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“You sighed three times in math class today and you put seven times eight equals thirty-nine on the board.” Luke fiddled with a rock on the ground, rolling his sneaker back and forth over it. “Does it have to do with Dakota?”
Leah was not ready for this conversation, especially with a fourth grader. Especially when the answer was a loud and cleary-e-s. “Don’t worry about me, Luke. I’m fine. I’ll try to keep the sighing to a minimum and my math facts correct. Sorry about that.”
She expected the boy to run off to his friends on the basketball court. Instead, he maintained eye contact with her. Was he waiting for her to crumble and spill all her woes—woes that absolutely had to do with Dakota?
Checking her watch, she motioned to the playground. “You’d better squeeze in your last few moments of play, Luke. It’s almost time to go inside and pack up for dismissal.”
Luke nodded, but Leah couldn’t help feeling he wasn’t done with his questions. Thank God the day was almost over.
Why was this so hard? Why was knowing Dakota wouldn’t be a part of her life so awful? She was keeping him out so her life would be simple and safe. Keeping him out so she didn’t have to take the risks involved in loving someone. Keeping him out so she wouldn’t have to hurt.
But I’m hurting now.That part wasn’t supposed to be happening. That hadn’t been in her plans and she had no idea how to stop that hurt.
Well, actually… that wasn’t true. She did have an idea and it included her running over to Dakota’s house and proclaiming her stupidity in ending things with him. She’d had this idea repeatedly since Saturday night when she didn’t go to Nana’s birthday bash and instead sat on her couch, eating barrels of cookie dough ice cream.
Carter, who also hadn’t gone to the bash, claiming she needed adult supervision, had shared the ice cream, but if she were being honest, she’d eaten far more than he had. When she’d asked him if he’d truly thought she was wrong to break things off with Dakota, Carter had looked at her as if he were viewing an alien creature.
“Of course you’re wrong, Leah.” He’d issued the words so calmly that she had to consider he may have been correct in his reply. At that moment, she’d wished Carter had found a new place to live already. She didn’t need his judgments. She didn’t need his supervision. All she needed was more ice cream.
And the kiss of one hot adventure guide.
Carter had gotten up off the couch and walked to the front door. He’d opened it and jiggled the knob. “Did you notice this was fixed?”
She hadn’t. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me. You know I can’t fix shit.” He’d closed the door and returned to the couch. “Dakota fixed it. He came over when you were at school yesterday and fixed it because he wants you to be safe, Leah. He loves you.”
Since that conversation on Saturday, she’d had the same conversation with herself every single day. Had she done the right thing? Today was Wednesday and she still didn’t have a solid answer. The doubts… they were a-creeping in. She almost felt as if the hurt she was feeling now being apart from Dakota was far worse than the hurt she’d feel if she lost him tragically somehow. Wasn’t this just as tragic?
Maybe love was worth the risk. Telling Dakota it was over was another form of loss, wasn’t it? She’d put herself in the very situation she’d been attempting to avoid. Dakota wasn’t dead, thank God, but not seeing or talking to him over the past few days made it feel as if he were.
She missed him.
When the dismissal bell rang, Leah went to her pick-up door duty. Clipboard in hand, she signed out students to their guardians until Krista stepped up to the door and Luke ran out to her.
“Hi, Mom!” The boy gave his mother a quick hug around the waist then took off for their car parked in the street.
Krista turned to watch Luke climb into their vehicle before facing Leah again. “Guess I don’t get to sayhiback to him.”
“Seemed as if he wanted out today.” Leah handed the clipboard to Krista so she could sign her son out for the day.
After scrawling her name, Krista returned the clipboard. “Yeah, well, he’s coming with me to Birch Peak Adventures now. Not our usual schedule so he’s a little eager. He loves it there.”
Leah’s throat stung. Of course the boy loved it there. That was where his hero worked. That was where the kindest man she’d ever met made his customers happy.
“He likes spending time with Dakota.” She could barely say his name aloud without crying. Why was she doing this to herself?
Krista shook her head. “Dakota’s not there. He’s not there for the next two weeks.”
“He’s not?” Leah hadn’t meant to sound so interested, but where was he if he wasn’t at work? He’d said he’d have a few days off due to his broken arm, but not two weeks. “Is his arm worse than the doctor thought?” God, was he in serious physical pain?
“No, his arm is on the mend as scheduled,” Krista said. “Dakota’s not around because…” She appeared to be deciding whether or not to tell Leah what she was about to tell her.
“Spill it, Krista. What’s going on?” She may have ended things with Dakota, but she still cared about him. Deeply. Too deeply. She needed to know he was okay even if they weren’t together.
“He and Noah went to New Zealand.” Krista made a face as if she were bracing for impact.
“New Zealand?” Another parent came to pick up the last remaining student and Leah got that student signed out before turning back to Krista. She had many questions, but wasn’t sure which ones she had a right to ask. She’d been the one to tell Dakota it was over between them. She’d been the one to push him away.
