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“But . . .” But he had plans. Big ones, to surprise Helen with. Plans he couldn’t see through if he was in the hospital for the next week and then on restrictions for the few following that.
“I believe this is the best course, Mr. Murphy.” Dr. Agate stood. “I’ll give you a few moments to process.”
Kevin waited until the click of the door closing sounded in the room. “Helen, this isn’t what I wanted.”
She chuckled softly. “I can’t imagine anyone ever wanted a heart attack.”
“But I’m stable. Dr. Katz said so. We could delay—”
“There’s no reason to do that.”
Yes, there was. She thought the boys and their families were all coming for Christmas—and she was thrilled about it. But that wasn’t the only reason they’d all made plans for this year.
Maybe he could still pull it off. After all, he did have seven grown, capable sons. And six—nearly seven—lovely, capable daughters-in-love. They’d be willing to help, certainly.
Could it still happen? With all of his not-functioning-correctly heart, he wanted it to.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking right now.” Helen sat back and crossed her arms, a knowing look filling her expression. “Or, rather more likely, scheming. But I’m going to demand something, and you can’t argue. Get your heart fixed, Kevin. That’s what I want for Christmas. It’sallI want.”
Helen was hardly ever demanding. Full of ideas, yes. But not demanding. And even if she was, Kevin had been powerless to deny her much of anything.
Because he loved his darling wife. Whatever she wanted had always become his goal. Making her smile at him was always his favorite achievement.
So then, he’d get his broken heart fixed. For Helen.
“Why would God do that?” Twenty-five-year-old Kevin sat at a table with Dave and Mr. Clayton—a man who had done as much as he could over the past ten years to be a father to Kevin. It was not lost on Kevin how much this moment must have been a hope to both men. Sitting there together, each with a Bible opened in front of them. Kevin listening, trying to understand.
And he was trying.
Step two: I admit there is a Power greater than me, and He is able to restore me to sanity.
Kevin had embraced that, along with the other twelve steps. Especially after he’d encountered the unbelievable moment in realizing he was in the midst of miracles. His life, the love in it, his family, and his friends . . . That he still had all those beautiful gifts despite his recklessness was an absolute miracle.
Getting over that was not an option. Kevin didn’t want to get over it. He wanted to live in utter wonder of it. To let it seep in every day and float gratitude into his life. With humble desperation, Kevin wanted his life changed by it.
Irreversibly transformed by this God who Dave and Mr. Clayton loved—the very One Kevin believed was real and active, even if he couldn’t fully grasp all the things in the Bible.
Like this. Kevin rubbed his brow as he glanced back at Genesis 2. “Why would God plant temptation in the middle of paradise?”
George Clayton nodded slowly, as if he understood the resistance Kevin felt against this move on God’s part. It seemed . . . like a setup. Like that moment Kevin’s dad had set a beer in front of him when he’d been thirteen, grinned cynically, and walked away. It’d been a silent taunting dare:Just try not to be like me, boy. Think you’re better? I dare you—just try it.
Angry and confused, Kevin had gotten up and walked away, only to have curiosity overcome him within an hour. And within that same hour, he’d experienced his first buzz. And his dad had laughed.
For whatever twisted reason that had possessed him, Tom Murphy had wanted his son to fail. To that very day, the blistering pain of that fact resided deep within Kevin’s heart.
But for all that Kevin could see in his life now, he believed that God was good. He wasn’t cruel or selfish—not like Kevin’s own father had been. But this tree of knowledge of good and evil?
“I think it’s pretty easy toonlylook at that forbidden tree,” Mr. Clayton began quietly. “But let’s start where God started. He said,You arefreeto eat ofanytree in the garden.There was beautiful abundance in that. Great freedom. Truly they would have lacked no good thing.”
Kevin nodded. “I can see that. But why put theonethere—the forbidden?”
“I think perhaps it was to hold out a choice,” Dave replied. “As if God was telling Adam,Live in my abundance. Choose to love me, to trust me.And the way Adam could choose that love and trust was to obey God. That’s only really possible if there is a choice one way or the other.”
“But He must have known that they would make the wrong decision.” Kevin squirmed in his chair, not wanting to accuse God of something bad, even if that was exactly what it seemed.
“Since I believe God is all knowing, yes, I’d say you’re right.” Mr. Clayton leaned forward, eyebrows drawn in. “But He still offered the choice. I think that’s what love does. It doesn’t demand, but invites. God could have offered no choice, but instead He held out the dangerous invitation to love or to turn away.”
Step three: I must make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
