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“Why? So you can ruin it for him?” I chuckled.
Yuri pursed his lips, frowning. “I never thought of it that way. I was more focused on, ‘if he’s smiling, he won’t hurt me’.”
I giggled. “How often do they hurt you?”
“Often.”
“Yes, but you usually deserve it.” A man I didn’t know walked into the room, throwing himself into one of the armchairs. I should be used to this by now, being surrounded by people I didn’t know, but it still made me uncomfortable and I edged closer to Yuri. At least him I was comfortable with.
Yuri noticed, patting my shoulder. “Elizabeth, have you met Viktor? He is my ugly cousin. Always doing my brother’s bidding without hesitation.”
Viktor looked like he wasn’t going to respond, closing his eyes but I heard a click and suddenly he had a gun pointing at Yuri, who’s mouth fell open. “You know, sometimes I think you forget that I can kill you with my eyes closed.”
Terror swept through me. I knew the guys were armed, I’ve seen more than one of them cleaning their guns at the table. But it was completely different to have a gun pointed in your general direction. I whimpered and Viktor’s eyes flew open. He blanched and immediately shoved the gun into the waistband of his pants.
“Sorry, I did not mean to frighten you. Yuri is a pain in my ass and has been trying my patience since he has Gabi to protect him. Please don’t be scared.”
When he moved closer, reaching out like he was going to take my hand, I flinched, jerking to my feet. Yuri watched wide eyed, his gaze moving between me and Viktor.
“I– I’m sorry, I have to go.”
I took off, ignoring the fact that running hurt my feet. I flew past Jo and Gabi, who just got home, and up the stairs. I didn’t stop until I was in James’s room, slamming the door behind me. Tremors wracked me and I startled hard when there was a knock at the door. I didn’t answer it. I was worried it might be Viktor. Instead, I ducked into the closet, sitting on the floor. I drew my knees to my chest and dropped my head against them. The dam broke and I started sobbing.
It all felt like too much. I felt like I’d been doing well, dealing with everything that’s been happening and all the new people. But apparently I reached my limit with Viktor threatening Yuri. I couldn’t cope, my mind running a thousand miles a minute. Anxiety, fear, it all sat heavy on my shoulders, dragging me under the water like it did at the hotel. I never had panic attacks before the hotel…
I was aware that people kept knocking on the door but I never answered. I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. It wasn’t until James scooped me up off the floor and into his arms that I felt like I could take a deep breath. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against him. I could feel tension radiating off of him but I didn’t have the energy to speak yet. I still felt like I was barely treading water.
He moved me to the bed, sitting against the headboard with me wrapped in his arms. He ran his fingers through my hair and slowly we both started to relax.
“Baby, what happened?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to get Viktor in trouble. Now that I could think properly, I probably overreacted. When James tried to nudge me so he could look at me, I buried my face farther against him. I didn’t want to be stared at right now. I just wanted to be held.
James sighed, his hold tightening slightly. It probably would be uncomfortable if I wasn’t so desperate for his comfort right now. I don’t know how long we sat there like that. The room grew dark but he never bothered to get up to turn on the light. I heard his phone buzz a few times but for once he ignored it, his sole focus on me. It was that sweet gesture that finally melted away the last of the panic.
I pulled back, swiping away errant tears. It was really dark in here, I almost couldn’t see his face. He reached to cup my cheek and accidentally poked me in the eye.
“Ow.”
“Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry.”
Just like when we fell on the ice, it broke through the mood and once I started laughing, I couldn’t stop. I felt his chuckle reverberating through his chest. He leaned slightly and clicked on the lamp on his nightstand.
I blinked, trying to adjust to the light. Once I did, I gasped. There was a cut on James’s lip and it looked like he was getting a black eye.
“Oh my god, what happened?”
He shook his head. Cupping my face, he pulled me closer, kissing my forehead softly. I let him, mostly because it made me feel good whenever he did it but I wouldn’t be deterred that easily. Once he released me, I leaned back, eyes narrowed until he finally spoke.
“When I heard Viktor scared you and made you cry, I lost it a little and we got into a fight.”
My jaw fell open. Viktor was intimidating, which was one of the reasons his threat to Yuri was so terrifying. I ran my fingers over his face and he leaned into it, resting his cheek against my palm. I pulled him closer, lightly kissing the injuries. He sighed heavily, relaxing when I rested his head against my shoulder.
“I don’t know how many times I got home from a rough job and wanted this. Not sex, not alcohol, just this.” He leaned against me until we toppled to the side. I giggled, pulling him down so he was resting on my shoulder again.
“Well, as long as I’m here, you can have this whenever you want.” My heart was racing but it wasn’t panic this time. It felt good that I could comfort him for once. I felt guilty that he got hurt trying to defend me but he was so relaxed I didn’t want to bring it up. Instead, I ran my fingers through his hair, letting him rest.
When James suggested we go downstairs to eat, I adamantly refused. I didn’t want to face any of them right now. I felt safe in James’s room.
