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She dropped one more kiss on her husband’s lips before ascending the stairs to the rapidly growing cries from her small daughter. Wyatt’s eyes tracked her every move until she disappeared up the steps.
“Seriously, Dean, what did you do?” Wyatt lifted one leg to rest his ankle on the opposite knee.
He opened his mouth, but struggled to find the words he was looking for, a way to explain it that made sense. But Wyatt had known practically since he was born that he wanted to be a bull rider and eventually open his own ranch. That was always the plan. Was there a chance in hell his brother could understand where he was coming from?
“You and Tanner and Connor…” He lifted his hands helplessly. “The three of you have always had a clear picture of your future. Hell, Jillian has too. And my dumb ass changed my major three times because I couldn’t decide.”
He got up and carded his fingers through his hair as he paced the length of the room. “Do you have any idea how it feels to be the baby who doesn’t have a damn clue what I should do with my life while I sit back and watch my siblings just breathe and know what to do?”
Wyatt squinted beneath his ever present cowboy hat. “What the hell are you talking about? You and Mat have created something special, something you can be proud of. Why does it matter if it took you a few extra years to figure it out?”
“It took me years to figure out what every other person in my life just…knew. It means I’m irresponsible, unreliable, and unfocused.” The statement spilled from his mouth before he could even fully formulate the thought. He dropped down onto the sofa once more. “And that isn’t the kind of guy Jillian deserves. I kind of let my shit get between us tonight.”
Silence followed the practically whispered proclamation and the words hung between them. It was something he hadn’t admitted to himself, much less to anyone. As the seconds ticked by on the enormous clock that hung above the fireplace, he was calling himself every name he could think of for letting that particular cat out of the bag.
“Do you have any idea what it was like being next in line after the great Tanner Carlisle?”
Dean blinked rapidly, his brows furrowed together. “What?”
Wyatt let out a mirthless chuckle. “Tanner was made to take over Carlisle International. He followed in dad’s footsteps to a T and managed to always make the right decisions. All-star football player, champion baseball player…” His brother shook his head. “There were moments I hated his guts.”
An unexpected gratitude for the understanding he never thought someone as determined as Wyatt could possibly comprehend grew in his chest. For the first time some of the weight of the burdens he’d put on himself lifted.
Dean held up his index finger. “Same. You and Connor too, just a little less.”
This time Wyatt tipped his head back and gave a full, deep belly laugh. “The thing is, even though I always knew I wanted to go on the rodeo circuit, and even though I planned to open the training facility, that doesn’t mean I don’t know how you feel.” Wyatt leaned forward at the waist, resting his forearms on his knees. “My point is that just because I’ve been confident in one part of my life, doesn’t mean I haven’t questioned things.”
His older brother stood, grabbed a blanket and a pillow from the hidden closet close to his chair, and tossed them over to Dean. “The important thing is that you’re doing something you love, something you’re passionate about, and something you can be proud of.” His lips curled into a smirk. “And I think you’ve seen Tanner, Connor, and even me screw up enough to know we aren’t perfect. We can make a mess of our lives just as fast as anyone else.”
Wyatt went to the base of the stairs and paused for a minute. “And you need to learn something I had to admit long ago.”
Dean fluffed the pillow and turned to stretch out on the sofa. “What’s that?”
“Gigi is always right. Jillian loves you, you just need to pull your head out of your ass long enough to tell her how you feel.”
Dean spent most of the night tossing, turning, staring at the ceiling, and replaying his conversation with Wyatt. Some of the long held feelings that hung like a dark cloud over him dissipated and a bright ray of hope shone through.
Maybe he could be the man Jillian deserved.
***
Jillian
Present Day
She hadn’t realized just how quickly she’d gotten used to Dean’s presence beside her every night in bed until it was missing. Her heart ached with the knowledge he was hurting and her temper flared slightly at his utter stupidity in not talking to her.
Although that was a thought that damned her as much as it did him. Asking him to be the one to marry her to aid in yet another quest to be someone’s saving force—although the fact it was her family, people she never expected to need her, was still a concept she found hard to grasp—was a complete no brainer. But also one of the stupidest moves of her life.
The inward groan worked its way up the back of her throat and escaped her mouth as she shoved all the supplies in Dean’s car. She pressed her lips together tightly and huffed. As much as she loved the speed and responsiveness of the sports car, they’d really need to discuss having something slightly more practical than that and a motorcycle on hand.
Her heart skipped three beats. That is…if he didn’t run away at even the suggestion of making their marriage a real one.
She glanced over the contents filling the front and backseats before getting inside and slowly backing out of the garage.
Whatever his answer, she would be okay. She repeated the mantra to herself over and over on the short drive, grateful for how close Dean’s apartment was to his parents’ home, Wyatt’s ranch, and, just a little further away, Tanner’s house.
A tidal wave of emotion crashed over her, unexpected tears burning the corners of her eyes. She didn’t have a shadow of a doubt that she loved Dean, but it was so much more. It was his parents, his brothers…he came attached to a packaged family that filled every vacant hole left by her less than involved father and cold, distant mother. It wasn’t at all surprising that he stayed nearby. They were a tight-knit clan and welcomed her into their family quickly and completely so many years ago.
