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It's the last time I'll ever be this close to her. All because I came back. I should have stayed away but like my dad, I only thought about myself.
Now I'm all I have.
All I'll ever have.
I breathe her in one more time, my heart feeling like it's been ripped open with a knife. The pieces are too severed; they can never be put back together.
With nothing left to lose and a large empty space in my chest, all I can think about is breaking open my uncle's and removing everything that keeps him breathing.
Seventeen
Everett
“Are you even listening to me?” my mom asks, going through my brother's kitchen and occasionally shaking her head at the food choices.
“Yes.” Kind of. My mind is still mostly on this morning. Iggy never leaves my mind, constantly fighting to take over every part of me.
“Good. We'll go shopping today then.”
I sit up straighter in my chair, laying a hand on the table. “Wait, for what?”
“For groceries of course.” She sucks in a sharp breath, tossing her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. “I thought you said you were listening. Clearly you weren't.” She opens a few more cabinets and my attention goes to my vibrating phone on the table.
Little Dove:Did you know?
Me: About?
Little Dove:My uncle's vendetta?
Me: I don't think we should talk about this here. It's not safe.
Little Dove: Nothing is. None of it fucking matters anymore. There is nothing left for them to take from me.
Me: Where are you?
Little Dove:In your bedroom.
My eyes widen and I stand up so quickly, the chair pushes backward.
“What is it, honey?” my mom asks, her big blue eyes round in confusion. “Did something happen at work?”
I shake my head, shoving my phone in my pocket. “No. I was uh… falling asleep while sitting again. It happens a lot lately from all the lack of sleep.”
She frowns, walking toward me. “Your brother told me about your nightmares.”
I fumble with my shirt, looking everywhere but at her sympathetic eyes. I can't ever go back to being my old self if everyone keeps treating me like I'm someone else. A person who is helpless, fragile, and needs to be handled with care. I was never known to be any of these things before. Even on my bad days, I was too prideful to let anyone so much as see me sulk.
“Evan?”
Snapping out of my thoughts, I clear my throat. “They um…actually aren't too bad anymore,” I lie. “I'm feeling tired. I think I'll lie down.”
She nods, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder. “Okay, sweetheart. Get some rest and if you need me to stay, I can.”
I stay where I am instead of pulling away like the gnawing in my stomach tells me to. The old Evan wouldn't have been bothered by his own family's touch and he wouldn't have been so lost in his head all the time either, or have trouble not thinking about the man he once called his stepson laying on top of him naked.
It'll pass. Over time, neither of us will feel like we need it anymore. The sooner I get him to leave my room, the easier it will be for me to continue staying away and forgetting everything we had in the basement cellar, along with the inappropriate moments we shared afterward.
Forcing a smile on my lips, I lean over and hug my mom, feeling completely detached from my body. My body is performing the action but my mind is not fully following. “Thanks, Mom. I'll be okay alone for a few hours. Connor won't be gone for too much longer. I'll call you later, I promise.”
