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And Lucas… Lucas hadn’t even noticed?
I groaned, slamming my bedroom door the second I stepped foot in my room for good measure. It echoed through the space, but it didn’t make me feel totally better. I stood in the middle of my dark bedroom, my heart pounding in my chest. I was grateful I didn’t have one of those watches on that kept track of heartrate—I was sure I was nearing danger levels.
I just…
I didn’t know what I wanted.
Okay, that was a total lie.
I knew exactly what I wanted.
Lucas.
I wanted…
I wanted to just figure this out.
And I couldn’t…
There was no way for this vacation to work with Dominique still hanging around us. It was getting harder to push my feelings aside or even think about pushing them aside.
I stood there for a moment, trying to regain my composure that I’d lost at the restaurant and which still hadn’t returned. I could see the trees outside swaying slightly in the evening breeze through the gauze curtains on the balcony doors. Maybe air would help me…but not until I was alone.
I pushed away from the door, sure I’d heard movement downstairs. I didn’t want him to hear me up and around in my room. He’d want to talk. I knew him. And I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want him trying to figure out what was going on, when I didn’t know for sure either.
Just suddenly, that being so close to him in the same house, hours together every day, had brought the feelings I’d been pushing aside so long bubbling to the surface and they were refusing to be ignored any longer.
Add that to my sudden complete inadequateness…it was an epic disaster in the making.
I tossed my purse on the bed and tiptoed into the bathroom, peeling my clothes off as I went.
I turned the flashlight on my phone on, then turned the water tap on low, washing my hands by the bright glow of the phone. I scrubbed my face free of the make-up I’d spent so long trying to perfect and glanced up at my ghastly reflection thanks to the overly bright glow from my phone.
I definitely wasn’t in Dominique’s league.
The thought instantly deflated me.
Way to mess things up, Abs.
If he was interested inthat, he could have her.
Except…I was stuck in that wonderful spot of having feelings, real, undeniable feelings for my best friend.
My stupid, unattainable, unreliable best friend.
I stood there in my underwear, the trail of clothes behind me into my bedroom.
Frustration surged as tears welled up in my eyes before I hastily brushed them away.
I could text Marnie…but I didn’t want to dump on her with my problems. What could I do to fix this? I didn’t know, and I doubted she would, either.
I was on my own.
All I knew was I needed to do something to get rid of this energy or I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink all night. Sitting on the balcony all night alone didn’t seem like that great an option either the more I thought about it.
And slipping downstairs to grab a bottle of wine to get myself through ’til morning posed the risk of running straight into Lucas.
None of which I wanted.
