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“I know you said you had a vibrator. But I still want to make sure you’re ready.”
“Believe me,” she whispered. “I’m ready.”
And it was absurd. These impossibly intimate things they were doing. That they could go from being platonic all their whole relationship, to this, in the space of only an hour didn’t seem real.
And somehow it seemed right all the same.
Because it had been there. Beneath the surface. Because it wasn’t random. Because it hadn’t come from nothing. Because it was the truth, was the thing. The truth of how she felt about him.
And she supposed the truth of how he felt about her, even if it was limited to the physical and didn’t extend to anything emotional.
Because you couldn’t take this. Couldn’t manufacture it, and she wasn’t even tempted to ask if he was just doing her a favor. Because he was different in this moment. Because it wasn’t brotherly Jace who had helped her out of any number of scrapes or taught her how to shoot or anything like that.
She would know if that’s what he was doing, because she knew him.
“I hope you have... Condoms,” she said.
“Yeah. I do.”
The words were strange, the tendons in his neck standing out.
He withdrew from her and went to where he had discarded his jeans, grabbed his wallet and took out a condom packet. He tore it open, then positioned the protection over the head of his arousal, rolling it down slowly, gritting his teeth as he did. It was so erotic to see that. She shivered. And her teeth were still chattering when he came back to the bed, when he steadied her with a kiss, settling between her thighs, and the blunt head of his arousal pressed against the soft, slick entrance of her body, and she held her breath as he filled her.
Yeah, she had penetrated herself with a vibrator before. But that was different. It was hard, and it hadn’t been this big.
She could feel him, pulsing inside of her. She could feel how this was different.
And it was... Him.
She looked up at him, and their eyes met. She fought against a strange swell of emotion in her chest. Jace. Jace was inside of her, and she didn’t think anything could have prepared her for that. For the enormity of it. For what it meant. And suddenly, it did feel like too much. It felt like too much too fast. Too much for forever. Because one thing she couldn’t deny was how deep her feelings ran for him when he pushed himself all the way inside of her and she felt whole. Complete. Felt like she had never wanted anything quite so badly.
Jace.
She didn’t know if she said it out loud, screamed it, whispered it, or if it just resonated in her soul. All she knew was that he was there. And she wanted him.
All she knew was that it was too late to turn away. All she knew was that there would be no going back to the way things were before. Because it was too profound. Too real. Too utterly and completely earth-shattering.
And then he began to move, and each thrust of his body within hers pushed her closer and closer to that inevitable peak. She would’ve thought that it had been too much. Too intense that last time for her to be able to achieve it again, but here she was. His movements became sharp, hard. And that was when it was like being lit on fire. When there was no more control. No more tenderness because he was trying to take her innocence into account. This was hard and rough and primal. It was what she had asked for. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and it made him go deeper. She gasped at the impossibility of it. And how glorious it was.
“Jace...”
“Cara,” he ground out, thrusting hard and fast until his control unraveled completely. Until it was like a desperate race to the finish line. She screamed out her pleasure before she even realized her orgasm had crashed over her. And then she was lost. Swept out to sea. Couldn’t find a foothold. Couldn’t get purchase.
“Jace.” She said his name again. It was her battle cry. Her prayer. Her sanctuary and her tempest all at once.
And then his own release took him. He lowered his head, pressing his forehead hard against hers and pumping into her wildly, before going still, and she could feel him pulse deep inside of her. He growled, something feral and uncivilized as his release took hold. And then they lay there together. Sweat slicked and breathing hard.
And she tried to remember the before moment. When they had been the way they’d always been. When they hadn’t seen each other naked. When he hadn’t been inside of her. And she realized that moment would never be able to stand on its own ever again.
Because they would’ve always done this.
Because every memory she had of him now would be colored with knowledge.
Of who he was when he made love. What he looked like beneath his clothes. How it felt to have him buried deep within her.
It wasn’t just the after that was changed. It was the before.
And she really hadn’t taken that into account. But here they were. Inglorious and changed.
