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I nod, reaching for my spoon. Connor appears in the doorway, rolling a chair to the bed. I pick up my spoon and scoop up some Jell-O, hating the way it jiggles as I bring it to my mouth. It reminds me of the Jell-O from the basement, and I feel nauseous when I think of it.
“Going to take your brother for a stroll today?” the nurse aide asks, her bright white teeth peeking between her lips.
“Yup. Hopefully right after he eats if y'all don't need him for anything.”
“We shouldn't. Getting to move around a little will be good for him. I'll go ahead and bring him his meds and unhook his IV so he can be good to go when he finishes his tray.”
“Sounds great,” Connor says, a little too friendly. I can't believe the asshole is flirting with my nurse aide. The guy can't at least put it away when at the hospital visiting his brother who just escaped a hostage situation?
The woman, who says her name is Lacey, leaves the room and my brother scoots a chair closer to me. It scrapes the bottom of the floor when he plops down in it.
“Do you need any help? Should I be feeding you?'
I scoff, taking a sip of my juice. “I'm not a fucking baby.”
He lifts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I was just asking.”
“Yeah, all the wrong questions.”
“You know the cops want to talk to you soon.”
“What about?”
“Everything that happened in that house. What you saw while you were there. You should know how it goes by now.”
I do, and I finally understand exactly why people try to avoid meeting with us. I didn't truly get it before. I was unable to fully sympathize. It's not so much me I'll have issues talking about, more like everything they did to Ignacio. My stomach shifts. I know if I say it out loud again, it'll be like witnessing it all over.
I eat as much as I can, not able to fully stomach the beef broth. Never been a fan, but I was so fucking hungry, I was eating everything whether I enjoyed it or not, even the half-melted popsicle.
“Can we go now?” I ask, shoving the table away.
“Let me pop in next door and check. Even if he is sleeping, I'll still take you to see him.”
“Don't worry, I don't want to wake him if he is.” I only want to see with my own eyes that he’s breathing.
“I know.” He makes his way into the hallway and comes back a few minutes later, his shoulders slumping. “He's still out of it, and they said last time he woke up he was moaning in pain.”
“Can you roll me in front of his door and then after I see him, we can go wherever you want?”
“Yeah, of course.”
He helps me into the chair, adjusting my gown, and pushes me to Ignacio's room. Parking me in front of the door, he opens it slowly and doesn't stop until I'm able to fully take in Ignacio's bed. He's lying down on his side with his eyes closed, wires going everywhere, his chest steadily rising and falling.
“Satisfied?”
No. Not until his eyes open and he smiles at me the way he used to. I need his laughter, his jokes, and him dancing in the kitchen to his own singing. For him to be Iggy again. The guy I used to drink coffee with in the mornings and constantly argued with until he got his way. Will I ever see him again?
Ignacio shifts in his sleep, his nose wiggles, and his lids twitch.
I resist the urge to move closer and touch him. “Yeah. We can go now.”
A hand rests on my shoulder and my brother releases a rushed breath. “He'll be awake soon enough and then we can come back.”
I nod, not saying anything as he pushes me out of the way and closes the door. We walk down to the end of the hall and then go the opposite way. I turn down his offer to take me outside and ask to go back to my room when I struggle to hold my head up.
Exhaustion takes over me and I close my eyes all the way to my room. Connor helps me into bed and I shove him away when he tries to fix my covers.
“I got it. You can go now and report back to Mom about me being okay.”
