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But . . . but I’m not a good enough person,Helen had argued.I got pregnant, and I lied to my parents, and now I have these beautiful boys and Kevin and me are only going to wreck them. Maybe this is God’s punishment to me for—
Mrs. Clayton had cut her off right there.Your children are a gift, Helen. Don’t ever mistake that. Those boys are a gift from God, not a punishment.And she’d opened her Bible to show her that it really did say that in there.
Children are a heritage from the Lord.
Over the past several months, Mrs. Clayton had shown Helen other verses in the Bible too. Things likeAll have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.AndGod demonstrates His love toward us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.And the most befuddling one, simple as the words may be,Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.
Saved to an eternity of life with God in heaven.
Mrs. Clayton had been firm in that claim every time Helen had hinted that God wasn’t interested in her because she wasn’t good enough.
No one is good enough. We all need saved.
It all was confusing to Helen. And seemed a little bit irrelevant. Because while eternity might be a long time—as in forever—what Helen felt she needed right then was a God who would shake the alcoholism out of her husband right there on earth. And soon. She needed a God who would give Kevin the willpower to be the man he wanted to be.
She needed a God who would see her sorry state of life right then and there and intervene.
Helen tipped her head back and swiped the tears from her face. As she stared at the water-stained ceiling tiles, a surge of anger pushed up from her soul. “Are you that God?”
No whispers from heaven came forth. No touch from an angel or a phone call from the man saying a miracle had just happened. The splash-hiss sound of water boiling over onto the electric coils of the stove was her only answer. Helen jerked herself off the refrigerator and moved to rescue the pasta sure to be burning at the bottom of the pan.
She’d never felt so alone and miserable in her life. And felt no hope for change.
Chapter Three
(in which prayers can be hard)
“Mom.”
A pair of large, work-strengthened hands warmed her shoulders and squeezed.
Shutting her eyes, her heart throbbing with an ache that had a significant portion in the recall of the past, Helen drew in a long breath before she turned to face Tyler.
Sometimes hard things must be remembered. Not dwelled on. Not invited to hijack the present or the future. But still, they should be recalled on occasion. Because if that time hadn’t been so hard, perhaps the grace that had poured out wouldn’t be quite so amazing.
She and Kevin had experienced amazing grace. And this young man behind her, now a husband and father himself, was one of so many proofs.
Yahweh, the lord of heavenandearth, was indeed that God she’d needed. The One who could and did intervene in her life and in Kevin’s. And the One who now and forevermore held them both securely in his hands. No matter how this day turned out.
Tyler’s hands rubbed her arms, and Helen looked up.
“Matt is coming.”
Helen shook her head. “He shouldn’t. Not now—it’s nearly dark, and there’s snow on the pass.”
“Lauren insisted he come.” Tyler’s expression became resolved—a look he’d inherited from Kevin on the occasions that stern determination was needed.
Jacob joined his younger but bigger brother, and together the pair made a protective little cove around her. “Connor said he’ll come this way in the morning but to keep him updated. Brandon too. Brayden is flying in tomorrow afternoon. Jackson will wait until he lands, and then they’ll both head up the hills this way.”
A lump swelled in Helen’s throat. “It’s too soon to make these plans. We don’t know what will happen.”
Tyler shook his head, compassion and worry saturating his dark eyes. “Dad was always there for us. Always.”
Jacob nodded solemnly. “And you—we’ll be here for you both, no matter what comes.” Her fair son—the only one of the seven who looked like her—draped an arm around her frame. A move that held such significance to Helen’s heart, as only a few years back, Jacob had been aloof and taciturn. Their years-long conflict and his seeming rejection of not just her but of their whole family had been such a painful season.
Thank God for reconciliation.
Helen pressed her head into his shoulder.
