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She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky. The air was cold and carried the promise of snow. A few hours ago, she would have been excited with the prospect, for she knew how much Simon loved it. Now, it was one more thing that she had to wonder about. Was anything he had told her about himself true?
Thankfully, her father did not follow her, and everyone began filing into the forest in search of greenery. Ellen did little to help, keeping to herself for most of the escapade.
Finally, after about an hour had passed, her mother came over to her, wearing concern all over her face. “Ellen, what is the matter? I have not seen you look so taciturn in all my life. Except perhaps in the few days leading up to your wedding,” she said with an attempt at humour. However, Ellen was not in a humorous mood.
Ellen shook her head, trying to keep the tears at bay. She nodded toward a little path that led through the woods, and her mother fell into step beside her. Everyone else walked ahead, laughter and happy chatter ringing through the wood. Ellen was jealous of their happiness. She had been optimistic a few short hours ago until she had learned that Simon had been unfaithful to her. Or at least, he was planning to be unfaithful.
“I am wretched, Mama,” she admitted. “I was a fool to let my guard down with Simon.”
“Simon? Why? I thought things were going so well,” her mother said. She furrowed her brow. “Last night, you both looked so happy.”
“I was happy. I thought he was so wonderful, Mama. He showed such care for the people at the workhouse, spared no expense to bring them a wonderful meal and provided firewood so they would have enough warmth through the holidays. And there have been other things. I thought—” she let her voice trail off, remembering the way he kissed her and held her. All the signs had pointed to his love for her. But she had been wrong.
“What is it, Ellen?”
Ellen let out a sigh, her breath coming out in great white puffs. “Simon does not love me,” she said, her heart breaking as she heard the words uttered aloud.
Her mother halted, and she took her hands. She looked into her eyes, very concerned.
“Whatever do you mean? That cannot be true, Ellen. I have seen the way he looks at you.” Ellen pulled her hands away from her mother’s grasp and continued walking. Her mother struggled to keep up in the ankle-high snow drifts.
“He is a very good liar, then. I thought I knew him, but he has deceived all of us. Just this afternoon, I found a letter that he has written to Lady Genevieve. He confessed his love for her and how he wants to be with her. I do not know what he plans to make that a reality, but I can guess that he means to keep his plans hidden and see her behind my back. He was quite adamant in his confessions of love for her.”
“This cannot be. When was the letter written, Ellen? Did you happen to see? Perhaps it is an old letter, written when he was still at university…” her mother said. She seemed to want to do everything in her power to defend Simon. Ellen gritted her teeth.
“No, Mama. It was written a mere few days ago, on December 19. And then he had the nerve to—” she stopped, feeling her cheeks redden with a furious blush. She hung her head, but her mother seemed to understand even though she did not finish.
Ellen looked up, scanning the people that had travelled further into the woods, and she soon spotted Simon and Lady Genevieve. They were still together, walking side by side. However, Lord Carlisle had joined them. She heaved a sigh, wishing she had never found the letter. Her happiness had been too exquisite. Her pain now was almost too much to bear.
“Talk with him, Ellen. Mayhap there is an explanation.”
Ellen grew angry again, shaking her head. “The explanation is that he is an unfaithful blackguard.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle, hating that Lady Genevieve’s laughter still floated to her on the wind, even though they were about fifty yards into the wood. “I do not know how I can stay in the same house with him, let alone speak to him.”
Her mother softened and took her chin in her hand. She made Ellen look her in the eyes.
“Ellen. No one ever said that marriage was easy. There will be misunderstandings and tiffs throughout the rest of your life, but nothing is ever solved by silence. Speak with your husband. Tell him what you found and how it has made you feel. Allow him the chance to defend himself. Do not allow one moment of weakness to sabotage the rest of your marriage. Was this letter written before or after you consummated your marriage?” her mother asked.
Ellen’s cheek grew inflamed once more. She had not told her right out that they had done so. “How did you know?” she asked, lowering her voice.
“A mother knows, Ellen,” she said simply. “Now, which was it?”
“Before,” Ellen answered. She glanced past her mother’s shoulder and looked at Simon again. He had stepped away from Lady Genevieve’s side and was cutting some evergreen branches while Lady Genevieve and Lord Carlisle seemed to be arguing.
“Well, then, that explains things. Does that not enlighten you? He wrote it before you two came together as true man and wife, and he decided not to send it. I am sure he never meant to send it.” Her mother took her hands again, and Ellen grudgingly allowed her to do so. “You should not make assumptions, Ellen. Things are not always how they appear.”
Ellen pulled her hands free. “Yes, but he still wrote it. Whether he intended to send it to her or not, hewroteit. He revealed what was really in his heart, and now that I know how he feels about this marriage, I am not sure I can continue.”
Her mother gasped. “You cannot mean you want to divorce him! Ellen, you would be ruined, and the family along with you.”
“I do not mean to divorce him. But I do not have to remain married to him in the traditional sense. Sotheby Place is large enough. We may lead separate lives and barely have use of seeing each other when not in public. He can have his life, and I will have mine.” Ellen started walking again, and it took several seconds for her mother to catch up.
“I do not like the sound of this, Ellen. Speak with him before you make any decisions. You owe him that much at least—to hear his side of things.”
Ellen pinned Simon with a stare full of daggers, and she hoped he sensed the heat of her gaze. “I owe him nothing.”
Chapter 36
