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Enough’s enough.
It’s time for me to truly be fearless.
What cana man do when he’s lost everything and has no idea how it happened so fast? Last month feels like a distant dream. My band was reuniting. My family was moving to Seattle. Ronni had decent news about the lawsuit. Things were great, so they were.
I couldfeelit.
Our lives were about to become settled. Under control.
I really thought Ronni and I could have it all.
It’s all over now. Bloody hell, I’m beginning to understand why my da started drinking after his accident. If he felt even an iota as helpless as I feel now? Drinking yourself into oblivion doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.
As for me, it’s not how I’ll handle things. I’d never do that to Tristan or Torin. Never. Not after what I went through. The best I can do is set their mother free, so she can distance herself from me. I still have no idea how it’s me in those videos, but I’m also not stupid enough to try to deny it.
I’ve seen the headlines. There’s no way to get away from the news coverage of this debacle. Whining about how clone meisn’tme will make me look even more like an eejit.
And no one will believe you anyway.
I know with certainty Ineverfucked that woman. Ineverlet her suck my cock. I do not cheat. I never have. Never will. I physically get ill thinking of being with anyone but Mae.
I. Am. Not. A.Cheater.
Doesn’t feckin’ matter. Everyone in the whole world believes it’s who I am now. I’m just another bollocks in a long line of bollockses who broke Ronni Miller’s heart. I’m forever a cheater. Ronni believes it. She never even gave me a chance to talk it through. Sure, she’s here now—to what end, though? How she spoke to me was cold. Unfeeling. I could tell how much she hated me.
It's devastating. My sons will grow up hating me. Not knowing who I am and what I stand for. They’ll believe I wronged their mother somehow.
I. Am. Not. A.Cheater.
I. Am.Not.A.Cheater.
I. AM. NOT. A. FECKIN’ CHEATER!
With nowhere to go, I chartered a jet to Belfast. I’ve ignored every attempt by my family and band members to get a hold of me. I cannot face them. Maybe never again. I might just stay here forever.
Truth be told, I’m angry. Really feckin’ angry. The irony of this situation is not lost on me. I loved and supported Ronni for years even when she was still manipulating the media to convince the world she was in love with men who weren’t me—including Ty. Her entire public persona was based upon carefully cultivated lies. And I’m the bollocks who put up with it.
I was complicit. For feck’s sake, if I had brains I’d be dangerous.
So, here we are.
I finish putting together the furniture in the playroom. Tromp downstairs and across the yard back to the main house. It’s dark, just the way I left it. Hopefully, Ronni went back home to the boys. Saoirse is away in Cork for a wedding, so my plan is to try to relax. Watch mindless television.
I’m just putting the kettle on for tea when her voice startles me. “Connor.”
I still for a minute to calm myself, then resume making my tea. “I thought you’d left.”
“Can we talk?” Ronni walks up behind me, places her hand at the small of my back. She peers up at me. “I came at you all wrong up in the playroom.”
I sigh. Shake my head. “Haven’t we said all that needs saying? You kicked me out. I left. We can’t come back from this.”
“You weren’t with Yolanda.” She says this as though it’s the truth. Definitively.
I look her dead in the eye. “No. Of course I wasn’t.”
Her body crumples with relief. She folds her arms around her middle. “I’m so sorry I reacted the way I did. Can you ever forgive me?”
I’m so shocked, all I can do is stare at her, dumbfounded.
