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Julia’s brow knit with concern. “Does it hurt?” she asked in a soft voice.
“Not so much now.”
She nodded toward his hand, which was wrapped up tightly, hiding the ghastly wounds from her sight. “What happened to your hand?”
A memory surfaced in his mind. One day, just a few months before Oliver had left for sea, he and Julia had sneaked out of their houses together unchaperoned, though it was improper to do so alone once Julia was out in society. They hadn’t cared. They had gone to their favorite bridge near the edge of Larkhall’s property. They often sat with their feet hanging just above the stream, throwing pebbles into the water. There had been no point to it, aside from spending time together.In October, the woods were cold, and the water colder. After throwing a handful of wet pebbles into the stream, Julia had complained of cold fingers. Oliver hadn’t thought of the consequences of warming her hand in his. He had touched her hand many times before, briefly, accidentally, but he had never held it. Sitting on the bridge, he held her hand for several minutes, even after it was warm again. The smile she had given him in that moment was one he could never forget. He remembered looking down at their entwined fingers and commenting about how small hers were in comparison to his. The top of her fingertips barely reached the base of his top knuckle.
But now two fingers were missing on that hand—his left hand—the one that Julia had held that day by the stream.
It took him a moment to remember that Julia had asked him a question. She was likely imagining all kinds of ghastly injuries hidden beneath the wrappings. “My hand was hit by a musket fire and I lost two fingers,” he said. “My other injuries were caused by glass and wood fragments from the cannonballs that struck our ship.” He didn’t want to look at Julia’s reaction. His embarrassment had come not only from the fact that he was missing fingers, but that he had come home injured and not victorious.
“I’m sorry you went through such a horrible experience.” Julia’s voice was heavy. “But I am glad to see you again and that you are alive. I am certain Rupert feels the same.”
Oliver nodded, offering a small smile. “Thank you for looking after him while I was away.”
“Well, he was once mine, after all.” She met his smile with one of her own. Hers was shy and a little mischievous. “Do you remember how he came into your possession all those years ago?”
Oliver had never forgotten it. His smile grew. “I am surprised you are not too embarrassed to remind me.”
Even as he said it, her cheeks darkened. “Well, I am not expecting you to take that marriage agreement seriously. It was obviously never valid. As a child I believed it was, but we both know it isn’t.” She laughed awkwardly, looking down at her feet.
Oliver shifted in his seat. “Of course not.”
“I would never hold you to it, even though I am turning twenty-one this month.”She kept her gaze fixed on her boots.
On Christmas day. Oliver had always celebrated Julia’s birthday with her, sneaking away from his family’s Christmas festivities in order to see her.
He studied her unreadable expression as she avoided his gaze. Even if the bargain they made as children was valid, and that letter he had signed had bound him to her, Julia wouldn’t want to marry him now. He had failed in his career. He was now deformed, and without the sort of large income that Lord Belper or many other eligible men could give her.
“As you said, it isn’t valid.” He shrugged, trying to maintain his smile. “But it is an amusing memory all the same.” His heart fell when she gave an abrupt nod.
“Yes. How silly we both were.” She stood with a weak smile, brushing a few droplets of water from her cloak from where the snow had melted. “Well, I should be going now. Do not be surprised if I return soon to visit Rupert.” Why wouldn’t she look at him? Had he said something wrong?
Oliver stood, crossing his arms. Her words,to visit Rupert, rang in his ears. She wouldn’t be coming to visit him, just the dog. He pushed the vexation from his mind. “Julia—do not walk home. I will have a carriage prepared.”
She paused, considering the idea for a long moment. “Very well. That is very kind, thank you.”
Oliver’s mood was horribly somber as he left the drawing room with Rupert at his heels. He tensed his jaw, surprised by how much pain enveloped him. Even if Julia didn’t want to marry him, he needed to stop her from marrying a man she didn’t love. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being unhappy.
Her birthday was approaching, and if he was going to treat it as any other birthday of hers, he would need to give her a gift. This year, rather than a traditional gift, he would give her something much more helpful and lasting. Determination rose in his chest as he limped his way to the courtyard. This year, as his gift to Julia, he would do all he could to save her from a marriage to Lord Belper.It wasn’t for his own benefit. No, his reasons were entirely selfless. It was a birthday gift, nothing more.
One he would happily give.
CHAPTER4
Julia stirred her soup rather than eating it that night at dinner. She stared at the candles flickering at the center of the table, ignoring her mother’s voice for the second time.
“Julia?” Mama said in a clipped tone. “Why are you so distracted this evening?”
Julia looked up from the candles, swallowing the emotion that had been rising up in her throat all day. “I am not distracted.” Her voice was too defensive.
Mama exchanged a glance with Elise and Jane, her two younger daughters, before taking another bite of her soup in silence. She dabbed at her lips with a serviette. “You cannot fool me, my dear.” A furrow marked her brow. “Are you thinking of Mr. Northcott and his injuries?”
Julia shook her head as quickly as she could. “No. I miss Rupert, that is all.”
“I see.” Mama’s lips pressed together in a frown. “You knew the dog was only yours temporarily. You should not have allowed yourself to grow so attached to him.”
He was not the only one she had allowed herself to grow too attached to. Her heart stung as she thought of the curt tone with which Oliver had agreed that their old contract was entirely invalid. Of course it was, but she had hoped he might still consider it. It didn’t matter that it was invalid if hewantedit to be valid. But instead, he seemed to think the idea ridiculous. She was nothing more than a friend to him, just as she had always been.Thatwas why she was distracted, but she could never tell Mama.
