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“About a week before Christmas. Listen, it’s not hard. People collect contributions, we wrap them up, and have a little party.”
Something’s not adding up.Mouth pursed, I ponder all the types of things that could go wrong. “Hmm…”
“What exactly, is that supposed to mean?” Her pretty eyes spark as she studies my face.
“Wahl sugar, I think wherever you go trouble follows.” Taking her arm, I point out the flashing stick man and after checking for crazy Brooklyn drivers, walk my family across the street.
On the opposite side, we climb the curb where Samanthaplayfully punches my arm. “You need to stop conjuring the worst scenarios in your head. You know what they say, if you speak of the devil, he’s sure to pop up.”
“I got one better.Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” I grin because I ain’t one to be spoutin’ bible verses and I caught her off guard.
“Says the man recovering from a gunshot wound.” My wifesmirks, thinking she won the argument, but I’m not done yet and try another angle.
“Babe, if we’re thinkin’ about havin’ another baby, you need to be more protective of your time.”
Mikey, who’s been running ahead on the leash, turns back and tugs on Sam’s coat. “Mommy, I’m cold.”
“How about we stop and get warmed up before we pick out a tree?” I point out Petey’s place and we re-cross the street.
As I open the door, baking pizza makes my stomach grumble, but it’s too early for lunch. “How about some hot chocolate?”
“Yuppers.” Our little man grins as we take off his outerwear and settle him in a booster seat.
The proprietor tilts his head up from where he throws a pie in the air. “Hey Sammy, how about youget rid of the bum and marry me?”
“Sure, whenpigs fly.” Frowning, my spouse strides to the espresso machine behind the counter and makes our drinks. As it froths up a storm, Sam’s uncle Vinny steps out from his secret room in back of the freezer.
“Yo, I thought I heard your voice.Buongiorno a tutti.” Vitalekisses both her cheeks and gives my son a hug.
Then, he eyes me as an adversary because despite being family, I am. “What brings youz guyz out on a cold morning like dis?”
“A kwissmas twee.” My boy points out the window toward the formerly vacant lot which now has multiple pines leaning against the twisted metal fencing.
“Greatchoice.” He bites on his unlit cigar. “Price is right, too. Cash only.”
The mobster narrows his gaze at me. “Dey fell off a truck.”
“Yeah, so we were told.” As a rule, I don’t approve of purchasing stolen merchandise, but a two-hundred-dollar disposable decoration seems like a waste of hard-earned money.
While I contemplate my place in hell for buying a pilfered pine tree to celebrate the birth of our Lord, I ignore Vinny and Sam’s conversation about folks I’ve never heard of.
Without warning, Vitale shouts and the veins in his forehead pop out. “You did what?”
“Father O’Connell said it was no big deal.” My little lady’s eyes plead with me, demanding I have her six, but I haven’t been listening.
The crime boss places his palms on the table. “Of course, he did. He’s senile. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Were you brought up under a rock? You mess this up, da whole family takes a hit. Let me do dis for youz.”
She shakes her head so adamantly, her pink fuzzy hat falls to the floor. “No, no. I got this. A donation would be helpful, but no more than a few hundred bucks.”
“I’ll have Joey drop it off.” He shouts to Petey. “Did you hear dat? She’s in charge of the freakin’ auction.”
The pizzaman slides a pie out of the oven using a long paddle, turns, and tsk-tsks under his breath. “It’s been nice knowin’ youz.”
An ex-navy SEAL, I stomp to the counter where dough spins in the air. “Exactly what kind of hole has my wife fallen into?”
He grins. “The last person to fuck up the fundraiser got excommunicated by the pope.”
“You gotta be shittin’ me.” I roll my eyes, but his face stays dead serious.
