Page 74 of Bitter Notes


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Jesus. Images of our future shine brighter and brighter in my mind, and genuine excitement starts to settle in—us on the big stage with big lights shining down on us as the crowd chants our name over and over. People fall to their knees to get a taste of the music we've bled for. Staring straight ahead, I get lost in the fantasy that could one day be our reality. To leave this place and never see my father again lifts a massive amount of pressure off my chest. I’ve always ached to see the rest of the world from a tour bus, and the closer we get to making our dreams come true, the lighter I feel.

My only worry… My only concern holding me back is our little sister, Camilla. Her little face pops into my mind twisting in grief as our father strikes me down to the ground, raining blow after blow after he had a rough night of drinking, forcing her to see the consequences of my actions. Forcing her to see what her life will be like if she doesn’t bend to my father’s every whim and desire. She’s seen it a million times–his fists hitting us and tearing us down. For every punishment we receive, she’s there to witness our downfall with tears in her eyes and a distraught expression.

If I leave her behind, what will happen? Will he threaten her with a sharp tongue and swift fists? Her cries from over the weekend plague my nightmares. Camilla shouldn't have to go through what we do—ever. Somehow, I need to get Camilla and Gloria away from my father for good. But how? I have no idea.

I swallow hard, returning to the murmured conversation going on around me between the guys, snapping me back to the present instead of sucking me into the past. The boys mill around Callum and Rad’s house—our home base.

"She did good, yeah?" Kieran asks with pride, referring to the camera woman in charge of filming our entire show.

"Little Brat," I murmur, motioning for her to come to me with the curl of my finger.

As the drunken crowd of suburban moms moves closer, creating a circle around our setup like sharks circling blood in the ocean, they still. Their glazed-over eyes light up when Kieran tunes his guitar, quietly listening for the right notes. It's like they're hoping to relieve their shitty teenage years with booze, bands, and… Yeah, I'm not finishing that disgusting thought. Even Gloria straightens her spine in the crowd with a glass of red wine perched in her hand, quietly assessing the band. We’ve never played for anyone in this neighborhood, instead hiding in our home base’s basement, trying to conceal our sound.

Per her usual, River raises a defiant brow a few steps away, refusing to budge until I'm huffing mad. And fucking hard. One day, I'd love to pound the attitude out of her ass until she's panting and begging me to stop the punishment, which I wouldn't. My little whore would tremble before me after coming so many times…I… Shit. Why does she take my mind there?

No one gets a rise out of me like this. Not even Rad, who tries his hardest. The longer I'm around River, the more I want to bend to her every whim and then bend her to mine. Something deep, dark, and dangerous hides in River. Calling to me to release whatever it is. A wildness she never sets free. The tears she refuses to shed. I want to be the one to tame her and then hold her, letting her know everything will be okay. A sliver of darkness filled with unresolved trauma rests behind the spark in her eyes, hidden from the world but not hidden from me. I see behind the tough mask she presents to the world, and one day, I'll pull it off. I close my eyes, groaning at the serious hold she has on us. It's borderline dangerous.

Knocking the dick-hardening thoughts from my mind before I mount her in front of everyone, I watch as she places her hands on her hips. Then, and only then, does her magical grin spread across her luscious lips, making me wish my lips were on hers. Fuck me.

"Yes, Evil Ash?" she asks in a sarcastic tone, batting her lashes playfully at me, hoping to get a reaction.

I lick my lips, wanting to confront her about that stupid nickname. But I think better of it and huff.

"Take your phone from your pocket and record us."

It's not a question. It's a demand for her to comply. If there's one thing about my little brat, she loves to poke the bear—aka—me. Brats like River need swift direction, not options. Her lips pop open, exposing the argument on the tip of her tongue. I roll my eyes.

"Please, River," I bark, placating her with the niceness everyone else offers her. Kieran always says I'm a perpetual grump, which must be true, judging by how she stiffens.

"Did that hurt?" she quips, digging her brand-new phone from her pocket.

"No," I growl, clenching my teeth. Here she goes again, winding me tighter than I was before. One day, I’ll fucking explode and grab her by the hair. But that’s not today. Not when the crowd closes in even closer than before.

She shrugs, clicking a few things on her phone, and nods. “All right. This will be good for your ClockTok account.”

“We don’t have a ClockTok account,” I deadpan with a grimace, thinking about the ridiculous video-sharing app everyone obsesses over.

“You do now, boss man,” she says with a grin, shoving the stupid phone in my face.

My teeth clench when a picture of the four of us pops up in the little window, accompanied by the username: whisperedwordsband and a little bio about who we are and where we’re from. There’s even a link to all our social media profiles—the same profiles we barely use—at the top. Fuck.

“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?” I ask, blinking at her. Who knew a Central girl could be so damn useful with these sorts of things.

“Sometimes, I think you underestimate my abilities. It’s kind of offensive, Evil Ash. Now, play your little show, and I’ll capture it all.” She grins one last time, stepping back and settling herself next to Gloria.

I swallow hard, watching Gloria lean in, whisper something into River’s ear, and back away. Their faces give nothing away, but I know something out of left field was said when River’s lip curls, and she shakes it off. Something to ask her later when we’re alone, and I can force the words from her lips.

FUCK!

I blow out a breath, running a hand down my face when Kieran walks by, swiping the phone from my hand as he passes by. "Jesus. There are like forty thousand comments!"

"It's about how hot we are, isn't it? Cuz we're fucking smoking!" Rad explains with an even bigger grin.

"Nigel gave me permission to do that," I say in a monotone voice, keeping my eyes forward, refusing to meet his bewildered expression.

Kieran chokes on his drink, snapping his head at me. "He what?"

"He said impress me," I blurt, running a hand down my face.

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