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“No. I have my parents. I…I dreamed of this day for years. He’d say he was sorry for paying my mom to go away. He paid, which meant he knew about me but never wanted me. My biological mom didn’t want me either, as you know. I’m an unwanted child.” I choked.
Paul pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight, massaging my scalp. “Oh, Nadia. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting you.”
Except yourself. You don’t want me either, Paul.He cupped my chin. “There’s that look again. I want to understand.”
If I told him now, he’d think I was pushing him for something he wasn’t ready for. I hated the way I had to navigate within theconstraints of our agreement. I knew Paul wouldn’t let it go once he wanted to know something; therefore, I told him. “It means I’m afraid.”Afraid you’ll leave me.
He cuddled me. “You never need to be afraid. Whatever it is, I’m here for you, and if you ever change your mind and want to know more about Justus Black, I’ll have someone look into it. If you want to talk to him in person for closure, I’ll go with you.”
I blinked up at him. “Paul, why do you want to give so much to me?”
“Because I know you’re a good person and I enjoy your company. I think things are working well.”
“What do you get from me?”
“You’re fishing for compliments tonight.” He brushed my lips. “I get someone genuine, sexy, and—”
“No fuss,” I interjected and grimaced.
“Fuck. Vitus and his bullshit. He thinks he’s helping me in his own way.”
“He said he wanted to see you hurt.” I frowned.
Paul twisted his mouth. “Seeing emotions he can’t feel turns him on.”
“What a horrible man.” I winced in disgust. “I’m sorry you didn’t want to play Beethoven, but you performed beautifully.”
“It gets easier every day, and that scares me.” He blew out a long breath.
I raised my brows. “Why would that scare you? You love to play the piano.”
“Because I don’t want the feeling of losing Aubrey ever to be easy.”
Paul truly loved her. I was envious and hoped I’d find the same.One day someone will love me too, I hope.
“I shouldn’t have shared that with you, Nadia.” He rubbed my back. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear me talk about my late wife.”
“I want to know what makes you happy, Paul. If she makes you happy, then I’m interested.”
“You’re so kind. I feel guilty.”
I wanted to ask what he meant, but he walked away to stare out at the Paris night. I stayed close to give him support, just as he’d given me.
“Let’s go out.” Paul looked playful or a bit insane. Whatever it was caused a ripple of excitement to explode in my chest.
“Are you serious? We have only a few hours left in Paris.”
“Yes, and I regret that. I should have spent more time with you on this trip. Let me make it up to you.”
My blood rushed with exhilaration at his spontaneity. This version of Paul reminded me that although he was a widow, he was only thirteen years older than I was. He always seemed so…mature…worldly. But right then, he seemed youthful and fun. This would be good. Hopefully good for us, too.
We both changed into pullovers and jeans and laughed together at our sameness. Then before my mind could catch up, we were out on the streets, walking into the night.
“I’m taking you to two of my favorite places in Paris,” he announced.
Joy blossomed inside of me. I was finally getting a chance to see more of the man who had utterly captivated me. Leaving his drivers behind almost seemed illicit, and I was caught up in the excitement of our adventure.
He clasped my hand, and there came that spark that awakened from his touch. Paul’s self-confidence radiated, and he strolled with a fearlessness I admired and hoped to have one day.
