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It would just be one more strike against me, and I didn’t need to turn her anymore against me than she already was and us getting kicked off a flight—if I wasn’t sure she was ever going to speak to me again now, that would take any reasonable chance completely away.
I ordered a whiskey from the flight attendant and leaned my seat back a little. If I was going to be miserable, I might as well have some small pleasure in it.
I scanned through my tablet, but nothing interested me. I kept glancing at the woman next to me, the woman I’d been in love with for five years, watching the small rise and fall of her chest letting me know she was actually asleep. I could tell she’d probably slept as well as I had last night. I’d kept tossing and turning, punching the pillows and wanting to get up and go to her, but something held me back.
By the time we were ready to disembark at home, I had a feeling she was never going to look at me, let alone speak to me again. She’d yanked her carry-on out of my hands when I’d taken it down for her and literally hauled ass to get off the plane before me.
I walked towards baggage claim after we’d cleared customs. She was standing there, arms folded in front of her, her cell phone in hand.
I stopped a few feet away, knowing to give Abbie her space. “I don’t suppose you want to ride back together? I have the car booked.”
“No, thank you.” Her tone was clipped. “I’ve already made arrangements.”
I wondered what those were. It wasn’t exactly a short drive back to her place. I was about to offer her the car I booked and find my own way back to my apartment, but I had a feeling she’d just say no anyways. And I didn’t want to get into a fight at the airport. I was completely in a no-win situation.
“Okay.” I saw my suitcase making its way towards me, stepped forward, and took it off when it was time. “Then I guess I’ll...” I searched for the right words. There were a thousand different things to say, but none of them were going to spill out. I stood there for a beat longer, trying to see some sign from her, something, anything, to give me hope. “I’ll see you. Happy New Year.”
She made a noise that I couldn’t decipher, and I turned to go, but looked at her one last time.
Abs, I wanted to say.
I took a step away.
“Abs...” I said suddenly, looking at her.
She barely glanced my way, her entire body rigid, her body language clearly telling me to stay away.
I love you.
The word were right there on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t bring them out no matter how hard I tried.
My shoulders sagged in defeat.
“I’m sorry…” I said softly, not sure she’d even hear me above the noise in the airport.
My phone beeped—the text from the driver telling me he’d arrived and was waiting.
Her eyes had been puffy. She’d done her best to hide the dark circles that told of her sleepless night with more make-up than she ever tended to wear.
We’d imploded, and I didn’t know how to fix it. The words were out there. I’d wanted to… I’d stood in front of her bedroom door for almost an hour, trying to find the nerve to knock, to find the words that would make this right.
But I couldn’t wipe her memory, which was the only thing I could think of that would make any of this go away. That hurt I’d seen in her eyes. I’d just wanted to challenge her, to get her to see what was truly out there for her. She didn’t need to hide away in the diner for the rest of her life…
28
Abbie
The airport was the worst. I knew he was wanting to say more, but I also knew the moment he did, I was going to start ugly crying, and I wasn’t into starting a scene that no doubt would go viral by someone filming it with their phone.
No, thank you, I’d prefer to keep my heartbreak to myself.
Too many people around. Too many people with a cell phone at the ready, all set to live-stream our drama.
I’d called Marnie from the lounge after he’d left, trying to figure out how to get home with my bags. She’d sent Jimmy in their truck when I said I could just Uber it home. Jimmy had winter tires, she’d said.
She could clearly tell something was off. Even I could hear how hard I was trying not to cry. I kept digging my fingernails into my palm to keep from breaking out in sobs.
Jimmy showed up an hour later with a big hug and food waiting in the passenger seat for me. We’d loaded my bags into the back of the truck, put the cover down, and headed home down the snow-covered roads, huge mounds of snow in the ditches as we sped away from the airport.
