind of love.
But apparently, that was all just part of his plan.
