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Black was staring at me intensely. It was hard to make sense of his expression. Elements of his stare were gentle and loving, almost pitying.
He also seemed angry.
And he seemed lustful.
Myheart felt like a hot coal I had swallowed.
“Black,” I said, and my lips trembled.
He held up a hand and turned his palm upward, then beckoned me toward him by closing and opening his fingers. Black often gestured to me like this. I would go to him, and he would pull me into his arms, sit me down on his lap, or playfully toss me on the bed before kissing me and sometimes ravishing me.
But this didn’t look like one of those times. My heart reminded me of my fear, turning from heated coal to a block of ice in a flash. I shook my head a little, but not enough that my no was definite. “I’m afraid,” I whispered.
“Don’t be afraid of me,” Black said, gesturing again. This was honest enough that I guess I believed it. I stepped toward him and he pulled me closer by the towel as soon as I was within reach.
He didn’t put me on his lap, just ran his hands from my knees, up my thighs, to my ass, and then he pushed his face into my belly and inhaled deeply.
I don’t know why, maybe out of instinct, but I placed my hands on his head and worked my fingers into his wild blond hair. It had grown quite a bit during my time here, and, unlike the others, Black did not seem to care about cutting it. It was thick and surprisingly soft, and his hot breath filtered through the fabric of the towel at a changed tempo, which made me think that he liked it.
He tipped his head back and rested his chin on my belly. This was a strange reversal of how we normally interacted, and it had a dizzying effect. I was suddenly aware again of all the problems that surrounded me, that I didn’t know how to manage.
“Cap wants you to have a few days off,” he said.
There was nothing especially unusual about this: it had happened before, and I had been grateful for it, even if it was a little disappointing and boring, because there did seem to be some limits on how much abuse, however pleasant, any person could take. I had been half-expecting this, after all the ordeals of yesterday.
But Black wasn’t telling me with the same devious joy that he usually did. Black brought me food on those days, or took me around the ship to see things I wanted to see, like an observation dome and the bathroom with a pool of water in it, or other things I had requested to go see as a means of determining the layout of the ship. (This was still a pet project of mine, but I wasn’t doing it with any degree of seriousness, because there wasn’t any purpose to it: we were in the middle of deep space, and my crew was in stasis pods that would not fit through just any airlock, especially not an escape pod’s. But something about this crew and the ship wasoff.The soldiers still carried weapons with them, and there were strange things on this ship – like the observation dome – that didn’t jibe with their story of being a rescue crew in Solymus SF.)
Usually Black liked my days off because of this. He never tried anything sexual with me on those days, but I could tell that he wanted to. He lingered when he brought me food, and told me funny jokes, and asked me if I had everything I needed, and sometimes stretched out on my bed next to me to make a joke about staying there, or stroking my hair and talking about something until I fell asleep.
He had none of that air about him now.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, stepping back. Black moved his hands over my forearms, closing down on my wrists when he reached them, so I couldn’t step further away.
He looked at his hands. “It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with,” he said. He was watching his own fingers as they moved over my skin.
My pulse started to race, and I felt a chill descending through my body. I started to breathe rapidly.
Black sensed this immediately and pulled me back toward him, this time pushing me down to his lap. His hand went to the back of my neck and he pushed my face toward him, his lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes with the pleasure of it. Rhys did this to me, and it turned me into a pliable pile of flesh with a wet center. Black’s kiss felt magnificent, though not as intense, and a chill went down my shoulder blades and neck.
“Cap’s got a new plan,” he said, staring at my fingers as he played with them. I leaned, instinctively, onto his shoulder, and I felt a tremor pass through him.
I waited, but Black didn’t elaborate.
“What’s the plan?”
He inhaled, and opened his mouth, as though he had something very difficult to say, but he was resigned to saying it. Then he closed his mouth and forced a smile from his closed lips. He still didn’t look at me, just brought my fingers to his lips while staring, absent-mindedly, at the wall in front of him. He seemed miles away in his thoughts. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “For today, just rest.”
He lifted me, as all of them did, like I weighed no more than a small handbag, and set me gently on the bed at his side. “What would you like me to make you? To eat?” he asked, but without his usual enthusiasm.
I was so hungry I felt like I would eat anything, so I just shook my head and made our usually joke. "Surprise me?" I said.
Black smiled, but a troubled expression lurked behind his eyes.
"Your wish is my command," he said.
That was his usual line, but it rang hollow that day.
CHAPTER9
