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Her shoulders relaxed slightly and the frown marring her creamy complexion evaporated. She closed the few steps separating them and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. “Of course I love you.”
Without hesitation he held her firmly against his body. His heart soared at the five simple words confirming she felt the same. Words lodged in his throat.
“You’re my best friend and the only person on this planet I could possibly trust with something like this.”
And just like that, the bright flame of hope fanned by excitement that she had come to the same recognition of truth he had was extinguished. Reality was a leaden weight in his gut. He couldn’t possibly blame her, it had taken him years to admit his feelings for her. It was unrealistic to think that a few minutes back in his presence would be all it took.
Although that would be a damn sight easier than the current hell of romance movie-worthy unrequited love to contend with.
Questions danced on the tip of his tongue, but if nearly twenty years of friendship had taught him anything about Jillian, it was that she’d share the details of her current problem when she was ready. Still, the girl who had never wanted the lavish lifestyle she’d been born into and only saw money as a means to save the world suddenly wanting to put her career and entire life on hold for a year and a half to land a trust fund that had been sitting dormant for five years didn’t add up.
He pushed the thoughts to the back of his brain for another time and instead basked in the pleasure of her in his arms. How many times had they stood exactly like this and it hadn’t meant a fraction of what it did now? How in the hell could he have been so blind for so long?
Although every cell of his body cried out against the action, he dropped his arms and pushed her away slightly. He turned to grab the dishes and give his hands something to do that didn’t involve pulling her back and kissing her senseless. That might be a bit premature.
He piled her plate with a heaping mound of the simple dish and held it out to her. “Eat up, Jillybean. It sounds like we’re going to have one hell of a day ahead of us and it’s already after five.”
She took the plate and held it up to her nose, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. “Dean Carlisle, how is it possible you aren’t married?”
Because I’m in love with my best friend and don’t have the spine to admit it. Yet.He shook his head and grinned, nudging her toward the table. “Now that would be awfully inconvenient if I had a wife and had to marry you too.” He ran his hand along his stubble covered jaw. “Pretty sure that’s illegal in this state.”
The fork she had laden with vegetables and pasta hung in the air halfway between her mouth and the mountain of food in front of her. “You…actually never answered me about that. Is this really okay for you? Are you dating anyone?”
My last relationship ended two years ago when you came home for three days and flew off again and I realized three hours later that my heart was somewhere over the Atlantic and I was a complete dumbass for not realizing it sooner.His very unhelpful mind filled in the answer with a truth he wasn’t ready to actually speak.
Outwardly he shook his head. “Nope. I’m free and clear and all yours to lock into wedded bliss.” He filled his own plate and sat down beside her. “So, which family do we share the happy news with first?”
***
Jillian
Present Day
A fresh wave of guilt washed over Jillian at the same time as Tracy Carlisle's arms encircled her. She’d been a second mother—in reality a first in terms of emotional support and maternal affection—since she met Dean. The deception shrouding their engagement was a heavy weight. Truth danced on the tip of her tongue as she squeezed the other woman tightly. But blood deep loyalty overrode every other desire and she swallowed down the words threatening to spill out,as well as the tears skating along the edge of her lower lid, ready to fall.
“I’ve missed you so much, sweetie.” The sincerity pouring from the few words mingled with the warmth in her touch. Tracy pulled back slightly and cupped Jillian’s face between her palms. “You aren’t allowed to leave until you have a good meal and tell me all about your last trip. I think Dean said…Sierra Leone this time?”
Meaningless in the grand scheme of things that Tracy Carlisle managed to remember where Jillian had most recently been sent during her time with Doctors Without Borders, but another nail in the coffin of guilt suffocating Jillian for the deceptive path she and Dean were leading his family down.Me, she corrected herself silently,I’m the one doing this.
But the small acknowledgement that her mother never even bothered to give was further proof that the Carlisle family loved her like no other. And now she was going to hurt them to save the blood relatives who were little more than acquaintances most days.
“Yeah, Mom, Sierra Leone,” Dean confirmed from across the room, breaking his conversation with his father long enough to nod along with the comment before Jillian could respond. “Which means she spent something like twenty-six hours flying home, so try to lay off the interrogation for at least a day or two.”
Jillian tried to purse her lips past the smile tugging at the corners. “Dean Carlisle, be nice to your mother.”
Tracy chuckled and patted Jillian on the arm before leading her to the sofa in the center of the room. “Honey, after what his brothers have put us through lately, Dean’s mouth is the least of my concerns.”
Just before she left and the few times she’d been able to video chat with Dean while she’d been gone, he’d briefly mentioned one excursion or another to help out Tanner, Wyatt, and Connor, but he’d never gone into great detail. And Jillian knew her best friend well enough to know that he’d clue her in when he was ready. Pushing him too soon would cause a fight she had no intention of engaging in.
At least not until she’d had a decent night’s rest. Then nothing would give her more joy than a little verbal sparring with Dean. Keeping his head from getting too big was one of her favorite pastimes and that usually required some good natured arguments that never really got heated. Because that wasn’t who they were.
Two peas on opposite ends of a pod, his mother had called them since childhood. Only one time had they ever truly fought, but they were teenagers. Ridiculous, dramatic teenagers full of excessive emotions and uncontrolled hormones.
In some ways they couldn’t possibly be more different, but in other ways they couldn’t be more alike. And the deep friendship, the bond that could withstand anything, was at the center of it.
And the very reason she could ask to do something as insane as being party to a fake marriage. A small part of her still couldn’t believe he’d said yes.
The very man occupying her mind slid behind her on the couch. She turned to look at him quizzically, but he merely flashed the grin that always managed to talk her into doing stupid things when they were younger.
