Page 43 of Bitter Notes


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“Yeah, fuck. Fuck me,” Rad reiterates, staring at the door as she disappears behind. “Ah, shit,” Rad murmurs, holding up a beat-up old iPhone with a split screen.

I frown, grabbing it from his hand, and holding it up to examine it. Ouch. It’s definitely seen better days. Maybe I could buy her a new one with a better case using the trust my parents left me. It would more than accommodate a new phone, or maybe I could lend her my old one. It’s just collecting dust. I bite my lip, thinking about all the things I could shower her with. Not like she’d want them, anyway.

River is making her way through this world. That much is obvious. But what is a little present here and there? Besides, if she is going to date us or be our girlfriend, she needs a better phone to communicate with us. And…hmm. Yes. That will be perfect. I grin to myself and nod. Ah, yeah, that’s it. A giddy butterfly erupts in my gut at the thought of throwing a new phone at her with a little something extra.

“That hers?” Asher asks, raising a brow at the sight of the poor, abused phone.

“Appears so,” Rad whistles under his breath and then snatches it from my hand. “Time to find out where my new favorite girl lives.” I choke on my spit when he leaps out of the car, stumbling over his drunken feet, and marches toward her door with large amounts of liquid courage.

“Shit,” I yelp, jumping out and taking off after him at full speed and stopping when we come face to face with her weathered door, with the number 7 on it. Kieran breathes heavily when he joins us at the door and frowns.

"You have to be careful, man," he growls, looking around the complex, and his shoulders sag. "You can't just run out here at night. Never know who's waiting around the corner." Kieran swallows hard, eyeing the surrounding buildings with a sharp eye.

Rad grins again, wiggling his brows, completely disregarding Kieran's concerns. Instead, he obviously thinks he's going another round with her between the sheets. Fat chance. Asher would storm the damn castle and yank them out by their dicks.

"For fuck's sake," Asher gripes, running a hand down his face when he finally catches up to us and locks the Tahoe. "Can't have you, idiots, leaving me in the car again."

The door bursts open with a frightened-looking River standing on the other side, and my hackles rise. I growl, looking her up and down, noticing the tears she’s frantically wiping away and trying to hide.

“What’s going on?” Kieran asks, stepping protectively up to her. He grabs her shoulders, forcing her to look at us. Terror and pure panic rest in the back of her eyes when she stares back, and my heart drops.

“Help,” she murmurs, staring us in the eyes with a bewildered look. “I need your help.”

And every instinct in my body tells me to drop everything and help.

Donotfallinlove with these assholes. Just. Don’t. Don’t think about their big dicks sliding inside you, giving you a better release than anyone ever has. Don’t think about how powerful you felt pushing Kieran to do as you said, as he gave into the demand in your voice. Don’t think about how he filled you up; then, his friend did the same to your mouth. Don’t think about Callum’s face when he finally had the courage to come and how he cared for you afterward.

Just don’t do it, River. Definitely don’t think about their friends doing the same and rolling around with each of them to find your pleasure. And most definitely, don’t think about going on a date with them or cozying up to them or whatever else your twisted little mind can think of.

I’m in such deep shit. They’re all I can think about as I saunter through the nightly air, immediately sweating from the intensity of the heat. Even if the sun went down hours ago, a mugginess drifts in the air.

A rogue thought smacks the smitten feeling right out of me, and I frown. This is one hundred percent the definition of a whore. Right? Shit. Am I a whore? I shake my head, answering my own stupid question. Nah. You know what? Fuck the stereotypes. I’m not a whore. I’m a girl with needs who fucked two guys simultaneously and loved every second of being in their grasp. One to fuck me, the second one to gag me, and the third to cum all over me.

By society’s standards, I’m one hundred percent a whore. But you know what? Society can suck my dick for all I care. And I know, I know. People love to remind me I don’t have a dick, but I’m not talking about the flesh flute hanging between my legs. I’m talking my soul dick. The dick that lives deep inside of me, not literally. So, suck my aura dick, society, and leave the name-calling out of your mouth.

That’s just the deep-seated hate women get for enjoying the same sexual experiences men enjoy without the label. I fucked two guys at once and let their other friend cum on my tits. And you know what? I liked it, and I’m damn proud. And I’d do it again.

Use us, River. We’ll do whatever you want.

I shiver as Kieran’s words roll around in my brain. More vivid memories flash in rapid succession, like a movie on repeat in my mind. Heat envelopes me, going straight to my core and begging for more of Kieran, Rad, and Callum. Hell, throw Asher in there, too. A nice hate fuck, where he bosses me around, and I’m the defiant brat, sounds like a good time. God, as fucked as it sounds, I can’t wait for the day when Asher punishes me for every minor infraction. He could bend me over his knee, spank my ass raw, and then fuck me in it.

Yup. I’m fucked.

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I unlock my front door. Heaving a breath, I feel the echoes of their stares burning through me and holding me prisoner. It doesn’t cease until I shut the door and block their view. Finally, I can take a full breath without them breathing down my neck—without them suffocating me with one heated stare.

Pulling fresh oxygen into my lungs, I step further into the darkened apartment and stare at my mother’s empty chair. Since she got fired from her job and broke her leg, she’s been chair bound.

Nothing has fucked with my mom’s depression more than being stuck in her recliner with her leg in the air, unable to do a damn thing. I peek around the apartment and sigh again at the mess filling the sink and the grime on the countertops.

How the hell am I supposed to help her when I have two jobs, schooling, and four weirdos trailing after me? I know Korrine has been checking in on her and sitting with her for lunch, ensuring my mom’s fed. But I can’t rely on my neighbor forever. She has her own life, and my mom needs me. But I’m so damn busy taking care of myself and this house. I don’t know what I’m going to do with her holed up as essentially a child. My mom is the most important person in my life. I don’t know how I will cope with all this on my own at nineteen.

“Ma?” I ask, looking around the deserted apartment.

My heart rate spikes when she doesn’t respond. Swallowing hard, I move toward the running water sound coming from our tiny bathroom.

“Hey, Ma? You in there? You doing, okay?” I lightly tap on the wood door.

Once again, she doesn’t respond. Normally she hums or sings as she prepares for work, drowning herself in long showers. I search for the comfort of her voice, but it’s nothing but emptiness. The shower is roaring down on the tiled tub, filling the space with its noise. Placing my ear against the wooden door, I listen further, still getting nothing in return.

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