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Shaking my head, I gritted my teeth. Even my thoughts were doubting me. And maybe I could have done that, but the guilt that festered inside me at just the idea of not telling the man that he had a baby on the way was enough to keep me going toward the address where he lived.
This was it. This was when everything would change.
I pulled up at a stop light and stared down at my round stomach. “We’re nearly there,” I whispered. I got a kick in response, and I couldn’t help but smile. This baby hadn’t even taken its first breath and already I felt a connection so deep—deeper than I could have ever imagined. Which was one of the reasons I hadn’t told anybody, too afraid that they’d tell me I was too young to have a baby.
A horn beeped from behind me and I snapped my head up, seeing the light had changed from red to green. I quickly sped up and drove another mile down the road, stopping only to take a few turns. Then I was there, on the road that led to the mansion I’d seen on my maps app.
I drove past it, wanting to see it first, then turned and parked a little bit away, trying to build up enough courage to get out of the car.
What if he didn’t remember me? What if he acted like it never happened?
My breaths came faster. I hadn’t thought about any of that as I’d been searching for where he lived, but now I couldn’tstopthinking about how he’d react. I gasped, my hands slapping against the steering wheel. What if he wasn’t here? What if he was at the apartment I’d met him in?
“You know who owns the place?”
“Yeah. My brother.”
His words from all of those months ago rang in my head, calming me down. He wouldn’t be there. He’d be here.
Or maybe he wouldn’t.
“Dammit.” I let my head drop back on the headrest of my seat, trying to calm my racing thoughts, but it felt almost impossible. How was I going to do this? How was I going to explain that it had taken me seven months to get to this point?
I supposed I could be honest and tell him that I’d stuck my head in the sand and pretended that none of it was happening.
Yeah. I’d do that. I’d be honest. I’d tell him the truth.
With renewed energy, I turned my engine off and opened my door, trying to ignore the way my stomach dipped and the shake of my hands. I was pulling up my big-girl panties. I was doing this. I was—
I halted outside of the gates, blinking at the sight of them. From the car, they hadn’t looked so big, but now that I was standing only feet away, they seemed huge. At least twice the height of me with elaborate Bs in the metal work.B for Beretta.
My feet wouldn’t move, my body frozen to the spot. I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, but it had to be for at least ten minutes until I saw a car driving down the driveway. The black SUV came speeding toward the gates, stopping right in front of them.
“What do you want?” a deep voice called, and a second later, I saw a face appear out of the driver’s side window. His gaze bore into me, a frown etched deep into his features. It was clear to see that he was angry and annoyed, and for a second I wondered if I should have just spun around and walked away. But before I’d even registered it, my mouth was opening.
“I…I need to talk to Dante.” My voice was small, unsure, but I’d still managed to get the words out. That was progress, right?
“Dante?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat and took two steps forward, wishing my legs didn’t feel like they were going to give in at any second. “Dante Beretta. It’s important. I need to talk to him.”
I spotted someone walking down the driveway—a woman—but tried to keep my focus on the man whose face was still hanging out of the window.
“He’s not here,” he said, his tone brooking no room for an argument.
Dammit. I’d worked myself up to this point, and he wasn’t even here.
“I just…” I shuffled on the spot. “I just really need to talk to him,” I said lowly, biting down on my bottom lip. What was I supposed to do now? How was I going to tell him?
There was several seconds of silence, and then he asked, “Do you know Dante?”
“I…” I glanced up, blinking rapidly. I didn’t know who to look at, the man in the SUV or the woman standing there listening to us. “Yeah, kind of.”
“Then if you know him, you should have his number.” His number? I hadn’t even said goodbye to him the next morning. I’d panicked and left the apartment in a rush while he’d been sleeping. He continued, “Didn’t think so. If he wanted you to be able to contact him, you’d have it.”
I couldn’t tell him why I was here. I couldn’t explain what had happened that night and how Ihadto speak to him.
There was nothing I could do. Not right then anyway. So I backed away a step and moved my hand to my stomach. “I…” I was torn, not knowing if I was doing the right thing by leaving without a fight. Maybe I should tell them why I needed to talk to him. Maybe I should confess everything. But…I couldn’t find the words. I couldn’t do anything but take another step back and nod. “I…okay.” I spun around, not saying another word as I speed walked to my car and swung the door open.
