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She knocked and peeked her head inside.
“Simon?” she called, but no one answered. She entered the room and went to the windows beside the desk to wait for him. He would likely come up any minute, for he would also have to change for their wintry escapade into the woods. She looked out over the snowy landscape and uttered a contented sigh. It had been a wonderful Christmas week so far, and she knew it was bound to be the best Christmas of her life.
She turned around and started looking through the things on his desk. He had a few books stacked there, and she picked up the one on top, thumbing through the pages.
“It would appear you are a bit of a philosopher,” she mumbled. She took up the next book, which turned out to be a collection of sonnets. Smiling to herself that she had married a man of such contradictions, she picked up the last book. However, a note fell out of the middle when she thumbed through that one. Curious, she bent down and picked up the message.
Her heart froze when she saw Simon’s handwriting and that the note was addressed to lady Genevieve Gladstone. Ellen glanced around the room, taking a moment to listen for footsteps. She frowned and opened the note, which was unsealed.
She was not prepared for what she read.
My dearest Genevieve,
These last months have been torture being separated from you. When we were last in London together, in the garden at your house—do you remember? I told you of my feelings then. Those feelings have not changed. It was unfair of my father to force me into this marriage. My wife does not love me. She and I could never share the love that we have for each other.
Please, I beg you, end my misery and say that you will be mine—
Ellen stopped reading, uttering a pained gasp. She crinkled the note in her fist, anger welling up inside her. However, just as soon as it was crumpled, she reopened it, searching for the date. Her heart sank when she read the date scribbled in the top left-hand corner. “December 19th?” she said in disbelief. Just a few days before they had consummated their marriage. “How can this be?”
Ellen gripped the back of the chair that was scooted beneath the desk, afraid she would faint. How could Simon do this to her? She had thought he was genuine, that he actually loved her. Was it all a lie? She looked disdainfully down at the note.
The door opened the next second, frightening her. She hid the note behind her back, her heart beating with the wings of a thousand hummingbirds. Relief flooded her when she saw it was only Simon’s valet.
“Lady Ellen, forgive me. I will come back later,” he said and started to back out of the room.
Ellen held up a hand and waved him into the room. “No, please. I was just leaving.” She kept the note behind her back, knowing she should not have read his private missives. However, she was also glad she had seen it. From now on, she would have to guard her heart far more carefully than she had over the last few days. If Simon was willing to step out on their marriage with how things had changed for the better, then so be it.
“Is there anything I can do, Lady Ellen?” Simon’s valet asked. No doubt he was confused that she was still standing by the desk.
“No, thank you,” she breathed, trying to remain calm. She nodded toward the wardrobe. “I assume you need to set out Lord Simon’s clothes for the greenery hunt this afternoon. Do not let me disturb you,” she said.
The valet walked over to the wardrobe and began setting out Simon’s clothes. Ellen quickly turned around and tucked the note back into the book, placing the other two on top. She arranged them in the positions they had been before she disturbed them and walked over to the door.
Simon’s valet looked up at her as she passed, heading toward the adjoining door. “Shall I tell my lord that you wish to see him when he arrives?” he asked.
“No, thank you,” she said dully. Then she walked into her room and closed the door, turning the key in the lock. She could not think of sharing a room with Simon now, let alone seeing him. But she would have to put on a brave face, for the company would soon be arriving. She must play her part as the grand hostess everyone expected. All the while, it felt as if she were dying inside.
It had all been a lie. She should have known, for it had seemed too good to be true. She sat down heavily at her vanity and buried her face in her hands. A few seconds later, her maid came in from the hall, carrying her newly polished riding boots, warm woollen cape, and gloves. Ellen looked up, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief.
“My lady!” Ambers exclaimed. “Are you ill?” Her maid deposited the articles on the edge of the bed and placed the boots on the rug. She came over to her, looking concerned.
“No, I am not ill. Well, perhaps I am,” she amended after a slight pause. Her stomach felt like it was twisted into several knots, and her heart felt as if it had a tremendous weight pressing on it. She found breathing very difficult, so deep was the pain she had experienced in discovering Simon’s disloyalty. She held a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes.
“I do believe I have a headache coming on,” she said.
“Shall I tell Lord Simon that you will not be able to go out with the gathering party after all? You look as white as a sheet, my lady. You should rest,” she said.
Ellen thought for a moment. It would not do for her to stay at the house while Simon went off with her family and friends. Besides, Lord Carlisle would be joining the party, and in all likelihood, Lady Genevieve would also be there. She gritted her teeth.
“No, I will not stay home,” she said, a little harsher than she intended. She softened and took Ambers’ hands. “Forgive me. I have just learned something that has put me in a foul mood.”
Ambers’ face softened. “Is there anything I can do to help, my lady?”
Ellen nodded, turning her attention toward the window and the frozen landscape. A moment ago, she had looked at it in wonder, awed by the beauty around her. Now, it seemed like all the light had gone out of the world. The landscape had taken on a grey gloominess that reflected her misery.
“No, Ambers,” she whispered brokenly. “There is nothing anyone can do now.”
Chapter 34
