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Fuck. I fell asleep in the bathroom again. How many times is this going to happen? When will the nightmares stop coming for me and how long will it be before they return again?
I turn off the water, my knees aching and head throbbing. I swipe my fingers over my brow and flinch at the sight of blood.
Knock, knock.
I open the shower door, gripping onto the wall, struggling to stand up straight.
“You okay in there? I came to get my keys from your jacket and heard a loud crash.”
“I'm fine. Slipped reaching for the soap.”
He sighs, not sounding convinced. “Alright, well, I'm heading out. You need anything before I go?”
“Nope. Have fun on your date.”
“I feel bad leaving you alone so close to Christmas.”
“It's okay.” I wrap a large towel around me, glancing at the damage in the mirror. “I'm going out myself.”
“Really? Alone?”
Huffing out a breath, I wipe off my bleeding face with some tissues. “Have the rules changed that much since I've been gone? Are people not allowed to go out on their own anymore?”
He makes a sound with his throat and I can almost hear his eyes rolling. “Have a nice night, asshole, and don't go on any killing sprees while I'm gone.”
I laugh, tossing the tissues in the trash. By the time I open the door he's gone. I dress in a pair of jeans and white sweater. My jacket is thrown on the bed where I left it and my Vans are by the door, wet from the melted snow.
My phone goes off as I’m slipping on my shoes, and it stops vibrating for a few seconds before shaking against the nightstand again. I toss it down as soon as I glance at the screen. It's my boss, Lennon probably only calling me to assure he saves his own ass. He has to at least punish me a little for going on a call on my own with zero backup while I was supposed to be on leave.
He should know better than anyone about not always following the rules. Fucking snake. I wasn't sure if they were lies or not or if it was my captor’s way of turning me against everyone I know, but the more I think about how many times my boss tried to hide shit and quickly ended calls on a separate work phone the minute I came too close, the more I start to believe the enemy.
As soon as I reach my car, the windshield is already partly covered in snow. It's still fluffy and light enough to be quickly wiped away by the windshield wipers. It's not supposed to get super heavy tonight, so it shouldn't be a problem driving back here later.
Wanting to drown out any unwelcome thoughts, I turn on the radio loud enough I can't hear myself think. Too bad I can't spend every moment with music blasting in my ears. I might be able to get some peace if I did. Is there some way to blur the images too?
My attention is caught by a large bright, flashing sign. The parking lots are full and I recognize what it is the closer I get. It's a bar my brother would sometimes try to drag me to. I preferred to drink at home before. Now I can't be by myself for more than ten minutes without the walls closing in.
Parking between two cars, I get out and rush toward the front of the bar. The door opens before I can reach for it and a woman smiles my way, tossing her hair off her shoulder as her friend drags her to the parking lot. “Too bad he didn't show up sooner,” she says a little too loudly.
“Don't worry. The ones who are that good looking, are usually too much trouble anyway,” her friend says, stumbling on her heels.
I scoff, walking inside, and the warm air circulates around me, along with the smell of beer. Plopping down on the first stool I reach, I order four shots, ready to block out all the hollowness and dread I’m struggling to shake on my own. I plan to stay here until I feel absolutely nothing.
“I've never seen you here before.” A woman with red hair and green eyes takes the seat next to me. “I'd know if I had.”
Smiling, I turn to face her. A woman like her is usually exactly my type but for some reason I can't get my body to be fully invested. She's gorgeous and clearly interested in me. So why don't I want her?
“I take it you're a regular?”
Her soft fingers caress my arm, and the heat of her breath scatters along my cheek as she leans in. “I bartend here but got off shift ten minutes ago. What brings you in and are you planning to drink all those yourself?” Her eyes fall to the shots the bartender sets in front of me.
“I was thinking about it but I guess I can share.” I scoot one her way. She laughs and her hand travels under my shirt. I flinch, my gut twisting. It's been so long since I've been touched by a woman. I was sure I missed it until now. Something about this moment is off and all wrong.
I toss back the other three shots as she brings her glass to her red painted lips. A slight burn hits my throat and so does the buzz I thought I was searching for. I'm less numb than before and her touches sting my skin. Everything is too loud and suddenly I'm suffocating.
“What's wrong, handsome?”
“Nothing…excuse me but I gotta go to the bathroom.” I set down enough money to cover everything on the bar, along with a small tip, before rushing to the back, my hands shaking.Get a fucking grip, Ev.I take a deep breath and walk into the restroom to splash water on my face.
