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My brows furrow when Rad shakes his head with tears streaming down his cheeks, and his bottom lip quivers with anguish resting in the depths of his dark eyes. Instantly my heart drops, and the worst possible outcome runs through my mind. What the fuck happened? My gaze drifts to Callum, burrowing into the stiff seat with white earbuds resting in his ears as he drowns out the rest of the world, covering his eyes with his hands. The old Callum, the one so stuck inside his head with the awful memories of his past, slowly emerges, taking away the blossoming butterfly Callum had become. My jaw clenches. She may have brought him out of his shell, breathing life into his lungs with her wild ways, but she's the cause of all the heartache on his fallen face. If it weren’t for her, then we’d all be peachy. But she’s come in and fucked us all up. This is just the cherry on fucking top.
"It's bad, bro,” Rad whispers through an array of emotions clogging his throat.
"What is it?" I ask through the tension rising in my chest, beating down on me.
"They tried so fucking hard," Rad says, wiping away the tears. "Her mom is gone," he mumbles, gripping his hair tightly. "She fucking…she fucking died because we took River away from here. They said something about an infection in her blood."
"No," I bark, plopping down next to him and gripping his shoulder. "This is no one's fault. If she was sick, this was meant to happen." I give him a sharp nod when he slumps in the seat with a twisting expression. More tears escape down his cheeks, and he sniffles.
"Where is River?"
Rad's lips roll together, and his brows furrow. "Talking to the funeral home people. Some pastor came by and prayed with us, but uh, they needed to know where to take the body in the morning." He shakes his head in disbelief. "How did this happen, man? I don't understand. Stella was a good woman she…" he chokes on his words, bringing a fist to his mouth, stopping his words.
Knots form in my gut, memories of death smothering me. Stella, River's mom, is no longer with us. Unlike my mother, it wasn't by her own hands. It was something her body did to her and let her suffer. My heart mourns with River, who's probably so distraught she doesn't know what to do with herself. And I feel for her. I’ve been through it before at a younger age. No one prepares you for life without the woman who brought you into this world. She’s supposed to live for an eternity by your side, helping you as all mothers should. But now, River won’t have that opportunity.
"It happens to the best of people," I murmur, eyeing Callum as he heaves a shuddering breath. The storm hiding in the back of his blank eyes startles me into putting my hand on his shoulder and gently squeezing. Looking at me, he shakes his head, breaking our eye contact. Slowly, the old closed-off Callum takes the reigns and refuses to meet my eye, staring at the floor instead.
"Where was her nurse?" Rad sniffles. "Where was anyone?"
"Her symptoms were like the flu," Kieran says, stumbling into the seat beside me. "They said she would have been feverish, puking, and feeling sick. The neighbor checked in on her and gave her Tylenol but didn't recognize the symptoms for what they were." Grabbing his long, dark locks, misery takes over his twisted expression.
"How's Pretty Girl?" Rad asks, jumping to his feet. "We need to be with her."
"She asked me to leave," Kieran grumbles, lips twisting into furry. "She's hiding in her fucking grief and pushing me away."
"Maybe we should give her some space," I say, folding my hands in my lap. "She doesn't…."
"Like fuck, bro. Respectfully, of course. River pushes us away when she doesn't want us to see her vulnerabilities," Rad snaps, getting in my face. "I won't be dragged away when she needs us."
I sigh, nodding. I knew it would not be easy to convince them that we needed to give her some space and talk sense into them.
"She wants to be alone." We all jump when her best friend Ode marches out of the emergency room doors with a grim expression, shaking her head. Her heated, dark eyes lock on us, and she sighs, hurt, making her face fall. "She even kicked me out," she mutters, putting a hand on her forehead. "My mom is going to take her home. We need to give her a day or two to process, alone. That’s how she handles shit. It’s stupid, but that’s the River West way."
"Let's regroup at Callum's," I suggest, getting to my feet. "Make her think we've given her her space."
Looking around, I see the war brewing in their minds. They don't want to, but they know we need to. River will push and push until we're so far away we'll never get back. And somehow, this works into my plan to pull them as far apart from her as I can. Pain tightens my chest at the thought of abandoning her like my father did to me the moment my mother took things into her own hands and ended her existence. Unlike me at the time of my mother’s death, River has a family with Ode and Korrine. They’ll guide her through this rough time with love and compassion.
River doesn't need us. Not now.
"Fine," Kieran barks with a frown, pushing past me with a rough shoulder check. "Let's go to Callum's and work out a plan. But after tomorrow, I'm not leaving her alone. Do you fucking understand? I'm here for her. No matter what."
Fury blazes to life, lighting up his haunting mismatched eyes, giving me all the confirmation I need. He's too deep, and it's time to pull the plug.
"Men," Ode mutters under her breath, rolling her eyes. "Could one of you run me home, please?" she asks, eyeing each of us with raised brows.
"I will," I say with a sharp nod, gesturing for her to follow. The more distance I can put between the guys and River's apartment, the better. "I'll meet you back at the house,” I confirm before they do something stupid like camp out at the hospital all night or try to break into her apartment again.
"I'm going to bake her a pie," Rad murmurs, putting his love into his food. "And fried chicken, potatoes, and corn." Listing off more food, he rambles on until he's settled into his car and starts it, cutting him off. I wave each of them off and take Ode home without a word.
"Thanks," she says, climbing out. "And uh, you know. I don't usually say this shit, but you guys have turned River around. She's been in this funk for years, working her ass off. And then you guys come into her life, and I've never seen her smile more. You guys don't know what a gift you've been to her. She's my best friend; all I want for her is the best. So, uh, thanks," she says with a grimace, shutting the door before I can speak.
She won't be as accommodating when I have the courage to answer the text message awaiting me. It came through at the hospital, discreetly vibrating in my pocket, but I refused to answer when so many people were around. Indecision pushes at my mind, and guilt pushes down on me like a heavy weight on my shoulders. Now is the time to embrace River and take her with us; let her grieve in our arms as we make our dreams come true. Not run away and do it all ourselves. But what other choice do I have? They’re eating out of the palm of her hand, bending over backward to make her happy. What about us? Me? Our dreams? That’s what it all boils down to–our future. We can’t sit around here forever waiting for River to decide what she wants to do with her life. We need to act now while the iron is hot and our talent is what they’re looking for—not three years from now when she graduates.
Leaning over, I catch my reflection in the mirror and quickly look away. I do what I have to do to ensure our future stays on track.
Their words from our trip play in my mind, making the decisions all the more easier.
"We'll wait for you."
