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And he was kissing her. His lips were firm and expert, and then he angled his head, and she opened her mouth to him. And his tongue slid against hers. Jace’s tongue.
And she was trembling. Immediately wet between her legs. Because her fantasies had primed her for this moment over the course of years, and yet it was so much better than she had ever imagined that it could be.
This kiss was beyond anything that she had ever fathomed a kiss might be. He was everything. And too much all at once. So tall and strong and hot. All-knowing. Like he was demanding a response from her. Like he was willing it from the depths of her soul.
And she couldn’t doubt. Because how could she, when she was being kissed by a man who so clearly knew exactly what he was doing. A man who didn’t seem to have doubt anywhere in his body, anywhere at all. And she would know, since she was currently plastered against his body.
He pulled her away from him, and looked down at her. “Are you really a virgin?”
“Well. I thought we weren’t talking about that.”
“Youkissedme, Cara.”
“You also kissed me. So I think we’re even.”
“Not even a little bit. Were you serious?”
“Was I serious?” She squinted, and tried to look confused.
“You are not fucking confused. You know exactly what I mean. Were you serious?”
“Yeah,” she said, realizing that it was all futile now. And if she got weird about it, it was only going to be weirder. If she pretended, after kissing him like that and then returning his kiss like he was oxygen and she was suffocating to death, it was only going to look more extreme. More ridiculous.
So there was just a point where she was going to have to exhibit some honesty. “I was serious. Yes. I haven’t ever been with anyone. And you know, it’s one of those things... That at this point it’s kind of weird and left undone, and if you would like to be the one to help me out with it, then I am okay with it. It just has to be the one...the once. I appreciate the fact that you’re already helping me with my hotel. And it might be a little bit much to ask you to pay for renovation and also have sex with me.”
Well. She wanted to crawl under the bar. She had just said all those words to Jace, and she wasn’t even drunk. She couldn’t blame them on anything like that. Couldn’t take refuge in the fact that she was maybe being an idiot.
“You’re a virgin?”
“Yes.”
“And you would like to not be.” He said it not so much as a question, but as a clarifying statement.
Though in general, that wasn’t true. If she had actually wanted to lose her virginity, if it were even a thing to her, then she would’ve done it. It was just that she... She was stuck in some kind of weird limbo with Jace.
Weird limbo. Weird way to say: you’re in love with him.
Hell. She didn’t want to think about being in love with Jace. The very thought made her want to cry. She didn’t want to be in love with Jace. It was fucking stupid. She did not want to be in love with Jace.
But as she stood there, looking at him, at that precious, dear, familiar, wonderful face, she knew it was true. And it was why she had never been with anyone else. Because there was just nobody that made her feel even a fraction of what he did. Because being with somebody else would be a mockery of what they had. Because it wouldn’t come close to what she actually wanted it to.
“I want you,” she whispered.
She wished her voice was stronger. She wished it wasn’t so small.
And it was so far from the whole truth that it made her want to laugh. And it was so desperately inadequate that it made her want to cry. And so exposing that she wanted to cover herself. But looking at him, she could see the promise of something. Like the sun rising, flooding the moment with hope. With light.
And what if... What if she could have everything with him?
It was a bright, brilliant moment, but she let herself have it. Even though she didn’t think it was realistic. Even though she didn’t think it would ever... Ever amount to anything... She let herself dream. If only for a second. She let herself dream, because it felt right. She let herself dream, because sometimes dreams were all you had. And they were beautiful, and magical, and you should hang on to them when you could.
And who knew if she could actually have everything with Jace. She’d never been all that special.
Except to him.
But then, she also knew that he was a difficult bastard. Who didn’t have a romantic bone in his body.
He didn’t do long term, or even an exclusive kind of short term. Yeah, she also knew that.
