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So incredibly stupid.
I went back to the folder, finding the movie icons and clicking on one, closing my eyes. In a moment, his voice was echoing through my small apartment from my speakers.
Now I know what a fool I’d been…
***
I’d taken on an extra shift at Jimmy’s even though Marnie had told me they were good. I didn’t want to be at home in my little apartment. I’d been counting the days down on my calendar of when he was likely moving.
If I’d had enough nerve, I would have driven by his apartment.
But that wasn’t me.
I was trying to keep my world spinning on its same axis, but it wasn’t happening.
Nothing felt right anymore.
Even Marnie looked concerned every time she saw me. I was using more make-up than I’d used in my life to try and take down the circles and puffiness under my eyes.
Who knew losing your best friend and the man you loved would do this to you...?
Every break-up I’d had in my life combined wouldn’t have been this painful.
I’d cried myself to sleep more in the last few weeks than I ever had in my entire life.
But the time had come to do something. What, though? I had no idea. Or I did…but didn’t want to look it in the face yet.
I was halfway through my shift, working on cleaning the counter, when the chime went by the door, and I glanced up to see my favorite professor standing there. She smiled as she saw me behind the counter and made her way over to me after stomping the snow off her boots.
“Usual?” I asked her as she neared.
She nodded. “You look a little better. Christmas away must have agreed with you.”
My stomach flip-flopped at the words. My make-up skills must have been improving since I came home. I was starting to accept that my eyes were going to be permanently puffy and those dark circles were going to be there to stay.
“Yes and no.” I poured a large mug of coffee then set it in front of her, before going to get a plate to cut her a slice of the key lime pie on the counter.
I looked around the diner. We were definitely in a lull between the lunch and dinner crowds.
“I’ve been thinking...” I started when heading back towards her.
“Good.” She smiled as I put the pie in front of her with a fork and napkin. “The semester’s starting soon. We can always use another instructor around, someone to help hands-on. There’s lots you can do in the department.”
“That’s a great offer, but...” I trailed off, working up my courage. I hadn’t voiced the thoughts to anyone. I hadn’t even spoken them out loud to myself. They were just...there... I cleared my throat, leaning on the counter. “I’d like to find something somewhere else.”
“Local? If teaching isn’t your thing…”
“I don’t know that it is. I like being behind the camera more than talking about it or anything else.”
She nodded, taking a forkful of her pie and chewing thoughtfully for a moment. “Okay, so what are you looking for and where?”
“California. Maybe Los Angeles? Or somewhere around there.”
“There are a lot of options there for sure, but why?”
“Long story.”
“I’ve got all the time in the world. I finished organizing my office this morning.”
